Does a non-custodial parent have an obligation to try to keep the kids on their regular schedule?

Great answer Merlin.;)

Thank you carbon :) 

(())!! :) :)

Great answer Shar to the Rona. Sort of dealing with that type of thing myself right now. :(

Oh boy.  Carbon.  I am glad, if this is your son you speak of, that he is there with gran.  Your boys need you much more than you think you need them back.  You are there to hold it together. 

No, im talking about my grans mom. Its a long drawn out story. Kind of disgusting really. GA is a State designed to protect the mother no matter how bad they are. Lets just say, we are presently battling that problem right now. ;P

As horrid as that is, and it IS horrid, I am glad your son and grandson are not suffering anything like that.  I just figured your comment was about your son maybe keeping his boy up too late or something mild like that and you were worried and just blowing steam.

I see this is far more serious.  I don't know why mothers like that even want their children except to use as weapons against the spouse.  If she cared about her child's welfare, she would not try and fight with the dad in the first place. 

Thats what it will do to an already unstable person. ;O This post was edited by carbonproduct at September 16, 2017 1:01 PM MDT

I figured she was nutty somehow.  But if it is drugs that is the worst because every now and then people get a glimpse of the real her and they listen to that part.  They don't always see the behaviors that lead to her having to be kept away from you guys and her child.

I HATE courtrooms.

I agree, unfortunately,  she is mentally disturbed also, and the real her isnt nice either.  I hate courtrooms too, but sometimes you have no other recourse, especially in a mother state like Georgia and when a child is at stake.

Well.  We will leave it there for now. I see the picture.  Oh boy.  I am not done, but I will let this marinate again for awhile. 

The fact that she is mentally ill is not going to bode well for her, I hope.  Even though it is a mother state.  Do you already have an attorney at least that is good?

Yes we do. We also have custody. Just a little messy right now. Nothing to worry about. Just a headache. Also , very sad for all involved  ;P This post was edited by carbonproduct at September 16, 2017 1:01 PM MDT

oh good

relieved again

This post was edited by carbonproduct at September 16, 2017 1:02 PM MDT

That looks more like I sat on the cat.

I actually asked this question because this is the kind of stuff my ex does. He gets the kids every other weekend, and, for the most part, I bite my tongue. I know I can't control what happens over there and I know a court isn't going to step in unless the kids are in physical danger, so there's no point in starting a fight with him over it- he's just going to make it ugly. Two weeks ago, the kids were asleep at his place on Saturday and he woke them up at like 10 or 11pm because he wanted to go storm chasing. He kept them out for hours, then they slept until 1 in the afternoon. *face palm* I say nothing, but then the kids won't go to bed when I get them back on Sunday, and then they can't get up on Monday morning and are grouchy and late for school. My nine-year-old daughter threw a fit the next morning. I was the root of all evil for waking her up and making her go to school. I told her that it's important for her to maintain her schedule because this is what happens when they don't. It takes days to get them back on schedule. 

Last weekend, my daughter FaceTimed me at 1am. Her dad had her out at one of his friend's houses. I have no idea when he finally took them home to sleep. Apparently, my daughter told him something along the lines of "Mom says this messes up our schedules, and we need to go to sleep at our regular bed time." He told her, "I can do whatever I want with you when you're here and Mom just needs to deal with it." Hmm.. yeah,  that's true, but it wold be super nice if he chose not to be a dick and actually cared about how his actions impacted his kids. It's not about me. It's about him doing what's right for them. 

Bah. I'm sorry you're dealing with a similar situation. I wish there was an easier way to deal with people like this. 

Your daughter said:  "Mom says this messes up our schedules, and we need to go to sleep at our regular bed time."  His reply was " I can do whatever I want with you when you're here and Mom just needs to deal with it."

So 1) this is about vengeance on you, and 2) he has yet to realize that his children are people and have real needs and he is messing with them more than with you.

And while you will survive somehow, the kids might not fare as well.

This may or not change overnight, but I would suggest the kids will have to have a part in changing this situation---and they have every right to want this to stop.

I think that the kids need to be saying, "Dad, when you keep change my schedule so much every two weeks, it really makes my life difficult---can we talk about what we do on the weekends when we are with you."

I enlisted the aid of a psychiatrist when I had a somewhat similar issue.  What I just suggested is based on what worked in my situation.

Yes, you are spot on with your assessment in this case. However, It's kind of hard to expect that kind of diplomacy from kids. I don't know how old yours were when you dealt with similar issues. I've tried to coach mine through a few problem-solving missions when they've been upset about things. Even if they don't mention me, the conversation is roughly the same. I have them in counseling now for this very reason. 

Yes, the details like the age and personality of the individual child will be most important.  I'm very glad you have them in counseling.

That counselor should be able to get a game plan together for restructuring the current dynamic.

I hope it works out well and quickly.