.
I learned a long time ago to do all you can to not keep score. Help a friend because you want to. I do all I can to not ask for favors to begin with, but yes, if it always seems one sided, it may be a friendship that I may invest a little less in down the road.
I don't think a real friendship will suffer. True friends will understand and respect the fact that someone is refusing to do something that's against their principles or abilities.
Good point m'dear! In fact excellent. I'm gonna ask a question about one-sided friendships PeaPod
. I didn't think of that when I asked that question but it very relevant! Thank you for your reply. You will see it and know that you inspired it! :)
You are welcome RosieG.
I love your questions!
Never. If I ask a friend for a favor I am in effect, asking for someone to go out of their way. I don't expect anything. I am asking because I trust they understand that it is up to them if they can help or not. There is not a stipulation there that if the person cannot do it, I am going to have an attitude about it.
I want my friends to know that my friendship comes without conditions that warrant their being at my beck-and-call or doing my bidding. That is not a friendship. If I engage with someone who thinks like that, the friendship will soon be over the moment they expect that behavior from me. I don't do things I don't want to because I am a people-pleaser worried that the person won't like me anymore. If I go out of my way, it is because I am happy to help and that person is worth it.
If that person has done favors for me, I am going to try my best to be there for them. However, if I cannot or they cannot, that person and their friendship is more valuable than most any favor I can ask of them as a rule. If I have done a lot for someone and they can do a favor for me and just opt not to, I will take that under consideration and maybe remember not to be so willing to help them out in the future. I am not a sap and I don't expect anyone else to be either.
As a rule, my friends do not owe me a thing. I just like them or not. I try and stand on my own two feet. It makes people more comfortable to be around someone that is not looking for something back.
I love having you respond to them so I guess that makes us even then doesn't it?
Thank you for showing up as often as you do. I look forward to it m'dear! Happy Tuesday PeaPod! :)
Precisely! Sometimes you aren't able to do something for whatever reason. I think or hope that understanding is part of every friendship. Sometimes it can be tested though and that's when you really find out what kind of friendship it really is
. Thank you for your reply LC and Happy Tuesday to thee! :)
Thank you for your thoughtful answer Sharonna and Happy Tuesday.
I know m'dear. It's complicated isn't it? Thank you for your reply Step and Happy Tuesday! :)
Have never been in this situation.
If I was, I would accept the no instantly, without ill feeling,
and it would not affect the friendship, at least not on my side.
There's a big difference between a request for help and an emotion-backed demand.
The best way to deal with a no is to always
have a back-up plan ready in order to be able to meet one's own needs.
I totally agree with thee hartfire. I do not like to burden people with my troubles. I try to handle what I can alone and on my own. Everyone has troubles. Everyone is overwhelmed at times. But if I really need help I'm not too proud to ask. I do not like to take advantage of people, ESPECIALLY friends or relatives. My mom told me many years ago that she wished I would understand that it makes people feel good to help. It isn't a burden but a privilege. I'm still trying to digest
that after all these years. Thank you for your reply and Happy Tuesday! :)
You're welcome Rosie. Happy Tuesday to you.
No, it doesn't. I will simply ask someone else.
Happy Tuesday, Rosie!:)
Very logical m'dear! No drama. Just straightforward. You go to Plan B!
Thank you for your reply AndyB and Happy Tuesday to thee! :) ((hugs))
:):):) Thank you sweetie! :)
I guess I wouldn't ask anything unless I know they'd agree... Isn't really knowing someone knowing their boundaries, too? I wouldn't want to put them in an uncomfortable position. Maybe if I was on the verge of homelessness or something like that, only then would I surpass that. And because I'd be aware of the position I was putting them in, I wouldn't expect them to agree--expect the worst, in other words.
There are different kinds of friendship m'dear. Some friends are more perceptive/intuitive/selfless. Some are less so. Ideally a good friend would know what your boundaries are but that can only come from having tested them. Right? Thank 
you for your reply! :)
You are assuming something I didn't ask Nelly. Would the friendship be affected
means would the person who asks and is rejected be angry OR would the person who was asked and said no be insulted? Either way my question applies. Would the friendship be affected and if so how? Thank you for your reply and Happy Wednesday.
