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Discussion » Statements » Rosie's Corner » I've never understood those who say they have to "fight hard" and "it takes a lot of work" to maintain a good marriage. Why?
RosieG

I've never understood those who say they have to "fight hard" and "it takes a lot of work" to maintain a good marriage. Why?

Why would you have to fight hard and work hard at it? Shouldn't it be natural and effortless? You love and respect each other presumably. If that's true why would differences of opinion or disagreements cause you to have to "fight hard" and "work hard" at it? I know there is SOMETHING here that others experience which I clearly haven't which is why I don't understand it. What is that something?

Posted - September 16, 2018
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Responses


  • I have NEVER seen or experienced ANY relationship, marriage or otherwise that didn't hit a bump in the road. Those who claim to have never had a single problem or cross word with their better half, evidently aren't living together 98% of the time. The response to adversity, trial, trouble, temptation and crisis is the test. Too many fall by the wayside because they never wanted to make a go of it to begin with. The best move I ever made was marrying my wife of 37 years in the face of naysayers who said it couldn't work. Most of them are dead, divorced or have gone into the dust bin of history. Sometimes it ain't peaches and cream, but when its right, it's unbeatable.
      September 16, 2018 7:06 AM MDT
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  • 113301
    I said nothing about the lack of cross words or problems DA. You are reading into my question something you brought along with you. I don't find it hard work nor do I have to fight to make my marriage work. We disagree sometimes. We are not the same person. But I have never ONCE considered to be work nor did I ever feel like I had to FIGHT HARD to talk things out, smooth things over, make peace. I am telling of my experience. You can believe or not. Please don't put words in my mouth. I am very capable and competent in that area and I come equipped with a plethora of all the words I need to state my case. When they don't exist I create them. This post was edited by RosieG at September 16, 2018 7:12 AM MDT
      September 16, 2018 7:11 AM MDT
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  • 35039
    DA is explaining to you what people are calling "hard work" or "fighting hard" for their marriage. Some people have a hard time expressing their feelings or would rather just ignore problems rather than do the "hard work" of discussing each other opinion and feelings about an issue. If you don't deal with an issue it will fester and grow from into a mountain from a mole hill. 
    Or just the "hard work" of making time for one another to be together as a couple. Not at as parents or roommates so that you do not allow yourselves to grow apart. 

    No one is putting words in your mouth....they are explaining the words you used in your question...explaining why people use the phrases. 
      September 16, 2018 7:38 AM MDT
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  • 6098
    Don't know about the "fighting hard".  I don't care much for fighting so I avoid it as much as possible.  Seems to me if you don't get on and enjoy each other's company then why bother with the relationship at all?  But of course different people would have different reasons for that.  Does take always some adjustment.  Because everybody is going to be bringing their own things, their own issues, which have nothing to do with the other person yet the other person has to become accustomed to them and learn to live with them.  Because people essentially are not going to change.  So such adjustment does require work.
      September 16, 2018 7:15 AM MDT
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