Are you independent? Do you DECIDE FOR YOURSELF or do you fall in line with the accepted dogma of others and dare not not do so?

I am not tribal.  When you identify with a group, then you lose your power.  

I have been a soul that was placed in the most tribal family imaginable.  If one did something wrong, that family in the circle would cover for the culprit.  No matter what.  I remember my Aunt Janet, when confronted with her son stealing (she knew he was a drug addict and covered it up and denied it).  When he was fired and caught for doing it?  His mother goes to the owner of the cash register and just used this as an explanation:  "My Jimmy doesn't steal. He would never do that. He told me he didn't do it."  

THIS was said AFTER he had already broken into our grandparent's basement and stole a jar of quarters to get money for heroin.  He tried to break into our basement as well. 
Now this is an addict.  He had no tools to stop.  But he almost died because his parents could not face the truth.

SOUND like the USA today?

People will cry and deny and do anything so you don't interrupt the story they tell themselves daily as a prayer.
I am fine. My family is fine. And on that foundation I can carry on.  WHAT A LOAD.

I always went right into the situation and told everyone the TRUTH.  I did not give a squat what they thought.  I did not respect them nor this sicko idea of LOVE.

And that is not a unique situation.   My cousin, Patsy, who thinks she is Martha Stuart, PERFECT kids.  Would deny anything bad.  Now, on their behalf, because she had loads of money, they went to the best schools and had good grades, but basically they were entitled brats.  The stuff that came out of their mouths was derogatory and they had zero respect for anyone.  She is now paying the price when they, as adults didn't even bother to try and help her husband when he was dying of cancer. Of course, she defended them.
Too embarrassed to say she screwed up defending their horrible behavior.

So, back to me?  Everyone hated my guts and resented me, because I didn't go to many relative gatherings and when I did?  I was not shy about telling them what I thought about any subject.

They worshipped my mom.  And I was the first born.  My grandparents idolized me.  That made everyone else jealous of a little kid who had no idea and no interest of being special.  I was not into being admired.   Not by them.  I did not respect where they were coming from-- so why would I care what they thought of me.
It was a very dysfunctional upbringing.  My grandmother, to show her "love" comes up to me for no reason at all and gives me money.  I am 10.  What do I need with money?  And when she gives it to me, she says the most horrible words I could ever stand to hear.  She said, "Sharon, don't tell any of the other kids I am giving this to you."  WHAT?

I don't remember exactly how I reacted at the time.  But it haunted me.  I did not think better of her.  I thought she was very weird. How could you not love all your grandchildren?  Like we were all around 6 - 12.  And we were  all good kids.  I didn't want that.  I felt guilty.

The point is I always stood my ground from the ground up.  Now, I have to let go and surrender and forgive it all. This post was edited by WM BARR . =ABSOLUTE TRASH at November 24, 2018 7:31 AM MST

I think for myself. I always have for as long as I can remember.