Do women in their mid-forties generally find it difficult to get a man in their age group to get into a serious relationship with?

I was 42 when my husband 40 found me. I didn't spend a lot of time in the dating scene. Luckily. 

I never got hung up on having someone in my own age group to date. That would leave out a heck of alot of nice good guys!  I decide whether I want to date based on how they act, how they treat me, their interests and whether we have chemistry, not their birth certificate:)

I'm guessing here.

If you are married, most men will not be interested in an affair with you unless they are inherently unethical and selfish.

If such a man is not turned off by you being married, he may prefer it because your commitment keeps the relationship "safely" casual - meaning safe in his mind.
He is very likely to be married himself - which is one of the reasons why he doesn't want commitments and complicated emotions -
unless he is looking for a backdoor (a reason for) permanent escape from his marriage.

There is a dating scene of divorcees and widows.
It's not very pretty.
Based on the stories reported to me, many behave with the maturity of adolescents.
Certainly the passions can be unexpectedly strong - all the way from heaven to hell.

Some of it is online and fraught with an enormous array of hazards. I believe some companies provide advice on how to navigate safely though these. I have three friends who have had success, though it took each a long time to find her right match.

To find the right person in real life, you need to be proactive.
Decide on what traits you want.
Then think of where most of the men of that kind are most likely to hang out.
Then go and get yourself thoroughly immersed in those interests and activities.

Many people love Latin-American dance as a way to meet others.
Christians like Rotary, Lions and church.
Sailors love sailing clubs - and so on.

Patience is worth it.
Don't let Eros or Loneliness hijack you into dating the wrong man.
Hormones diminish. Beauty decays. Time flies. 

The right man is well worth the time and effort to find him.



This post was edited by inky at February 4, 2019 7:12 PM MST

Issues are not limited to the 40s age bracket. Here's a brief synopsis of what I'm finding on dating sites:
* 20-somethings who want to worship me and want me to boss them around (when did that even become a thing?).
* 30 and 40-somethings who have never been married and don't have children wanting hookups only.
* 30 and 40-somethings who are desperate to start families.
* 40-somethings couples or men in open marriages (supposedly). 
* Religious folks, conservatives, and athletes who apparently cannot read profiles.
* 50+ who are... eh... boring. Can't hold a conversation and have no passion for anything.
* My ex's friends (I've now been matched with two).
* Nigerian princes, "doctors" who don't know the difference between "woman" and "women," and "lawyers" who don't have a lot of time but want a woman to spoil.

I don't know what happened. I do not remember it being this bad the last time I was out and about. 

"Serious relationship" meaning marriage or just a long term close primary relationship?  I don't know - I think they were there.  By the time I was 42 I had pretty much concluded I was not marriage material because I was not anyone's ideal and because of my enjoyment (clandestine) of secondary mainly sexual relationships as well.  So I guess what I looked for or attracted was mostly men who had similarly given up on marriage but who nonetheless enjoyed my company.  I tried to see myself as a sort of historical courtesan bestowing my favors on deserving men.  Yes some of them I did fall for but because of the nature of our relationship I knew enough not expect anything more.  I felt very lonesome without a SO during those years and I would so look forward to my occasional evenings of love and companionship with each of them. after about five years I started receiving attention from younger men which at first I did not trust because I guess I sort of looked at them like OK how could they no that much or know much about me?  But I found them really very pleasant, though some of their enthusiasms I did not share, and in many ways more experienced than I was.  And I was enjoying my time with them.

I did not meet my husband until I was 53 and it was almost immediately knowing we were right for each other.  Which interestingly had nothing to do with just sexual attraction and everything to do with shared ideas, approaches to life, world views.  We were more ideal intellectual and social companions and everything else flowed from that.  Which was really the first time ever someone just valued me as I was for anything sort of permanent. 

I had always wanted marriage but had given up on it for myself.  But I still loved men so what could I do? 

Honestly, I think finding the right person for you is a lot of luck.  Meeting lots of people so you have the opportunity to see who or what you really want and don't want.  There is no formula for that .. it happens or it doesn't.

Being desperate can be someone's downfall.  You need to first become happy with yourself .. and then you will make the right choices in life.  Sometimes, that even means you're happier on your own.  Better to be happy on your own, than miserable with someone else. 

Try to enjoy being you .. and make yourself happy.  That's all you really can control anyway.  :)