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Discussion » Statements » Rosie's Corner » I think WHATEVER causes a woman to feel uncomfy about what a man does/says is INAPPROPRIATE and she should tell him that IMMEDIATELY! Agree?
RosieG

I think WHATEVER causes a woman to feel uncomfy about what a man does/says is INAPPROPRIATE and she should tell him that IMMEDIATELY! Agree?

I did. It was innocuous enough I guess and other women might not take offense. I did.

One day a Vice President told me "you look very pretty today". I told him that comment made me feel uncomfortable. He apologized. He never made me pay for it in any way. He was always very kind and polite and he didn't change in his demeanor toward me whatsoever. I wasn't comfy having my appearance discussed by a superior. Talk about my work. Fine. Not about anything personal.

That's just me. I speak up so there is no doubt about how I feel or what I think. Do you? How long does it take  for you to muster up the courage?

Posted - April 1, 2019
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Responses


  • 46117
    There is NO way to tell someone how they should behave during any incident where they feel like they are being "forced to endure something from a man".

    First of all, you don't even realize what is happening.  The shock of it is hitting you.  Then?  You don't know how to react because you don't realize what just happened.  

    I remember a girl who was a receptionist at Trump Tower.  She lodged a formal complaint against TRUMP (now, not then) because the JERK comes up to her and just plants a kiss on her mouth.

    CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS?  He kissed her full on the lips and he never even met her before.  She was his property and what was she going to do?  

    She would get fired.  Period.  Now.  Do you think you go to work and make money to pay your bills to deal with this situation?  I wouldn't know what to do either.  I would TRY to do something, but you have to THINK.  What you do affects YOU more than it will ever affect HIM.  

    It's a toughie.
      April 1, 2019 9:48 AM MDT
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  • 6098
    We learn how to deal with it through experience and by listening to others who have had experience dealing with it.  She was not or is not his property.  Bosses will often do or say certain things to demonstrate their authority but as long as it goes no farther than that no problem.  The way we handle it is by responding formally and politely and without emotion.  If we seek to protest too much on the one hand or to curry favor on the other then we would be regarded by someone like him as "weak" and so "incompetent".  I have been at my job for thirty years (though admittedly have never been kissed on the mouth though some have suggested I do other things)  and during that time have learned a few things. 
      April 1, 2019 10:12 AM MDT
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  • 113301
    I had a boss once upon a time who put put his hand on my knee when he had called me into his office and I sat in a chair near his chair.He also had put a gift on my desk prior to calling me into his office. . I never opened the gift. I reported him to the Human Resources Department and gave the manager the unopened gift.. I was transferred to another location that day which was much closer to my home and never returned. He was subsequently fired when he was found to have physically assaulted a waitress in a restaurant close to the office and she complained to the company about it. I don't know what you mean when you say "it plays better on paper". Confronting him would have done no good. Going to someone who could do something about it I did IMMEDIATELY. Different strokes. I do not suffer fools. Thank you for your reply. This post was edited by RosieG at April 1, 2019 11:20 AM MDT
      April 1, 2019 11:19 AM MDT
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  • 46117
    GOD I LOVE IT.  

    I would have done the same thing.  HOWEVER.  I mean to say it sounds better on paper because what you have explained does not always nor OFTEN happen.

    You were in a situation where the law and people enforcing the law in that company HAD YOUR BACK.

    It is much harder when you are an 18 year old pregnant girl and the doctor is rubbing his penis on your knee.

    I didn't know if he even knew what he was doing.  I just wanted to get out of there and run as fast as possible.

    If anyone did that NOW?  Well, that is one of the reasons I am so outspoken and won't take crap from anyone.  I have been the girl who was a victim over and over and it took me long years and a lot of gumption to build up the courage to be me and speak out.

    I saw what happened to people who tried to buck the Administration and not all of the stories wind up the way yours turned out.

    I have only so much power and I have bills to pay and a life to live. And that is what these predators count on.

    YOU ROCK, ROSIE.
      April 1, 2019 11:24 AM MDT
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  • 6098
    I would ask myself whether there is any reason I should feel uncomfortable.  I think we have to be careful that we are not viewed as prima donnas expecting special considerations or as too inexperienced and unwilling to handle casual daily pressures.  Better to ignore such comments altogether or to dismiss them with friendly good humor.  Because often they are intended to fluster us and demonstrate superiority over us.  Which if they succeed in so doing they will only continue since it makes them feel more powerful.  I don't know - when I have been told I am pretty I appreciate it and thank them.  But if they start becoming too close we need to make a gentle but firm separation.  The trouble a lot of us have however is that we bask in the attention even if unwanted because it affirms us. So we end up sending mixed signals.  So best to be firm about unwanted attention but gentle and certainly not say anything which will be construed as insulting or belittling or will make us look as though we are unable to handle the situation  ourselves so require outside intervention. 
      April 1, 2019 9:59 AM MDT
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  • 46117
    Yeah, well.  It plays better on paper than in real life.  



      April 1, 2019 10:11 AM MDT
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  • 34962
    Interesting....Where was thing position when Kavaugh was being attacked with allegations from 20+ yrs ago?

    So much for #MeToo that only applies when the accused is a conservative. 

    I know it is another "whatabout".

    If you are truly interested Google "Creepy Uncle Joe" you might be surprised at the amount of footage out there. I would not want him around my daughter. 
      April 1, 2019 11:32 AM MDT
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