Discussion»Statements»Rosie's Corner» What or whom you are has nothing to do with other people. Only if you allow them to change you do they become significant. Do you?
I disagree. Because we are not islands unto ourselves. We naturally need and seek approval from and companionship with others and failing to obtain those it becomes more difficult for us to thrive or even survive.
Are you a sponge that takes in everything equally og or do you accept/reject this and that? Accepting what makes sense to you makes sense. Rejecting what doesn't makes sense too. The differences among us is that what makes sense to you doesn't make sense to me and vicey versy. In the end we are all islands og. When we die we die alone. It doesn't matter how many people are there in the room with us to mourn our passing. We take that trip all alone on our own. That's how it is for everyone. Thank you for your reply. Different strokes! :)
That is only true after you reach a certain awareness of self. Most of "who we are" is decided by others in our childhood. IE: How our parents raise us, where we live, etc.
There are also genetic factors that predispose us towards certain directions.
However, once we reach that certain level of self-awareness ... we can choose who we are/become.
I read that at age 3 children are pretty much whom they are destined to be and at age 6 they are already fully formed intellectually and socially. So early on it behooves PARENTS to teach their children to read BEFORE they go to school. That gives them a deffinite heads up. I did. Others have too. Kids are victims and hostages. If they're lucky the prison guards are benevolent and loving. If they aren't well then the kids are very unlucky. I don't know if we can choose whom we will become though. I 'm gonna ask. Thank you for your reply Walt and Happy Tuesday! :)
The first significant people in our lives are our parents (or the equivalent) and we have no meaningful opportunity to filter the information they feed us about what and who we are and how we should best relate to other human beings until much later in life (if at all).
All sorts of things are "contagious"---such as feeling states and intellectual philosophies. And we sometimes are no more aware of being "infected" than by any other "virus."
"Life is an adventure or it is nothing at all" (Helen Keller, I think).
"Know thyself" (The Oracle at Delphi).
"May the Force be with you" (A famous quote said by numerous characters as an expression of good luck throughout the Star Wars film series).
I should have qualified that tom. I meant AS AN ADULT. Children are victims until they reach a certain age and are able to think for themselves and discern what is which may not be what their parents tell them is. That age varies among people of course. Some are slow and some are very quick to figure out if what parents tell them rings true or is just bullsh**! As for being "infected" by our surroundings we accept or reject what makes sense don't we? I always have. Just because the prevailing fad is "hot" if I think it's crap I remain apart from it and never get infected. On the other hand if I am exposed to brilliance in a way that I can relate to of course I shall take it in, examine it and accept or reject. I thought for myself at a very early age. Many others do too. I am not only impervious to crap I am insulted that people think I would buy into it. I am not alone. Yoda is my favorite fantasy "being". In fact my sister painted a white ceramic Yoda for me which I treasure. We saw Star Wars together. I am a huge fan and whatever Yoda sez goes for me. My only other idol is Humphrey Bogart with whom I fell in love at the age of 3. I may be the only 3-year-old who ever crushed on him but I have remained true to him for all these years. As for the rest once in awhile I happen upon someone who makes sense. That's when I tune in and listen and learn. If it's nonsense or gibberish I don't have to tune it out. It never makes its way in. Thank you for your thoughtful reply Different strokes, right? :)
That is kinda why my response was so non-specific.
But adults can still be victims of their childhood---why do you think Trump has such widespread appeal among the members of his base and yet fails to win the college graduate crowd.
One has to be very very uncomfortable with one's response to reality to seek the causes of why one acts according to an inadequate or erroneous script given to them in childhood---as you just referenced in a recent question.
The past is present unless it can be divorced from the future---it is extremely difficult to overcome a bad "script," and doing so frequently requires professional help.
Edit: added ---
This post was edited by tom jackson at April 30, 2019 9:56 AM MDT
Sounds like we're referring to those folks raised in a vacuum or a bubble of some sort. Unless you're a lab specimen that was raised in a test tube, you carry definite influences that have nothing to do with being a "victim". Those who were actually mistreated and thus victimized, have our sympathy. Those of us that grew up in a large, happy, interactive family are fortunate indeed. But still you come away with a variety of influences. Life isn't a sterile environment. Many of us find that the most satisfying personal and business relationships are with people quite different from our own values and traditions. That doesn't mean that you have to "change" or compromise those tenets you know to be true. Looking back on our family, we've turned out very differently, but we have that common thread, a great beginning in a loving, supportive and communal family.
A "script" is much more constraining that the typical "influences" that good parents do in fact pass on to their children---like fairness, responsibility, appropriate sympathy and empathy and many other of the traits we value.
I am happy that you were raised in such a nurturing environment.
While its true that the only peson who can change you is you, others have a big impact on "how" you change yourself.
Humans are social in nature, and as such we like to feel as though we "fit in" with others. (yes there's always an exception.) If we feel like we may face rejection, we "tweak" ourselves so that we will feel "accepted".
* Peer pressure. I'm sure you've heard the quote, "Bad company corrupts good morals". Some people will forgo some of their morals in an effort to "fit in" with others.
* Loneliness. One of the most painful thing in life is the feeling of loneliness. People have commit suicide to rid themselves of this pain. We equate loneliness with rejection. Sure we like to have time to ourselves now and then, but to feel lonely/rejected all the time is agonizing. People have done bizarre things to try to "fit in" and avoid this pain.
Anyone who says they haven't changed some aspect of themselves to please or try to fit in with others is only deluding themselves. We've all done it.
officegirl 