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Discussion » Statements » Rosie's Corner » Do you "size people up" to determine how you should treat them? Are you gracious and polite to some not all? Which some and why?

Do you "size people up" to determine how you should treat them? Are you gracious and polite to some not all? Which some and why?

Posted - May 4, 2019

Responses


  • 10770

    We all do that.  It's called "pre-judging".


    I’m reminded of a story I was told when I was in college. (that was a long time ago so the story is a bit dated)

    There once was a man who went into upscale bank to cash a check.  Now the man's clothes were filthy and full of holes (this was before this was "in style") and his toes poked out of the holes in his shoes.  The man's hair was uncombed and it was quite evident that a razor hadn't grazed his face in a very long time.  The man walked up to the teller and politely asked if he could cash a small check.  The teller gave him a scornful look and, in a haughty tone, told him that it wasn't the bank's policy to cash checks for non-customers.  The man started to explain, but the teller cut him short and curtly told him to leave the premises or she’d have him removed.  The man shrugged and left.  The man then went down to a small, local bank and asked them to cash his check.  The teller at that bank happily cashed his check for him.

    The next day, the same man returned to the same upscale bank.  However, this time he was wearing an Armani suit, creased slacks, and polished black shoes.  His face was shaved, his short black hair neatly combed, and he was sporting a gold Rolex on his left wrist.  The same teller smiled at him and pleasantly asked how she could help him.  He politely asked her if he could see the bank manager.

    Upon seeing the man, the bank manager thought he was a new customer who wanted to open up an account, so he eagerly greeted him and asked how he could be of service.  The man didn’t shake the manager’s hand, but instead explained to him how he had been treated there on the previous day.  He said that even though he had been a customer of the bank for over 20 years, it was evident that his business was unwanted.  Therefore, he would be withdrawing all his money – all $8.8 billion of it – and depositing it in the small bank down the street.

    *****

    I have to admit that I’m guilty of prejudging people.   I turn away from people who, in my eyes, look like vagrants, or are covered with tattoos.  Big burly men with long beards on motorcycles make me very uncomfortable, as do teens in long black coats, or hoodies with their hands in their pockets.  Yet I have found that, on the average, the “undesirable” looking people are more apt to help a person than those who look more “amiable”.   I’ve seen teens pull their hands out of their pockets long enough to hold a door for an elderly person, while neat-looking business-type persons in suits simply ignore them.  I try very hard to be nice to all people.  It’s not easy!!  Outward appearances can be deceptive.   

    Pre-judging is prejudice.

      May 4, 2019 1:17 PM MDT
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  • 113301
    Thank you for sharing that story. I had my wake-up call with regard to that about 25 years ago Shuhak. I had lived in an apartment for ten years and it was due to be painted. So the apartment manager sent in a two-man team. It was on a Saturday so I was home the entire weekend. The leader was tattooed everywhere I could see including his neck. Not his face. He was pleasant and polite and the job took 3 days. But something strange happened. We chatted on and off during the first day and I learned he had been a Marine like my dad. His taste in music and literature mirrored mine. He liked jazz and classical music and science fiction and John Steinbeck! On the second and third days I made lunch for both guys. The helper was silent and I never learned anything about him. Do you know that by the time they were done I hugged the main guy and I do not recall noticing any tattoos! All it took was to get to know him. What he looked like was completely irrelevant. The person he was? That's all that mattered. So ever since then tattoos are just a way some folks have of expressing themselves. Now metal in tongues or on lips? That still makes me uncomfy but I don't look down on folks for that. Why they pierce themselves with metal I don't understand but then I never got my ears pierced either. Never got the point of it. So I react the same way to pierced ear earrings and they are everywhere all the time. I remember in high school sitting behind a gal named Janet who had gotten her ears pierced and they got infected. They were a kind of green and I still remember how disgusting the infection looked.  Turned me off forever to piercing anything! Thank you for your reply Shuhak and Happy Sunday. But I still react to VIBES. Some people give off negative and condescending and officious and supercilious vibratio ns and I will never "get used to" that! :) This post was edited by RosieG at May 5, 2019 9:33 AM MDT
      May 5, 2019 2:45 AM MDT
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