What good are apologies? They don't change what was said or done. They just put a bandaid on it. The wound and scar is still there. What's the point?

Very good point especially if it's phony ( not sincere )

An apology is useless if it is for politeness, like, "We are sorry we can't answer your call right now. Your call is important to us. Please hold the line and an operator will be with you as soon as possible." At that point, the evidence is that they don't care nearly enough. I hang up and they lose me as a customer.

If an apology comes from an addict I don't accept it because I know the addiction will win over the person's temporary regrets. I walk away and don't come back. (Usually avoid the addict in the first place.)

But people can and do feel regret when their behaviour has caused distress or inconvenience to someone else.

There is no harm in expressing such an emotion when it is sincere - and often it can be the start of resolving an issue, perhaps by discussing the best way to make amends, or to change a pattern of behaviour in order to prevent the harm from occurring again.

I think apologies are very important.  No, they can't take words or actions back, but they can go a long way in repairing relationships if they're sincere and hopefully forgiveness will follow.  It shows you have empathy for that person, you care about their feelings and that you have regret.  It shows you're taking responsibility and not blaming anyone else. Assuring them it won't happen again is as important as the apology itself.  We've all been guilty of this to some degree, whether it's something minor or major and I think once you've decided this person deserves an apology, I think it can be a benefit for both sides.  It takes a big person to face someone you've hurt and it puts you in a vulnerable position.  Whether it's accepted or it isn't, shouldn't be the deciding factor and the choice is ours to make.  I think it's important to understand, however, the greater risk could be in choosing to do nothing.

An apology can also be an explanation one's position... Not necessarily indicative of remorse. 

If people do something wrong, they should not only be remorseful, they should go all out to express that remorse. It makes it easier to forgive them if they do that. What's wrong with that, Rosie?

I can usually detect the phony ones. Most of them pretend to be remorseful at the last minute just before they go to jail for killing someone. Those are the phony ones and I don't believe they really are in the slightest bit remorseful. Here is one example from a few years ago which has stuck in my mind:

http://www.yorkshirepost.co.uk/news/crime/hull-son-and-mum-jailed-over-new-year-s-eve-party-killing-1-3363565

I don't believe for one minute that guy was remorseful for what he did, and I wouldn't be surprised if he bragged about it to the other inmates while he was in jail. I certainly wouldn't give him the benefit of the doubt.

I agree. 

I'm assuming this question deals with the big things in life, not the everyday mishaps that one may say they are sorry over.

For the real hurts that come from another, it depends on the apology and the motive behind it.  

If someone is sincerely sorry and actually understands why and how they hurt me over something that I have clearly expressed that has hurt me, I will probably have an open heart.  A real apology can be healing and actually strengthen a relationship.  

Seeing how someone acts later on is just as important because if they weren't sincere, it will show.  In that case, I do agree that an apology means nothing and shouldn't have been offered.

Precisely AndyB. It's just more bullsh**! Thank you for your reply and the link you provided to us and Happy Thursday to thee! :) ((hugs))

I dunno hartfire. I shall share with you what I experienced a few weeks ago with someone whom I thought  was a very good friend. The friendship lasted almost two years. Internet friendship. Never met the woman. That is the backstory behind this question. I got several emails from her. One said "You are  psychotic!." In large blue  letters. That was it.

The next one said something like the following...."you are hateful and ask hateful questions". There was more but again it was in large blue letters. After the first email calling me psychotic I sent one that said "what is this all about?" After the second email which arrived shortly after the first one  I just deleted it. Subsequently I have received a few emails from this person which I deleted without reading. There is no point in reading anything else. This person is dead to me. Whether they contain more abusive attacks/accusations or apologies doesn't matter because I do not care to have an unstable person like that in my life. She might have been drunk as a skunk or on drugs for all I know. Now what  would you do? I don't allow anyone to mistreat me hartfire. I just won't. In my opinion there is no excuse for what she wrote. I don't care WHY she ranted/raved or insulted me.  It doesn't matter. I am not interested in having anything more to do with her. I cannot trust her. She has already shown me that she is a loose cannon and can go off unexpectedly. I do not have  such people as friends. That's it. Thank you for your reply and Happy Thursday! :)

Please read my reply to hartfire PC. It outlines the backstory of this question.  After you read it if you wish to discuss it with me please let me know. Thank you for your reply and Happy Thursday to thee! :)

True. A justification for bad behavior.  An apology with a "but" attached that totally obliterates the apology and adds more insult. Not my cuppa tea FNR. Thank you for your reply and Happy Thursday! :)

Please read my reply to hartfire Andy. It will give you the backstory for this question. If you want to discuss it after you've read it please let me know. Thank you for your reply! :)

Please read my reply to hartfire PeaPod. You will then understand the reason for this question. Thank you for your response! :)

It helps to move on from the incident. Sometimes it works, some other times it doesn't.

I would have done exactly the same.

There must have been something going well between the two of you for most of that time - and yet suddenly her behaviour changes and out of the blue she starts accusing you. Your behaviour has not changed, so nothing new in you has been the trigger. So I think you are correct in concluding that she's unstable. One of the few advantages of age is having enough experience to be abe to make rapid decisions with relatively high degree of confidence. It is a type of behaviour I would not forgive because unstable people are unable to prevent themselves from re-offending.

Hi Rosie, I hadn't read your reply to hartfire at the time I wrote my comment.  That being said, I would probably feel the same way you do under those circumstances.  Nobody has to accept being called names or be a doormat for someone whenever they feel like going off on you.  

 Thank you for your helpful reply. I have had weird experiences in my life but this one takes the cake. So far. :) ((hugs))

 I think I almost have Oscar. Almost. You know when you are expecting something to happen it isn't a shock. But when something so unexpectedly comes out of the blue at you it takes awhile to get your footing back. I think I am or have. I'm almost there.  It's nice to have Answermug. I work out a lot of things here...with a little help from my friends! Thank you for your reply and Happy Thursday ! :)

 That is why I asked that you read it PC. Precisely. Thank you for your followup reply m'dear! :)

Same here... you too.

Thank-you Rosie for pointing me that way.  I can only tell you that there are some very mixed up people out there and I too have had experiences that made me want to quit the Internet forever.  But somehow, the right people gave me faith to hang in there and I am glad I did.  I would never want to miss out on the good that is still out there.

You're welcome my friend. So you read my  reponse to hartfire. Thank you for taking the time to do that. I appreciate it. I have never been anything but loving, supportive and positive with this person. She underwent a tragedy and through that we became friends...or so I thought. My dear friend was her life partner. He died. He was of an age that he could have been my son and in fact after his mom died I was his surrogate mom. So you can understand how shocked/stunned I was. There had never been a cross word between us. Why she would choose to say those things I cannot fathom. But it doesn't matter. That is now behind me. A closed chapter. You move on. Happy Friday PeaPod! ((hugs))

Thank you! I already wished you a Happy Friday on another thread FNR! :)