I trust EVERY BODY. You know why? Because I AM very smart and I DO know what people are capable of. I KNOW. So they cannot screw me. I know what they can and WILL do. I love them anyway. Everyone is a lesson. And you can choose to be butthurt or you can thank them for the lesson. It makes you better. Think that way, and you will see how many many friends you both really do have.
ASK YOURSELVES THIS:
Are you so angry at THEM? Or are you really thinking about all the times maybe you both needed forgiveness. Maybe you both are not as trustworthy as you say either. MAYBE YOU ARE HUMAN?????
Judge not, lest you have ZERO friends and see how that works for you. Rather, thank everyone who gave YOU both a break when maybe you didn't deserve forgiveness.
I have DONE plenty that I should not have been forgiven for, and all those untrustworthy people out there managed to FORGIVE me anyway.
I think that is a very good medicine. FORGIVE and smile and move on. Don't fester it makes you sick and depressed.
This post was edited by WM BARR . =ABSOLUTE TRASH at September 2, 2019 5:23 PM MDT
It's all in how you view them. People like me. They know I like them. So, I don't have a problem making friends. I just don't have the time to do friend things.
I have several. I have three close guy friends. In fact, it's one of their birthdays today and we've having a group chat about it. I have other friends as well, whom I see with some regularity. My circle of friends is small, but they're great people.
My husband is my best friend - despite all the hitches and glitches.
I have a couple of fairly close friends, one male, one female - whom I see about once a fortnight for coffee or lunch or a walk on the beach.
Then I have a bunch of acquaintances towards whom I feel very warm and, I think, vice versa - but how often I see them fluctuates, depending on how busy we are with other aspects of our lives.
I have a kalyāṇa-mitta called Panya Varro. He's a Buddhist monk who has helped me learn and understand the Eightfold Path and the practice of Vipassana meditation in the Mahasi Sayadaw tradition. Kalyāṇa-mitta means beautiful, good, virtuous, noble or admirable friend in Pali. It's an interesting kind of friendship - one where there's a great deal of mutual good-will, kindness and gratitude - but it's totally impersonal.
I feel sad when I hear that you don't have friends other than here, Ele. I'm guessing you mean friends in real life. I was in that position when I first moved up to this area, 17 years ago. My old Sydney friends became just acquaintances through correspondence. There's a part of me that's quite introverted and, at first, didn't see it as a problem. I made new "friends" almost by accident - via my interests in horses and endurance riding. But then I discovered that horsey people (forgive me, please, anyone here who is horsey) are usually not very bright - not even in their areas of specialty. I had to hide my brains because anything outside their lives bored them to tears. I began to feel intensely lonely. It was only after I started studying Creative Writing at uni that I began to meet fellow writers who had vast curiosity and interests in just about everything - people who loved to study the human condition, tell stories about it, discuss it, and explore the intricacies of language and wordcraft. Now I feel I'm in a milieu where, for the first time in my life, I can just be me and be fully accepted for who I am. And it's taken till I'm 63 to achieve it.
We (humans in general) often drift through life, gathering our friends by chance. Some people find it easier. Religious groups, for example, often put a very high value on relationships and consequently put a lot of effort into developing them.
Some kinds of people find it harder. People with Aspergers, bi-polar, schizophrenia, ADD, ADHD, and OCD, have brains that periodically and unpredictably change their perception and behaviour - and that interferes with creating and maintaining long-term relationships. Some conditions with environmental causes - personality disorders, PTSD etc - can make it virtually impossible to create good friendships. Addiction also has severe negative effects on relationships - especially alcohol and hard drugs. The addicts are usually unaware of just how high the costs are - until thay get into recovery and things begin to change for the better. Agoraphobia and physical disabilities can also have the effect of keeping people isolated in their homes, not able to meet others. Cultural problems, such as being a migrant and not speaking the same language, or misunderstanding over cultural behaviours can also create separation.
Nevertheless, I now believe that no matter what one's particular problems might be - there are always ways to overcome isolation and build friendships. The one thing that is critical is being pro-active; it won't and can't happen without a lot of effort.
How do you feel, Ele? Are you happy with having all your friends here? If not, are there ways we can make it better for you? Would you prefer more private messages? Would you like to get to know particular people better?
Or would you also like to have physical friends who live near you? If the latter, what kinds of people would you like to know? What are their interests and values? Where would they likely hang around? What could you do to meet them?
Zack 