Discussion » Statements » Rosie's Corner » When my son was three my then-husband treated him on several occasions with cold cruelty. I divorced him and never regretted it. Why?
RosieG

When my son was three my then-husband treated him on several occasions with cold cruelty. I divorced him and never regretted it. Why?

Because I know the cold cruetly would have continued.

What did he do that was so cruel?


1. 'Dad" threw him in a swimming pool when he couldn't swim. He was screaming from terror. I was there and I pulled him out.

2. Son didn't like broccoli and my husband FORCED him to eat it anyway. My son GAGGED and started turning
blue. The "husband" picked him up, turned him upside down and hit his back a few times until the broccoli got unstuck and dropped out.

There would never be a third time. I didn't trust him ever again after that and filed for divorce immediately.

I think women who care more about money and luxuries and being married than the healthy survival of their children don't deserve to have children. Some stick anyway. Poor kids. Sad kids. If they survive without being permanently damaged it's a miracle.

My kid is healthy and whole and has a great life. No chance for his brain to get scrambled or his mind to get twisted or his life to be ruined. I doubt he remembers either of those times. I certainly hope so. Though it happened 5 decades ago I remember them very vividly to this day.

Posted - December 30, 2019
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Responses


  • 46117
    I didn't read this yet, Rosie, but you saw something in him that turned you off.  He had a cruel, violent nature.

    Ick.  

    My mom divorced my dad for the same reason.  He came upstairs when I was 15 and beat me up with a BELT.  Because I told him to wait a minute when he told me to turn off the TV and go to sleep.  I was watching Richard Pryor do a skit on Johnny Carson.

    He came upstairs to my bedroom and ripped me out of bed and beat me with a belt.  

    My mom divorced him.  There is more to this story.  There is a happy ending.  My dad learned a lesson.  He never was violent again. 
      December 30, 2019 7:16 AM MST
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  • 113301
    ((hugs)) Geez Sharon what a terrible memory for you. Unbridled rage for no reason. I wonder what causes it. Anyway Salty Pebble read it and gave me some information that might help explain why ex husband was wired that way. All I know is I had to get out to protect my kid. So I did. Thank you for your reply! :)
      December 30, 2019 7:48 AM MST
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  • 46117
    I just read it. Oh God. This guy was out of control.  I guess some people have no idea or memory of what it means to be a child.  

    He probably thought this was a good idea, throwing the kid in.  Like it was an experiment.  He was a brute.  

    Thank God you found Jim.  Bless you both.
      December 30, 2019 7:19 AM MST
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  • 113301
    Exactly! Thank goodness we met and have had a very good 22 years and counting. So sorry that you experienced what you did though. I mean our dads are supposed adore us. We're supposed to be able to wind them around our little fingers. We are supposed to be their "daddy's girl". Supposed to be. Thank you for your kind reply.
      December 30, 2019 7:50 AM MST
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  • 1152
    One of the depressing things one learns if one studies enough  psychology, human development, and so forth is the world is largely populated by people whose cognitive processing is that of an 11-year-old (my experience is all there is), and the moral thinking of a 7-year-old (Do "good" or powerful people will punish you. If I am a powerful person, it is my right/obligation to punish others).

    Please note I am not talking about children or early adolescents in the above. I mean a large plurality of nominal adults do not develop their moral thinking or ability to handle complex information beyond those stages.

    Unfortunately, it appears that your first husband was one of those people. It is also quite likely that your first husband was himself abused when he was a child, as research indicates most abusive people tend to have been victims of abuse.

    Neither of the explanations is an excuse for how your first husband behaved, but they are possible explanations for why he behaved so awfully.
      December 30, 2019 7:29 AM MST
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  • 113301
    Those two things happened within a week. I was terrified of what would come next. I was appalled at the swimming pool incident. Neighbors were surrounding the pool in the apartment complex so there were witnesses. He stormed off very angry. Then the broccoli incident. The worst part I think is that he never really understood the gravity of what he had done. If you knew my son you'd know he turned out to be normal and healthy and lives a good life. I cannot imagine what he would have become had I been wired differently and stuck it out. Bursts of rage scare me. I was engaged later on to a guy that showed a burst of rage once. I got disengaged immediately. I decided to share that because silly as it is I worry about Barron trump. He is probably totally ruined by now but if Melania has just dumped the bas**rd the minute she learned the don of johns (toilets) was cheating on her I'm sure Barron would have had a better life. Why should I care about him? I care about all kids whose parents are terrible which Melania is. Thank you for your thoughtful and helpful reply SP. I'm going to read it several times so I can absorb the info. I appreciate the time you gave to educating me about the why. Perplexed I will always be and grateful we got out before damage was done. This post was edited by RosieG at December 30, 2019 7:45 AM MST
      December 30, 2019 7:42 AM MST
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  • 1152
    You're welcome. One major reason I am opposed to corporal punishment of children in general is because I have seen or heard what angry adults can do in name of "discipline."  And I think you chose wisely to get out of that relationship. Most abusive people don't engage in one or two incidents, then realize "Oh my god. What have I done?" and change their ways. Usually the pattern continues.
      December 30, 2019 11:30 AM MST
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  • 1305
    I'm cheering Rosie, what a great mum!
      December 30, 2019 2:31 PM MST
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