Discussion»Statements»Rosie's Corner» Some folks are EXCEEDINGLY SELF-SUFFICIENT and pride themselves on not needing any help from anyone. Are you one of them?
Ditto. ME TOO. Word for word. Thank you for your reply Shuhak! My mom told me once decades ago that letting people know you needed help with something gave them the good feeling of being needed. She said it's nice to know you're needed and useful. So I've remembered that though honestly It's still HARD.
I'm so sorry you've experienced THAT on top of having to feel inadequate. I've been REALLY LUCKY when I've asked. I'm sure if I had been made to feel "less than" I'd stop asking and just sink if that were the outcome. Let me ask you this m'dear. When someone disappoints you like that and then has the temerity to ask for YOUR help do you give it? If so why? I'm just saying we should only turn the other check ONCE. Thank you for your reply Shuhak! :)
I am not one of those.. but... it is my tendency... I find it uncomfortable to ask for help.. this very often stems, in people from low self esteem - they feel they are unworthy, that if they ask for help they will be rejected, or seen as a pain..
This is one of those very rare times I disagree with you Addb. Of course I am not privy to my subconscious but logically it seems to me that we are all aware that everyone has burdens to bear and your adding to them is not something sane caring people would do willingly. I don't ever want to be a burden to anyone. If I can help unburden them that makes me feel very good. But I do not suffer from low self-esteem. Even when I was young and painfully shy I never thought I was "less than" in any way but socially. I skipped a few grades so I was younger than the other kids which exacerbated my shyness. So why you feel unworthy is very puzzling to me. I think you are very worthy and it would be my honor if I could help you and you asked me for it. Thank you for your reply Addb.
This post was edited by RosieG at February 25, 2020 1:41 PM MST
You are most welcome to disagree with me whenever you like... it usually results in an opportunity to rethink my stance, check it's ok, revise if needed and/or to clarify.. Not asking for help is associated very often with an imbalance i.e. giving but not feeling a deserving of receiving... feelings of guilt, not liking to burden others... can all be symptoms... In your case perhaps that's not how it is.. but in many cases it is.. where they are willing to help others unburden but worry and dont' want to burden others.. there's an imbalance there...
Could we be talking around the edges of a "MARTYR COMPLEX" perhaps? I have had experiences with them and they are not my favorite cuppa tea. Let me give you a mild example. We went out shopping together as a family to buy my mom a coat. She needed one very badly. So our dad, my little sister, my mom and I went to some store. It might have been a Sears. That's where we did a lot of our shopping. So we sat on chairs outside the dressing rooms and waited. Mom never came out to model for us and get our opinion on her choices to try on. The area was not too far from the Men's Department but we didn't think anything of it. So after mom purchased her "coat" she joined us. It was in a bag. Said she'd show us when we got home. So home we went and when she took her "coat" out of the bag it was a suit for my dad. There was no coat for her. We were all shocked and disappointed. At that moment (I was ten or so) I knew what the word MARTYR meant. So I'm not a fan and after all these years I still remember the disappointment in my dad's face. A mild example I expect but it left a very deep impression on me. Thank you for your reply Addb.
This post was edited by RosieG at February 26, 2020 6:18 AM MST
The only thing a "self-sufficient" person is capable of is dying of exposure, dehydration, or starvation.
If you know how to not do these things, it's because SOMEBODY ELSE taught you how to avoid them.
Even if you're a Bear Gryllis-type survivalist capable of perpetuating your existence using only simple materials available in nature, SOMEBODY ELSE taught you (or Bear) how to do those things, and those somebodies had other somebodies who taught them...and grew their food, and built their shelters, and paved their roads, and calculated their taxes, and cleaned their teeth, and on and on and on.
If you've acquired enough skills such that you can manage most necessary tasks for living in the social/technological/legal environment in which you currently reside, good for you. But don't for a moment think that equates to any rational definition of "self sufficiency."
Agree with all you say, but couldn't resist the opportunity to chip in and say, Bear Grylls is known to fake a lot of his survival stuff :P He's all for show! Ray Mears is way better :P
It was the only name I could think of which would illustrate the point. I'm aware much of "reality" television is basically as scripted/faked as fictional television.
Shuhak 