Regardless of how old they are now, if and when you’ve ever been angry with your children at any point in their lives, compare that emotion with the emotion(s) you had for them between the time of conception and the day they were born.
Can you think back to the way you thought of them in anticipation of their births?
Not really a useful comparison because we didn’t know our kids before they were born. It’s like pre-imagining an impending journey; very unlikely to match the eventual reality.
It’s important to keep the perspective that you became upset because of a misdeed or a bad situation, not at your child as a person. All kids make mistakes, this is frequently how learning occurs. Sometimes their mistakes are a consequence of our own failings. We are best served to assert teaching above blaming. That can be hard to reconcile in the heat of a moment, and we all know parents who fail at it.
We watch as the lessons we instill and the wisdom our kids gain tempers their personalities as they mature, accepting that we won’t always agree but can still reason together in times of -shall we say- disharmony. Whether in the moment, or upon later reflection. If you have kids, you know these are part of the bargain. But I suggest, are in the minority. To me, this is a benefit of fostering trust from the earliest childhood.
As you allude, we cannot dismiss or set aside what remarkable young people they are, the many joys through the years and the unique bond you have with them; and respecting all the work put in to make this so. As my children have grown into adulthood, I resign myself to my children facing up to the consequences of their own decision making, trusting they will do the best they can. I will sit as ready counsel, not as an intrusive critic. My anger, should there be any (I am generally not one to be overly emotional) with them is, after some ”cleansing breaths”, expressed as disappointment and (um, firm) articulation of my counterpoint. It just serves no beneficial purpose to fly into a rage and undermine one’s message, IMO, no matter what age is involved.