Your call is very important to us. (Translation – we get paid by the length of time we keep you on hold.)
Thank you for calling Acme Widgets. Please listen closely as our menu options may have changed. Well... actually they haven’t changed, we just like to say that. Due to COVID-19, our only representative has to work from home so your call may be answered (flush) from the bathroom.
Press 1 to hear a 6-year old practice the tuba.
Press 2 to hear extremely loud, annoying “music”
Press 3 to be put on “hold” forever (snicker)
Press 4 if you feel like pressing something.
To hear this menu again, press 5.
For all other inquiries, please stay on the line.
(presses ‘5’) “This menu again.” (pause) “This menu again.” (pause) “This menu again.” (returns to main menu)
(*stays on the line*) – Thank you for calling Acme Widgets. Our only representative is currently taking a nap. Please stay on the line and your call will be answered whenever they feel like it. (Your estimated wait time is ‘forever’. (Sound of a 6-year old practicing the tuba begins)
Thank you for calling Acme Widgets. Have a good day. (click)
