Whatever you and your mate do together that you enjoy is your business. I think cheating on a mate is UNFORGIVABLE. Do you too?

I think without trust nothing else really matters. You never know if you are being lied to and what sane normal person would put up with that? I think many marriages are simply business deals. I guess if both parties agree to the terms no one is getting shafted. But the children? What kind of environment is that for them? There is no excuse for cheating on a mate. None. Folks grow apart and that's fine. What isn't fine is staying together and sleeping around. SEPARATE first and then hound dog your way through life. Who cares? You aren't betraying anyone and it's your body. You can do whatever you want with it. Just do it the right way. Separate. Divorce. Then you're free to do whatever you want PROVIDING you don't hurt anyone and it's consensual. SIGH. I sound like a broken record. Thank you for your reply Shuhak and Happy American Independence Day to You and your family! :)

I agree, there's NO excuse for it!   I don't believe couples "grow apart".  One or both of them just stop trying (they let other things take preeminence).

I disagree with thee m'dear about that. Couples do honestly really grow apart. In your 20's you are not the same person you are in you 30's or 40's. Your interests and passions may be totally and completely different as you grow up and older. Jim and I found each other on the cusp of being 60. By then there is no major change in whom you are and what you want and what you have to contribute. At least that is what we found to be true for us. His previous mates and mine were not bad people at all. They just mostly stayed who they were and we grew to prefer other things. No one to fault for that. Thank you for your reply! :)

Oh, I agree with you, people's interests and passions do change as they age.  However, marriage is a lifetime commitment (Till death do us part).  A marriage takes a LOT of work to make it work - 100% from both partners all the time.  They don't just "happen".  Problem is, many people treat marriage as disposable -  Im bored, he/she isn't doing it for me anymore, I need  to do "my" thing (etc.).  So they simply divorce and move on.

Actually if the love is real and true it isn't work Shuhak. Trust me. I've been there more than once and I know from personal experience. Also...please remember this. At 20 we are not the same person as we are at 40 or 60. If we are that's very ungood. That means that has been no growth at all. No knowledge or learning. As we experience life we begin to understand. Reading about something and living it. Worlds apart. If you have to WORK very hard on it something is very wrong. A GOOD marriage does not require a lot of hard work. It requires patience and respect and honor and caring. Some people are superficial from the say they are born till the day the day. "Love is not love that alters when it alteration finds". LIKING someone a lot and loving is not the same thing. Sexual attraction changes over time. People confuse that with love and it is anything but LOVE. That's why people cheat. They keep needing that excitement. That's the high. Well love is/can be exciting but not in a superficial way. Many people never outgrow the ME complex. They are doomed to play around and cheat and keep looking for that "special someone" whom they never find. Would you take on 50 years of VERY HARD WORK? Of course I can only speak for myself. Maybe others who have "good" marriages do have to work very hard it. That's not for me. Not my cuppa tea. It's not worth it. Jim and I found each other when I was almost 60 and he was almost 62 having had prior marriages. From the first date we have never had to WORK HARD at it. Maybe we're just lucky. I don't know but it's a really good fit. Main difference? He's meticulous and methodical and I'm impatient and slapdash! We balance each other out I guess. Sorry for the long reply. I'm going to ask though about working hard at relationships. I don't. Never have. Don't see the point. Thank you for your reply and Happy Monday to thee and thine m'dear! :)

I meant "work" as in effort, not as in laboriousness. 

Patience, respect, honor and caring don't just "happen", they require continual effort.  In a good marriage, these things are simply byproducts of love.  If you really love your spouse, of course you’ll want to respect, honor and care for them… even when you disagree (patience).

Yes!!  I TOTALLY agree!!!  Many couples confuse love with infatuation.  Bodies change with age – a man’s “6-pack” expands into a “beer gut”; gravity and childbearing “reshape” a woman.  Infatuation says, yuck!  Time to trade this lemon in for a better model!

I think most of the time we agree on things.  But we just come at them from a different angle/perspective. Thank you for your thoughtful reply m'dear. I think all relationships SHOULD BE EASY. I do. if they're not I think they are not meant to be. I don't mean there are never disagreements or differences of opinion. There has to be or you might as well be dead. I know what I'll do. Ask. I'm going to ask if "working hard at a relationship" includes being dishonest at times to smooth things? I don't think it should. Do you?