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Discussion » Questions » Human Behavior » Do you know of any woman (yourself included if applicable) who got pregnant as a result of a rape, kept the child and raised it with love?
Benedict Arnold

Do you know of any woman (yourself included if applicable) who got pregnant as a result of a rape, kept the child and raised it with love?

Before you pass an adverse judgement on this question, I should inform you that it is based on a real life woman I know in just that situation. Her child is now about 7, brought up by her and her parents with much love, because to them she was not responsible for the circumstances of her creation. I am supporting the child financially. 

Posted - October 30, 2016
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Responses


  • 1029
    No.
      October 30, 2016 9:38 AM MDT
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  • 46117
    Like I am going to get on a public website after being raped and having a child and talk to YOU and everyone else I never met,  about it.  What kind of creepy question is this? 

    That is a subject women don't announce.  And if they did, it would be someone highly insensitive who doesn't care that she is exposing the child who was raped to this public scrutiny.

    There is a sensitivity chip missing somewhere to even ask such a thing.
      October 30, 2016 9:43 AM MDT
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  • Creepy eh? I know of  woman in just that situation. Her child is now about 7, brought up by her and her parents with much love, because she was not responsible for the circumstances of her creation. I'm supporting her financially.
    Before you so blithely attach adjectives like creepy, you might do better to pause to contemplate whether there could be a situation depicted in the question. Thank your stars if you haven't gone through that trauma. This post was edited by Benedict Arnold at October 30, 2016 12:29 PM MDT
      October 30, 2016 12:01 PM MDT
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  • Trigger warning
      October 30, 2016 12:01 PM MDT
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  • Agree with Sharonna, very creepy .. 
      October 30, 2016 9:53 AM MDT
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  • 46117
    You are wrong.  I have gone THROUGH rape and I would take umbrage if someone else decided to just chat it up on here.  A sensitivity chip is missing in your psyche if this does not occur to you before asking us IF IT HAPPENED TO US.

    Good for YOU that it doesn't make you queasy.  If you got butt raped in a jail cell, I bet you wouldn't like me talking about it on here.  MUG QUESTION:  Has anyone been butt raped in prison?  How has it affected you now?"  (Identical situation)   but at least there is no child that has to live with the stigma.  Why can't I ask about your butt rape?  I'm just ASKING a question, right?     I can't understand your feelings,  because it did not happen to me.  What do I care? I didn't feel a thing.   Same thing. Butt-rape in prison?  Raped and keeping baby in the real world. 

    What I failed to consider is how people reading the question would feel if they WERE butt raped and did not want to even think about it, much less advertise.

    You do not understand.  You are a man and this is just some "interesting" problem you wish to chat about.  I find it lacking in perspective.  I find people (strangers on here) who enjoy asking invasive, personal questions of this sensitive nature to be a tad "creepy".   Not the Mugger, the question.    It involves more than the victim.  It involves the victim's bastard baby.  OKAY????????

    I don't care how good a friend you were to the victim. 

    I don't care if you are a nice friend.

    THIS is not a subject you need to get behind and ASK if anyone else PERSONALLY had that happen to them.  Savvy?

    It did not result in pregnancy this rape of mine.  If it did?  Could you imagine my daughter's face when she comes on here and sees me blathering away about it?   Get some perspective here.   It just happens to be NONE of anyone's business.   TOO personal.

    If I decided to blog about something like this?  That is another story.  I certainly don't want another person blogging about it.  OKAY?   I find people who ask this kind of thing and want to know personal details kind of voyeuristic at best. This post was edited by WM BARR . =ABSOLUTE TRASH at October 30, 2016 12:44 PM MDT
      October 30, 2016 12:04 PM MDT
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  • I agree, I got a reaction when I read the question, but couldn't find the words to explain it. I'm sorry that happened to you Sharonna.
      October 30, 2016 12:27 PM MDT
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  • 46117
    Oh no.  It is NOT about me being raped.  I just added that because Wisdom was saying he had experience and hoped I never had to have any such experience.

    He did not GET raped. I did.  I did not get pregnant and I had no baby to raise and protect.  But still, it was a typical thoughtless thing to ask. 

    I was pointing out why and had too much coffee, I guess.

    How much you want to bet My 2 Cents takes my reply off because I said "butt raped".  

    I'm glad you had a chance to read this before she does.  I try and ignore her and what she does to me.  And just be me.
      October 30, 2016 12:30 PM MDT
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  • Yes, I'd say she is quite liberal with her deletions. 
    I understood that your response was not about you. 
    And about the butt rape scene, sometimes a change in perspective is needed to make others relate and understand better. I've always thought that some of us are more into ourselves than others. And the more we are, the less we see others, empathise with others, and are insensitive towards others. 
      October 30, 2016 12:41 PM MDT
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  • 46117
    Why don't you ask JA if you can have that job?  LOLOLOL
      October 30, 2016 12:43 PM MDT
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  • That would be funny.
      October 30, 2016 1:00 PM MDT
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  • 34302
    I used to work with a girl around 20 yrs old. And from different things she said in conversation, I do believe her daughter was conceived through a rape.  Yes she was raising the little girl with love. 
      October 30, 2016 12:27 PM MDT
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  • 46117
    I know you are going to try and use your POSITION to take my answer off  because I said "butt raped" but please consider why.  The  word raped was already used in the question and the butt raped was not a swear word in this instance.  I am not attacking anyone.  This is a serious subject and others seem to understand but cannot find the words to describe why they find this question OFF THE WALL in the way it is asked.

    I'm sure it will totally go over your head and I don't know why I am wasting my breath.
      October 30, 2016 12:34 PM MDT
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  • 34302
    I don't have any problems with your answer above. I don't have any intention of doing anything with it. I am sorry if you feel I would my position improperly. I do try to be unbiased, and to moderate fairly. 

    The only thing I do wish is perhaps it could have been worded as "prison rape" or "forced sodomy" but it could have been worded much worse also. I believe you made an effort to keep it appropriate for this section. 

      October 30, 2016 3:01 PM MDT
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  • 46117
    You are missing the point.  This topic has zero to do with my nerves being hit and everything to do with consideration of those who may be involved who don't have the luxury of controlling what is said about them, like the baby who was the object OF the rape. 

    Maybe that baby doesn't want his/her story about it on the internet.  You know? Let's face it, no one on here is THAT anonymous that we cannot figure out their actual persona if we so choose.

    This post was edited by WM BARR . =ABSOLUTE TRASH at October 30, 2016 1:14 PM MDT
      October 30, 2016 12:55 PM MDT
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  • 46117
    Okay.  I will spell it out for you.  You are missing the point when you say I am reacting to my nerves being touched. 

    This is a very sensitive topic but not unworthy or inappropriate of being asked just because it touches a nerve.   WW

    I will bend this far.  It is not a question that should not be asked.  Of course.  You can ask it.  But there are ways to broach this subject that are not worded in this manner.   I reacted to what was asked, not the subject at hand.  It was the manner of asking DID IT HAPPEN TO YOU YOU AND WHAT DID YOU DO? that rankled. 

      October 30, 2016 1:07 PM MDT
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  • 7939
    Yes, my son is 18 now. I had him when I was 15. I was more open about it on Answerbag, but I do see the value in talking about it. Having sensitive topics discussed can be beneficial for some. There were times when I discussed my history to help someone through a similar traumatic incident or as it related to laws. Remember that idiot politician who said women couldn't get pregnant from a rape because their body would stop it from happening? Yeah. This is a topic that should happen. Some people believe that crap. Many states, including mine, don't even remove the "parental rights" of the rapist. I had to go through a court to have my son's biological "father's" rights removed and, get this, the fact that a child is conceived through rape is not grounds for having parental rights terminated. Another topic that needs to be out there. If that guy was not willing to sign away rights, my lawyer was going to fight to have them severed based on child abandonment. Not the fact that he was a pedophile and a violent criminal because those things are apparently not valid concerns in an Arizona child custody case. 

    Anyway, now I'm mad. This stuff really ticks me off and it needs to be changed legislatively.

    Back to the question at hand... I didn't take to the news that I was pregnant well, but as soon as I felt my son's first flutter kicks, that was it. Any doubt about who he was or what he might be disappeared. From that point on, he was a separate entity from the event that created him. He was mine... just mine... and needed protection from the monsters of the world. I became ferociously protective of him. 

    Actually, I think it was you that asked about traumatic deliveries the other day and if it made mothers love their kids more and I almost answered it with an offshoot story about this. I wouldn't say I love my oldest son more than my other two, but I love him differently and I think it comes from the amount of sacrifices I've had to make for him and the investments I've put into him. My logical brain knows he didn't ask to be here and didn't ask for the circumstances for sure, but my mom brain can't disconnect the two. I still fall back into the "I did this for you, now you darn well better make use of what I've given you" mentality. I'm very forgiving when he makes mistakes, perhaps excessively so, as long as that mistake doesn't compromise his future. 
      October 30, 2016 12:51 PM MDT
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  • 46117
    That is well-put.

    I stand by my objection.    This is not about opening up and talking about being raped and keeping a child.  I have spilled much in my travels aboard both AB and AM.

    I would not, however wish to chat about it with someone who "just wants to hear about it" on here.  That is for me to decide.  Not some guy who has never been raped. 

    It is not about touching a nerve.  It is about the other person who was the object OF the rape.  I guess your son is okay with your being open about it.

    My daughter would DIE if I ever said that about her.  So, I see it differently.   

    So, differently, in fact that I REPEAT.   We don't talk about things or ask about things on here that can compromise the feelings of other parties who are not privy to controlling what is said.  Like babies of rape and what happens to them and their futures if the parent decides to keep them.   

    This post was edited by WM BARR . =ABSOLUTE TRASH at October 30, 2016 1:00 PM MDT
      October 30, 2016 12:59 PM MDT
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  • 7939
    Of course it's for you to decide, but I don't understand why you would answer if all you want to do is admonish someone for asking. You always have the choice of whether to answer or not. So, if you don't want to answer something, why go off on a person for asking. It's easy to not answer. And, the OP has already explained why he has personal ties to the question. 

    My son and I talk about everything. Again, I separate the rape from my son. They're not conjoined memories in my mind. I suspect this has had an impact on how he has handled the information throughout his life. He's been open with people about it. Plus, I'm talking to people online who don't know who either of us are in real life... meh. You can't hide from the truth. How often does this come up in everyday conversation? All the freaking time- especially when my son was in school and people would have involved dads and they'd ask him about his. So, rather than glossing over things, he openly says what happened. Why? Because it's not him. It affects him, but the rape does not define him or who he is, just as it doesn't for me. 
      October 30, 2016 1:13 PM MDT
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  • 46117
    Just Asking

    I hardly WENT OFF on the person.

    I passionately explained what others also felt.  I gave good reasons why it made me react.  Over and over.  You want to see what you want to see because you don't agree with my stance.


    I agree with yours. I can see a very astute and clear reason why you took the other side on this.  But my side is just as valid.

    If anyone is calling someone out, it is you calling ME out.  I think I opened up a great discussion here and not everyone agrees with either of us.

    That is what we want on here, no?  Wisdom is a big boy.  He can stand up for himself. 
      October 30, 2016 1:16 PM MDT
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  • 7939
    lol You devoted more than five paragraphs to how this question was inappropriate. I wrote one on why it was an acceptable question. Following this, I only addressed your points.

    As far as I can tell, you haven't broken any policies. I'm not here in an  official capacity. My moderator cap is off. I'm just here to discuss the topic at hand, as long as nobody's gloves come off. Am I still allowed to engage in discussions or do I have to avoid interacting with others altogether? My validating the question is as fair as you invalidating it, but I'm always in favor of discussing the topic rather than the people involved. This is where it gets messy and so many questions get derailed. So far, we seem to be on the up and up and I'm very glad to see that. I'm also equally glad to see so many people responding to something. No matter what side you sit on, that's a good thing, but I'd rather see more focus on the aspects of the question rather than the poster. 
      October 30, 2016 1:38 PM MDT
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  • The remark of the financial support is what rubs me wrong about the question. I grant that it is a topic worth discussing in an honest manner. Here , however, I think the purpose is different.
      October 30, 2016 1:08 PM MDT
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  • 46117
    Wow, we sure do have one rousing discourse about it though! 

    WHOOPIE~~~~~
      October 30, 2016 1:09 PM MDT
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  • That we do Sharonna, that we do. 
    I think it's about getting praises for a perceived sacrifice, and not much about rape. 
    This post was edited by Benedict Arnold at October 30, 2016 1:21 PM MDT
      October 30, 2016 1:18 PM MDT
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