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Discussion » Questions » Death and Dying » What are some things that people stop doing when a pivotal* or influential* relative passes away?

What are some things that people stop doing when a pivotal* or influential* relative passes away?


Either specifically in your experiences, or with people in general, think of some things that people stop doing when a pivotal* or influential* relative of theirs passes away.

Examples: stop in-fighting, stop gathering for events that previously centered on the deceased when she or he was alive, stop sweating the small stuff, stop procrastinating, stop a good habit, stop a bad habit, stop making excuses, stop feeling sorry for oneself, stop feeling anything at all, stop hurting, stop remembering how the deceased looked, stop enjoying life, stop caring about anyone or anything, stop grieving, stop loving the deceased (my former stepfather was in his forties when his mother passed away, he shocked me by expressing that he felt she had betrayed him by dying, that he had never and could never imagine life on earth without her, saw her death as a personal slight against him for which he could not forgive her).

 

*For those of you who want to respond, the words “pivotal” and “influential” are not restricted to either positive nor negative interpretations; you may consider any possible connotation(s) of them as you see fit.




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Posted - August 8, 2021

Responses


  • 10634
    Stop paying them hush money.
      August 8, 2021 4:44 PM MDT
    5

  • 44602
    I really didn't have anyone like that in my life. The only one who would come close is my mother. I stopped sending her mother's day cards. Oh, and I stopped avoiding sidewalk cracks. This post was edited by Element 99 at August 9, 2021 8:04 PM MDT
      August 8, 2021 5:12 PM MDT
    3

  • 10993
    My aunt was the one who mostly hosted holiday gatherings. She loved to invite anyone and everyone who was even marginally related to our family.  Since she died, there is a whole slew of shirttail kin that I will probably never see again.
      August 9, 2021 8:24 AM MDT
    2

  • 2999
    My uncle was  a patriarch in my family.  When we lost him, his love and wisdom, we all suffered as a family. His large home was the go to place for family gatherings. Such a void, now that he is gone. He earned love and respect from us all. 

    My mother who died very young and my uncle were very close.  When my mother passed away, there was standing room only at her funeral.  People flew out from all over the united states to say goodby.  To know her was to love her.  A family member told me "she could walk among princes or paupers" the rest of it I don't remember the exact words but it was along the lines: she felt at ease and  was loved by all. 





    This post was edited by Honey Dew at August 9, 2021 8:04 PM MDT
      August 9, 2021 11:25 AM MDT
    2

  • 34246
    My Grandmother.  Everyone went to her house to visit when they were in town.  And we would likely see a few cousins and some Aunts and Uncles throoughout the day. 

    Since she passed the house is now my Uncle's and I do not foresee going there again. 
      August 9, 2021 7:14 PM MDT
    0

  • 16763
    I had to stop listening to The Seekers. Mum's favourite band, I played The Carnival is Over at her funeral. More than ten minutes of Judith Durham and I get weepy.
      August 10, 2021 4:36 AM MDT
    1