17 signs that you'd qualify as a witch in 1692 Salem
You're a female
You're poor, cannot support yourself financially
You are rich and financially independent
You have 1 or more female friends
You had an argument with 1 or more of your female friends
You have had an argument or disagreement with someone
You are very old
You are very young
You are a mid-wife
You are married with too many children
You are married with too few or no children
You have exhibited stubborn or strange or forward behavior
You have a mole, birthmark or 3rd nipple
Butter or milk spoiled in your fridge
You have had sex out of wedlock
You have attempted to predict the identity of your future husband
You have broken virtually any rule in the Bible and thus entered into a pact with the devil