I will update this answer if something else comes to my memory.
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Sarcasm is more just a way of life for a narcissist.
Narcissists like to feel special about themselves, and putting others down is a way of accomplishing this. They’re more likely to have their guard up during the idealization phase, and try to be nice, but old habits die hard, and they’re apt to be sarcastic then too.
Sarcasm is a way to assert control, which is a characteristic of an abuser. The abuse is more subtle in the idealization phase, but it’s still there.
Yes, sarcasm can be a common tactic used by narcissists during the devaluation stage of a relationship. In this phase, they may employ sarcasm to undermine their partner's self-esteem and assert control. This behavior can manifest as backhanded compliments, mocking, or dismissive remarks, which serve to belittle the other person and create emotional distance.
The devaluation stage often follows the idealization phase, where the narcissist initially showers the partner with attention and affection. As the relationship progresses, the shift to devaluation can be jarring, and sarcasm becomes a to
No, it starts in their minds! They know your getting smarter about them and they can only start seeing all your bad and then they devalue you. By saying "your not good enough" in anything and everything you do. Your no longer on the pedestal they had you on before. They don't defend you any longer or treat you nice. You become a nobody to them.
Security.
When narcissists get past the thrill of the chase, the adrenaline rush, the relationship ease into a stable stage, the narcissist gets bored, so they pick fights out of the blue to get their adrenaline fix. They control, devalue, gaslight to cut you down.
I had narcissists tell me I wasn’t feisty enough, from the narcissist’s lens, this means a troublemaker, a drama causer. Someone who is
Sarcasm is the preferred sense of humor for narcissists.
That does not mean that everybody who likes sarcasm is a narcissist.
You’ve done everything to cut your spending. You make your own coffee, steer clear of Target, and wouldn’t touch avocado toast with a ten-foot pole. (Yes, we’re just as fed up with that cliché.)
But despite your efforts, those relentless monthly bills keep draining your wallet. You know the ones: rent, utilities, cell phone bills, insurance, groceries… It's maddening how easy it is to overpay for these necessities.
We can't make these bills disappear, but we can help you avoid getting overcharged. Here’s a list of companies that actually care and will ensure you’re not paying a penny more than y
No.
But sarcasm is a very safe way to communicate.
If I communicate very straight, very open I expose myself. I signal my wants and needs to the other person and make myself, to a certain extent, vulnerable to rejection.
If I use sarcasm I can always shroud what I really mean. I can keep the other person guessing and force them to speculate about my intentions and if they reject me I can always pretend that I didn't mean it, that I was speaking in jest.
Sarcasm is basically a way to protect myself while being passive aggressive.
The same goes for the ‘Don't you think/want/etc. X’ or the ‘wouldn't i
Unfortunately, you won’t get a narcissist to see where they are wrong, because of many different factors. One main factor is that they have no sense of self-reflection. Self-reflection means to observe and analyze oneself in order to grow or change as an individual. This is not the case for someone who has NPD narcissistic personality disorder, because they have convinced themselves that there is no need to grow or change. Self-reflection refers to in-depth awareness of cognitive, emotional, and behavioral aspects that governs one's life, and a narcissist’s personality disorder governs their e
What triggers the narcissist to begin the devalue process?
It’s an internal switch, triggered by the increase in slights to my self-esteem. This is also happening where there is little to no emotional bond with the other person (and God knows what the brain’s reward system is doing by this point: probably, buckling). It’s not as neat and tidy as it sounds.
I initially typed “perceived or actual slights”,however, they are all actual slights to me because they either rise up from within or are external comments and behaviours that trigger something from within. Here are examples of what has set me
I would say the main way the devaluation process starts is by pure withdrawal. For example , no return calls, stop sending texts etc . The process could have sarcasm but I would say that this occurs more in the form of ignoring / avoiding .
Would your devaluation be as ruthless if you knew this clown must look down on everyone eventually?
When one is a useless piece of detrimental shit, the only way to feel powerful, is to make YOU believe that you have none, and that it’s just you.
It’s actually not personal. What you are experiencing is a turd chasing away truth flies, and you are buzzing the closest.
Think of yourself as clownlateral damage.
Dear Min,
You've asked a very good question because it's one that will ultimately lead you down the path you need to go.
The reason devaluation hurts so much is the exact same reason that “ideation” feels so very wonderful. The answer is, these things feel the way they do because somewhere inside of you, for whatever reason, you have an incredibly low opinion of yourself.
The ideation feels so great because it targets these specific things and lifts you up from that low feeling inside of yourself. For whatever reason, you've become unable to lift yourself up and truly feel and believe that you ar
You have to understand what goes on in a NPD mind first.
NPDs don’t like themselves. They perfectly know they are toxic and broken, so they build up a world of lies and acts to feel “good” - and crave for people that see them as Special.
Said so,
during the idolization phase they mirror you. In their mind you are very well worth, but if you see how much broken inside they are, MAYBE you won’t go on with them.
So the show starts. They are very good, skilled COGNITIVE empaths so they see in a bit what kind of person you are. They observe carefully how you talk, your body language, the topic you ch
Not in my experience. He had to attack and demean me in every possible way because he was already seeing his future fuel source. I didn’t know at the time. I couldn’t understand why I was being subjected to such a toxic level of emotional abuse, where my body, my ability to mother, my skills as a wife were assaulted to a point where I was left reeling. He sent me pornographic images, compared me to other women, at one point told me he wished he had slept with someone that propositioned him at a Music Festival….. the list was endless.
It was an all out assault and war on me as a person, as a wom
Narcissists need some form of extreme emotion, to give them a sense of purpose, to validate their existence.
During the love-bombing, narcissists are being fueled by the excitement of something new, by the thrill of the chase of ensnaring you, such that they are feeling pretty good.
But, once the novelty wears off, once they have secured you as long term supply, the absence of extreme emotions starts creeping in, and they find themselves bored, low on fuel, with no purpose.
At this stage, the most natural way to re-ignite the fueling potential of the relationship, is to start inducing “energy rel
You can lead a horse to water…
Narcissists will never accept blame, but you can make them hurt. If the narcissist understands that you can and will punish certain behaviours, they will be much more careful about how they will behave towards you.
Only able to attach negatively, it should be understood by now that they will hate you forever.
Still, you have things to achieve, and if you must weather the hate of the eternally jealous, so be it.
It's the subtle things that hurt narcissists most, the gentle exclusions, the implied rejection, death by a thousand paper cuts on the highly sensitive head o
All narcissists devalue.
I’m going to talk specifically about covert narcissists and how they devalue.
It’s one of the three pillars of narcissism.
I just made that up because people like 3 pillars in everything, but there are 3.
Idealization
Devaluation
Discard
There’s one more, Hoovering, but it’s more like an extension of the discard cycle, so let’s not count it as a pillar. For various reasons a Hoover might not ALWAYS happen, so it’s not absolutely necessary to the cycle.
Covert narcissists devalue from the very beginning. They will devalue you to others in various passive-aggressive ways.
Sometimes this takes the form of a put-down, but more often the problem lies in their failure to support you, their failure to stick up for you, and their failure to defend you.
The covert narcissist fails to help or assist you in life, although they want to be known as someone who does help, who does assist.
It may even be what they’re known for, but when it comes to their partner or primary source of supply, they are not there, they do not help, they do not assist and this can be as damaging as DOING something TO someone.
I’ve heard this called weaponized incompetence but I prefer weaponized disappointment. It aligns more closely with my lived experience with a covert narcissist.
Incompetence can be interpreted as that thing we sometimes see men do, like eff up the laundry. They might do it so badly that you’ll never ask them to do it again.
Weaponized disappointment is so much more than that. It touches on every aspect of the narcissist's life and their partner’s life and it’s not just effing up the laundry. It's a failure to be there, a failure to do things that need to be done in order to feel good and positive about life and help your partner feel positive about life. It’s a failure to be the good person they present themselves to be.
It’s failure to be good.
This is devaluation too and it’s not only about name-calling and projection and word salad and gaslighting. These are the things you’ll get more toward the end, but in the beginning, you’ll see weaponized disappointment all over the place.
When a narcissist begins to devalue you, it’s important to remember why they do it.
IT’S SIMPLE.
BECAUSE THEY DON’T VALUE YOU AS MUCH AS THEY USED TO.
They don’t value you as much as they used to for a lot of reasons.
Because they feel like very entitled people, perfect people, and you’re obviously not perfect. They should have a perfect mate. You’re not a perfect mate. That’s the beginning.
It starts with them seeing your flaws and allowing your flaws to grow disproportionately in their minds until they are really unrecognizable.
These might be things you do or things you say. Or ways you say it.
Whatever your flaws they fixate on them and they become obsessed with them and they can’t unsee them and they become gigantic behemoths.
The narcissist will fixate on that and these things will become the basis for everything they will subsequently do.
I call it “the thing”. There’s always something you’re doing wrong and it’s “the thing”.
“The thing” changes. You’re never allowed to know what it actually is, or if you’re told you’re told once and never again. Since it changes all the time any way you’re so confused you have no idea which way is up anymore.
In that sense, nothing they do is an evil villain’s master plan.
Narcissists, like all of us, go through every messy minute of life a moment at a time. Very few of us have any idea what we’re doing and that’s not just true for narcissists.
But if we have the ability self-reflect, and the ability to connect with others and understand other perspectives through empathy, we can start to build some common understanding of the disconnected perspectives we inhabit in our 3 or 4 lbs of grey matter we tote around. We can begin to build on a common and connected understanding of reality. This is why we have a society at all and why we have people who understand right from wrong.
Narcissists understand right from wrong in that they understand what society says is right and wrong.
That doesn’t mean they KNOW right from wrong. It doesn’t mean they carry it inside of them like most of us do since it was inculcated in us by our parents and our teachers and our peers.
Anything they think about what is right or what is wrong is ALWAYS, ALWAYS reflected through someone else’s eyes. It's always about how they’re perceived.
In that sense, narcissists have NO morality at all. They don’t believe anything they choose to do can ever be wrong. It’s that sense of entitlement and superiority coming into play. So while they certainly get that society says don’t do this or don’t do that and they don’t— because they are obsessed with their image and the perception of it—they then use that perception to buy bootlegged influence in the world. The influence they don’t deserve because their reputation is undeserved.
They aren’t nice guys and they aren’t easy going and they aren’t laid back or good neighbors or great husbands or anything else their public perception allows them to get away with claiming.
This is why they can abuse their partner relentlessly for supply and degrade and humiliate them in private in a way we know a good person can’t do. It’s because any good people see in them is fake. It’s mimicked.
It’s NOT real and so they can enjoy your suffering or seeing you squirm or sabotaging you or making you cry then deny they enjoy it and turn around and blame you for thinking bad things about them—thinking things like ”they’re enjoying this.” Because they are. But you’re the bad one not them and it becomes a perfect circle.
They escape everything. It’s how they work. It’s how they operate. It’s the mechanism by which they knock you down bit by bit until there’s nothing left of you but a pile of misplaced shame and guilt.
It’s the shame they gave you, the shame that should rightfully be theirs but they’ll never take it on.
Like the second law of thermodynamics which loosely states that all energy is conserved, all their shame has to go somewhere and it’s coming your way.
So yes, all narcissists devalue.
They do it for the simplest reason.
They see nothing of value in you and compared to them you have so little value it’s hardly worth mentioning.
So of course when they bring out the weights and measures, when they produce the scale, you are found wanting.
If someone was always coming up short in your eyes if they were always failing you in some way, if they were always showing in many ways how they’re not good enough for you, wouldn’t you be disappointed?
Wouldn’t they start to feel less valuable to you?
More annoying?
Less worth the effort you put into the relationship previously?
Of course they would—If you had no personal experience of love.
Narcissists cannot love so they inevitably devalue.
It’s the most natural thing in the world for someone who cannot conceive of a world where love exists at all.
Good luck out there - myla
THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE.
Narcissists suffer from NPD.
Their disorder gives them justifications, excuses and reasons for mistreating you.
When you, inevitably, fail to supply the narcissist, the way they need to be supplied, the narcissist starts disliking you.
Narcissists don't know the real reason behind their resentment towards you. They don't know that it's caused by a disorder that requires for their se
Usually triggered by them having achieved a place in your heart and your life. When they know you are in love with them and have opened your heart. When you have broken up another relationship to be with them. When they have moved in with you or you with them. When you have come out as a couple with friends and family. When they feel secure enough to start really testing your boundaries.
First, they put you on a pedestal and make you feel special. They study you and say all the things you’ve been waiting to hear. They make sure that you know you are something more than everyone else to them. You hear how they talk and treat other people. They NEVER talk to you like that because you’re different to them than everyone one else. They value what they have in you!
Then one day, literally out of the blue, they STOP THAT. Now they are ignoring you and when they talk to you, they are talking to you as if you are the single most irritating person they’ve ever met. They are upset that yo
The NPD DEVALUES = Triangulation using other people/supply to make you jealous & insecure. Hot & cold behaviors. One day the NPD is HOT to you & loves you. The next day the NPD is COLD to you & says the opposite to you. Playing you like a yo-yo it is UP n DOWN. One day you will feel great & the NPD treats you good. The next day the NPD treats you like POOP and you feel awful about yourself. Your SELF ESTEEM is really low on some days. Then your SELF ESTEEM is really HIGH on others when the NPD makes you feel good. You will notice BAD MOODS. Tantrums. Rages. Lies. The NPD will not be “nice” lik
