Discussion»Questions»Human Behavior» How far does being gracious go? Does it include being polite/respectful to those who are rude/insulting to you? Why?
I try to be - probably manage to be most of the time. Depends on the circumstances. Sometimes it is necessary to assert a boundary -- sometimes very firmly. In private life, rarely, I loose my temper and jackal back at someone I love. It doesn't and cannot work - only escalates a conflict. The best way, or the one that works best for me, is Marshall Rosenberg's Non-Violent Communication.
Thank you for your reply hartfire. I generally avoid/ignore completely. I do not wish to engage with rude people so I don't usually do so. Once in a rare while I might say something to someone who is particularly obnoxious. But that is rare. :)
One of my favourite takes is this ... A young American women in the 1930s was a guest at an English ancestral house... A guest of the lord's son... After the first two courses of the meal, she asked permission to smoke ... The lord said of course - then called over the maitre and cancelled the other courses and to bring in the port and cigars.
I still don't quite know if he was being gracious ... Or wearing a velvet glove, made her look foolish!
He caused the others to suffer. I think he was extremely rude to them. Why would he give preference to a rude girl? He could have said "I would prefer that you smoke in the smoking room" or something. Let her get up and leave the table and have her smoke elsewhere. He looked foolish and rude to me. Maybe it doesn't translate well. Maybe I'm missing something. I see nothing gracious about how he treated his other guests. Thank you for your reply Ozgirl and Happy Tuesday! :)
I think you maybe overlying the cultural conventions and his they were upheld despite the costs because that was what separated then from us ... Smoking never commenced till the last course ... I believe the other guests would have agreed that graciousness to a guests wants is important... But so is cultural conventions re when it's ok to smoke... Both needs were satisfied by his actions
If I think they are good people inside, i let them say whatever and then retire from the.argument probably apologising for screwing up. If I think they are ill intentioned and evil, then no. Then I'll let them have it.
Benedict Arnold 