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Baybreeze

Christmas gifts for abusive parent(s)?

I recently posted about wondering how to go about living with two abusive, sick parents; as an adult they treat me incapable of many things, belittle me, have even hit/pushed me recently, and I was very close to reporting assault to police, but didn't. I have low self esteem, never dated, and feel less than many people b/c of their awful words and actions to me for YEARS. I am looking into therapy now, and I am unsure how to go about the holidays.. do I still get two persons who have shamed me, mocked me, etc, gifts, to be a 'daughter' still, or do I not get something, for how I feel is depleted and sad that I don't 'have' parents... what would you do?

Posted - December 4, 2016
Tags : None

Responses


  • 7938
    A farewell letter
    A kick in the behind.
    A certificate for counseling.
      December 4, 2016 11:38 PM MST
    1

  • 46117
    I was not abused in any sense, but if I were? It would go something like this.  I would write a nice Christmas letter.

    Dear Mom and Dad.  Thank you so much for all you have done for me.  I never knew that pain and fright and terror could be overcome, but since it has, it has made me a strong person.   Thank you for that opportunity to become me.  I must say, because of your continued abuse and withholding of love, I can honestly say, that no child of mine, nor any child ever that comes into my fold will ever suffer at my hands. 

    That is all I can thank you for, but at least you can see that I am big enough to confront you and tell you that I am okay and I forgive you so I can move on with my life.  I hope, sincerely that something in you wants to get help and maybe there is a way for you to change if you are open to it.  If not?  Then you are already in hell, and I pity you sincerely.

    Your Daughter. 

    My parents were very good to me and this is not a real letter.
      December 4, 2016 11:58 PM MST
    2

  • 1615
    I couldn't have said it better.
      December 5, 2016 7:54 AM MST
    1

  • 46117
    Thank you, Mr. Thumb.  I pray none of that applies to anything that happened to you.  I pray you had nice parents.
      December 5, 2016 8:39 AM MST
    1

  • 19938
    The only thing I would give them is my fowarding address.
      December 5, 2016 10:11 AM MST
    1

  • 1523
    I wouldn't even give them that.
      December 5, 2016 12:18 PM MST
    1

  • 19938
    Maybe you're right. 
      December 5, 2016 2:01 PM MST
    1

  • 1138
    Thx Munchkin.. I feel like I'm a 'bad' person if I didn't give them something... but they ONLY take from me; mentally , physically, and have felt like a slave , robot my whole life.... but yet they'd tell other fam. members 'she didn't get me anything' if I didn't, but I guess I shouldn't care.... ty M
      December 5, 2016 6:16 PM MST
    0

  • 1138
    Ty spunky... I wish I had a forwarding address :/ I feel if I don't give they'll find another fault with that :/
      December 5, 2016 6:15 PM MST
    0

  • 19938
    Baybreeze, you must understand that apparently nothing you do or not do will please them.  It took me a very long time to learn that lesson and once I stopped trying to please people who would never be happy, I was happy. 
      December 6, 2016 8:03 AM MST
    1

  • 1138
    Ty friend *huggg. I need to realize MY h appiness is going to count now, too. My worth, joy or anything others feel or have, I'm going to give to ME.  Ty again, happy holidays :)
      December 6, 2016 6:11 PM MST
    1

  • 19938
    Yes, you do need to realize that your happiness is very important.  Considering their poor treatment of you, I would have to say that your happiness is more important than theirs.  You have a happy holiday, too.
      December 7, 2016 7:55 AM MST
    1

  • 1138
    Aww ty friend. It means a lot to hear my happines IS important.. being treated nearly every day of your life, as a piece of trash, like a 'thing' instead of a human, you begin to BELIEVE, 'hmm, do I 'really' deserve joy ???' You think, no, I guess I don't. :/  It is people liek you who uplift and say even a kind word that helps me feel a bit light inside; ty so much.
      December 8, 2016 6:46 PM MST
    0

  • 19938
    You're very welcome.  You are entitled to be treated well by others, especially your parents.  you deserve to be happy and, hopefully, one day you will find it.  Never, never, never give up.
      December 8, 2016 7:53 PM MST
    1

  • 1138
    *Huggggg*
      December 8, 2016 9:47 PM MST
    1

  • 1326
    Seems to me as though you may be the child of two parents that suffer from mental desease. you need to leave that situation asap. I hope you find help for yourself, and I hope your parents get help themselves. believe me one day you may find a way to forgive them and you will heal. all the best to you!
      December 6, 2016 8:21 PM MST
    1

  • 1138
    Thank you A. I know one DEFINITELY has a mental illness, and just has not received any treatment; she is volatile, abusive, irrational, highly childish.... the other I suspect also has an illness, bipolar perhaps, but not as 'severe'. I just know when I leave, I need to CUT them out, for good, with the awful words they have said to me, like I should just 'take it' no matter what :(  But then, I have no one to help me; financially if I ever needed... I have no real fam. member who cares, and only 2 friends who are very involved in mainly their own life. I hope I can find peace and the clarity to get my 'own' place, it is just scar y :(
      December 8, 2016 6:48 PM MST
    0

  • I would do something that has a reaching benefit. For instance, a donation to a local animal shelter in their name.
      December 6, 2016 9:21 PM MST
    1