Discussion » Questions » Human Behavior » I wonder if intelligent, accomplished women who happen to be beautiful get sick and tired of being called "hot"? How would YOU feel?
RosieG

I wonder if intelligent, accomplished women who happen to be beautiful get sick and tired of being called "hot"? How would YOU feel?

Being referred to as "hot" reduces a woman to what she looks like, not what she can do or whom she is. Why do people do that? Minimize the accomplishments of beautiful women? Why not simply say "she is very smart and talented" and leave out the part about being a "hot babe"?

Posted - December 6, 2016
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Responses


  • 326
      December 6, 2016 3:42 AM MST
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  • 113301
    Thank you for your reply and Happy Tuesday.
      December 6, 2016 5:14 AM MST
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  • I'm sure some do and some don't.  It probably really depends how recognized they are for their intellect and hard work as opposed to just being good looking.  I'd imagine it's often  on a case by case basis even.  A pig of a coworker saying it?  "screw you"  A respected colleague who shows a clear respect for the woman as a whole saying it?  " You're damn right I am". 
    ( Possibly? Maybe?  Am I just being a typical male a**hole?  IDK!)

    To be fair this does happen to  attractive men too. Not ignored for their accomplishments nearly as much. Yet  I hear about talented and accomplished men being called hot and their attractiveness highlighted as well. It's worth noting the male of our species is highly responsive to form and visual stimulation by nature.  So there's that.  Also for a vast amount of reasons (both good and bad) the female of the species tends to take more effort in highlighting their attractivness.  Point being, there are non-sexist reasons we hear it more about women than men in addition to the ingrained latent sexism that also adds to it. 


    I've noticed something in my experience about this.  It often seems it bothers women of a certain older age group than it does younger generations of women.  Not in effect and experience, but in terms of numbers.  This kinda suggest, to me, that women in previous generations who experienced more overt sexism and had less recognition for their work see it this way.  Where younger women who's experience happened in a time and culture more accepting women in work positions who felt more acknowledged for their minds and accomplishment.  They tend to accept it more and take the "  Kicking A** and looking hot doing it" mindset.


    Please don't misinterpret this as suggesting sexism isn't still a part of society or that women are still seen as objects by some, if not by many.  I'm not suggesting that.
      December 6, 2016 3:58 AM MST
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  • 113301
    I have had personal experience with this Glis. Not me personally but my best friend in junior college. She was drop dead gorgeous and brilliant. She was also very sweet and modest. I know it sounds impossible to be all those things but she was. We attended Pasadena City College and she was a finalist one year for Rose Queen. I cannot tell you how hurt she was and also really irritated with people who constantly commented on her appearance. She was an A student with an excellent mind and people simply could not get over or beyond her beauty. I mean at first I was awestruck too then we got to be friends and honestly I stopped noticing her beauty which is why I guess we became such good friends.  Probably tons of women would have loved to be in her shoes. She did not ejoy for one second.  Of course I don't know what happened after we graduated. She moved away and we lost touch. That was when we were 17-18. Many decades ago. I often think of her though when I see people like Ivanka being called hot. How sick of it is she? Why can't people get beyond the surface?  So that's the reason for the question. Whether age has anything to do with it or not I cannot say. I do not care. Thank you for your thoughtful reply! :) I do remember once I put down a Vice-President though. I was in his office to ask a question and he greeted me with "How pretty you look today". I told him that made very uncomfortable and I would appreciate his never doing that again. He apologized and I never had a problem with him. I am not nor never have I been beautiful but I did have my time in the sun when I was younger. I had no lack of dates. What I also was and am is a very serious person who focuses on content not packaging. I never was flattered when guys whistled at me. I hated it. I thought it was insulting and disrespectful. I don't know if other females feel that way. I only know about me .  That's what I always bring and share. Me. :)
      December 6, 2016 5:11 AM MST
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  • I totally see where you are coming from.
    I always do my best to try and make a gal feel pretty I come into contact with.  However that isn't me trying to make that of a prime importance or place it above character and mind.   Those are a big part of what makes them so IMHO.  I think there is a delicate balance and it starts with having class and respect. Always make a gal feel pretty, always respect them for who they are inside, and never make them uncomfortable.  If you do apologize and try to correct it or walk away if that's what they want. Women don't belong to us and they don't exist just to be our play things.
      December 6, 2016 5:35 AM MST
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  • 113301
    ((hugs)) :):):)
      December 6, 2016 5:46 AM MST
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  • Visual stimulation is a major part of all our lives Rosie.  Some people just take it too far, or are unimaginative in their response to it.

    While no paragon by any means, I haven't referred to anyone as 'hot' since I was about 15 (it's partly no doubt a generational thing too).  

    It was around at time that I was sat down and given what can best be described as the social version of 'birds and bees' - how males and females get on, and how they don't.  This happened many years ago and some of it is now very out of date.  Some of it I admit I immediately discarded.

    But the central tenet was: no matter what you see, always look people in the eye when you speak to them (I still remember my uncle's great line, 'Unless you expect a reply from a pair of tits?')  Pay attention to the person, not the clothes, or the hair, or erm... anything else.  I admit it took some time and my attempts weren't always successful, but I've done it without thinking for decades.

    I'm happy to admit I have no direct experience of what you describe myself, but for a serious minded person with a desire to succeed in a chosen field, (or worse, to have actually succeeded) it must be infuriating.  Were it to happen to me in some alternate universe I suspect my response would eventually be one of minor, but very painful violence.
      December 6, 2016 6:00 AM MST
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  • 113301
    Thank you for a very thoughtful answer MrWitch. I know guys and gals are wired differently. My son had an experience when he was in his teens that I think helped him understand things much better about what some gals experience. He had a friend who was a teenage counselor to troubled kids. There were annual trips to a mountain retreat..both genders...where counselors and the kids spent about a week together as I recall. Away from parents and daily life. He invited my son to attend one year just as a visitor. The kids shared their lives and their troubles around the fire at night before bedtime and it opened his eyes and mind to things he would never have known otherwise. At the end of his time there he thanked me for providing a "normal" life for him...one he had taken for granted but never would again. He saw how at first the boys there treated the girls....how the girls broke down and cried and explained why. He had never been a smart a** as far as I could tell but he came back more mature and knowledgeable about the lives some kids live that for him would be unthinkable. Guys don't have it so easy either. Much is expected of them...some of it contradictory. Girls can cry but guys shouldn't because it makes them look soft . Really? Who sez so? Happy Thursday! :) This post was edited by RosieG at December 8, 2016 3:11 AM MST
      December 8, 2016 3:09 AM MST
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  • 2219
    Any red blooded male will appreciate a female's good looks, but like MrWitch we really ought not to be calling them hot once we're past adolescence.


    In any case, any accomplished person will reasonably find it rude to be complimented on their appearance rather than their deeds.  
      December 6, 2016 6:17 AM MST
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  • 113301
    Precisely Malizz. Environment matters.  Context matters. In an office the protocol is very different than it would be at a party. At a party any gal would LOVE to have someone say "how pretty you look". Not in the office where business is being conducted. There it is out of place in my opinion. Thank you for your thoughtful reply and Happy Thursday! :)
      December 8, 2016 3:13 AM MST
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  • 46117
    We do the same to men.  We call them hunks, handsome, etc.  We are a nation of shallow, mindless, knew-jerk responses.   SO, men and women cater to filling that need and reaping the harvest of what that need allows.

    If someone is beautiful, they usually have the first and maybe second advantage.  But if there is nothing else, they will probably be overshadowed.  Trump looks like someone's back end but he won.   Of course, he did have that HOT wife.  UGH and HOT daughter. 
      December 6, 2016 6:47 AM MST
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  • 113301
    I wonder how tired Melania and Ivanka are of being referred to by their looks first, last, always? Thank you for your thoughtful reply and Happy Thursday! :)
      December 8, 2016 3:15 AM MST
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  • 283
    Anyone who uses the word "hot" is an immature jerk. Being complimented on ones looks is nice. Most women spend time putting together an outfit, doing their hair and makeup. For someone to notice that effort is not a bad thing. If it is the only thing they notice, then again they are an immature jerk.

    I am not gorgeous. I think I am average looking, but have been told I am beautiful by several people to whom I am not related. (Relatives can be biased.) I am blonde and I have an ample chest. I have had my share of idiots who have approached me thinking with that combo I was a walking blonde joke. I corrected them, and then I was called a b__ch. I am fine with that. I realize it is because I humiliated them. Hopefully though, it would make them think twice before making any assumptions again.

    However if someone gave a nice compliment, such as "That outfit looks great on you.", "I like your new hair cut.", or " That color really suits you." I simply say thank you and appreciate the fact that someone took the time and made an effort to compliment me. I think a lot of people don't compliment others anymore because they fear it will be taken the wrong way. I have guy friends who have actually told me that.

    At work I also want to hear, "Nice job", "You handled ____ well." "A client called and wanted to thank you for fixing their account." "For all your hard work that we are adding 8 additional hours to your vacation time."  
      December 6, 2016 7:43 AM MST
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  • 113301
    Thank you for your very thoughtful and spot-on analysis Gatorblu. I appreciate the time you took to contribute a helpful answer and also a few examples of what you've encountered. I think environment matters. In a business office when a female is  talking about a project having someone say out of the blue "how pretty you look today" is disrespectful. It minimizes/trivializes her. At a party? Absolutely delightful. When I was younger I had my time in the sun. I was never beautiful but had no lack of dates. I HATED guys whistling at me. I thought it was insulting and not a compliment. I can't speak for other gals. Perhaps some of them enjoy it. I am not them. I never dressed provocatively. I guess I'm old fashioned/modest. I did wear makeup and cared about how I looked. But I didn't ever dress to be the center of attention because as a young child I was painfully shy and I think I still am in some ways.  If we really respect one another that would be a good guide as to how we treat one another.  Just how I see it.  Happy Thursday! :)
      December 8, 2016 3:27 AM MST
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