Pressie from the cat as she was wont a few years back. She's past it now (I think). 

You should see some of the medieval tortures.

Just use the acronym FFS, FFS.

The Black Death

The US Police have steadily been stockpiling military grade weapons for quite a few years now.. 

Apparently the new standard is to have a split flush, such as the one I inherited from the previous owner. All very well, but it stops me from lifting the cistern lid to clean it so it sometimes flushes dirty and I have to clean the bowl.

5 weeks ago.

Travelling salesman problem

Yes

Being British my preference would be for misspelt, but I don't see misspelled as being wrong. 

Wot no facebook

Twice the size of my (previous) house. 

You're never too old. There's just too many other people too damn young.

Yes, but I skipped that year. 

100 + or - 25: regularly counted. 

Fort on the river. Latin version even has a glo'al stop. 

Quantum mechanics. 

Pot calling kettle black.France shares with EU which leaks info to the whole world. 

This may not be as smart as it seems. ││ can be understood to denote cardinality.
However, it is moot whether 0 is a cardinal number (if it exists at all) . 
 

Very deadpan responses. 

│ø│

What's launder?

They have been guinea pigs for worse.

If I try to avoid a traffic jam by taking another route, more often than not I end up in a worse jam.  

Singin' in the rain.

Probably Differential calculus by Edwards 1886. 

If you forget your cloth face coverings there are always plenty of discarded cheap blue ones lying around.

For change all you have to do is count up from the amount due up to the amount tendered. 

Aye: it's ridiculous the way they resort to the calculator for simple sums. 

I prefer to do sums mentally to keep the old grey cells ticking over. 

It's not actually illegal to accuse people falsely.The aim of the police is to obtain convictions and to do this they are entitled to say whatever they like true or false. The occasional theoretical miscarriage of justice is merely collateral damage excep...  moreIt's not actually illegal to accuse people falsely.The aim of the police is to obtain convictions and to do this they are entitled to say whatever they like true or false. The occasional theoretical miscarriage of justice is merely collateral damage except to the convict.  
   

If it's deliberate, they should suffer the punishment they would have inflicted on the victim. 
Having said that, it is a well known interrogation technique to persistently make false accusations in order to elicit a confession from a suitably disori...  moreIf it's deliberate, they should suffer the punishment they would have inflicted on the victim. 
Having said that, it is a well known interrogation technique to persistently make false accusations in order to elicit a confession from a suitably disorientated suspect/fall guy. 
   

2

Last Sunday

The English are certainly into tea; porridge is more for the Scots. 

I  got A John Travolta wig for Grease. Also a bonnie blue wig for a charity walk. 

Double edged. Had it for nearly 60 years.

I had a cold bath about 15 years ago. Only showers since.NO baths in present house.

Kilt

AIn't gonna need this house no longer
Ain't gonna need this house no more. 

Abrdn

Fair weather outdoors, foul weather indoors. 

Strictly

About the simplest Mathematical model you can get. 

10.

Monitoring would only work on those naive enough to trust them. The more savvy will detect and circumvent the process. Fact checkers are on a par with those Communists who wish to foist their own version of the truth upon us. 

Survival as bachelor. 

3 years immediately after the war (which eventually killed him). Enough time to have self and bro and leave mum and grandad to bring us up. 

Why are you using imperial weight units and metric length units. 

Creepy