Piece of nonsense. 'The' woke trying to control your language yet again. 

WLTM 70 yr old lass who's into cycling, dancing and music and tolerates cat.  

Hogmanay bash at Bowling Club

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I don't cause accidents and I don't drive too cautiously. There are plenty of younger folk who don't keep up to the speed limits in good conditions. 

Nae bother; I even bend over in my kilt to tie my laces between dances if they have come undone. I can also stand on one leg and put the other shoe on that knee to tie it. 

Coco

Hatchet

Madam, I'm Adam.

When in Belgium, I bought some chocolate to bring home (as you do). 
It was labelled in French, German and Flemish but none of them were spelt the same way as in English. So I offered my friends Chocolat/Schokolade/Chocolade. 
 

In UK, not a ban as such, rather a nominal charge for each plastic bag used with an exception for food retailers such as butchers. At one stage, the charge applied to paper bags as well. 
There is some pressure to reduce the plastic items in your lis...  moreIn UK, not a ban as such, rather a nominal charge for each plastic bag used with an exception for food retailers such as butchers. At one stage, the charge applied to paper bags as well. 
There is some pressure to reduce the plastic items in your list, but it does not appear to be very effective.   

I called my first piano teacher "Gladys"; probably overheard Mum call her that. I was soon put right.

Christians are meant to be fishers of men (and presumably women), not that it is very evident in most Western churches nowadays. 

I'll take my secrets to the grave, thank you very much. 

Cat but she sometimes takes the initiative. 

No, plan to stuff the cat and self with turkey meat. 

Not. Just cat and self tucking into turkey breast, stuffing, sausages, tatties, other veg and Christmas pud washed down with wine and whisky.  

Neither do I. I see the spelling as a distinction between Irish and Scotch.One of the emigrant branches of the family even changed surname to Mac... from Mc... because the latter was more commonly Irish, the former more Scottish. 
 

No; only take water in my whisky, if anything. 

Like most, in Scouts as a youngster. 
For a couple of years, wife and self used tents on occasion before we migrated to caravanning. Disposed of them after she passed away. 
Last outing was for Boys' Brigade officer training in freezing Grantown...  moreLike most, in Scouts as a youngster. 
For a couple of years, wife and self used tents on occasion before we migrated to caravanning. Disposed of them after she passed away. 
Last outing was for Boys' Brigade officer training in freezing Grantown on Spey.   

No; it sometimes happens to Santa Clauses too. The answer in that case is of course December 25th. 

By yon bonnie banks, as sung at the close of a Scots evening. 

Lochgelly Tawse.

Of course English is the mother tongue. I like to think I make sense of the various tweets in other languages but I really should do more dictionary bashing to check it out. 

I don't really speak them, but I have French, German, Latin, Russian and Albanian on my Twitter feed. 

While we're on the subject "och aye the noo" is a time-honoured line used by Scots comics to establich a ridiculous persona. 

However, rather he translated it from current Scots into English with or without a Scottish accent. 

My razor has done me 60 years. I recently bought a pack of 500 blades which will probably outlast me. 

Rabbie Burns's literary works in Scots had an extensive vocabulary independent of English. Modern Scots, as you have no doubt noticed, is much closer to English but nevertheless still retains some words of its own apart from English with an accent. 

OK, it should read "in the kilt, on ma bike with a blue wig on ma heid". 

Last time was on my bike with a blue wig in the kilt. 

No problem doing it for charity. 

I can generate a big list simply by using the translations on the cat's food packets. 

Piper

My cousin moved to the USA as soon she could to get away from her dad. The poor widower did not have a clue about bringing up two daughters. 

I have tried to get jobs in Canada and Bermuda, in the belief that it might possibly advance my career. 

Gowf clubs. 

My locality has M Crescent, M Court, M Grove, M Park, M Place and M Road; simply the M bit wouldn't cut it. 

HIs brains are in his (...) - Insert body part(s) below the neck or below the waist. 

My cat adores me; but then I'm not the average human being. 

Done it again: old ones running out of notches in buckle. 

Once I had a puncture on the caravan at 5 in the morning. 
Called the breakdown service, but by the time they arrived I'd got the wheel off. Off to wait for the tyre shop to open. they said needs new wheel. Got it from caravan dealer and back to tyre...  moreOnce I had a puncture on the caravan at 5 in the morning. 
Called the breakdown service, but by the time they arrived I'd got the wheel off. Off to wait for the tyre shop to open. they said needs new wheel. Got it from caravan dealer and back to tyre shop to fit.  By the time I returned to caravan, breakdown service said their time to fix it was up, so had to fit wheel back myself. Arriving at destination late in evening, stopped by police checking if we were legit campers. 
 
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Mine trapped herself behind the drawer under the bed after I had taken some bedlinen out. 

Shh, it's a secret/classified. 

SOmetimes have baked beans with a pudden. 

Being with best woman in the world. 

Tea and toast, plus a banana.

If he's in disguise, the valid passport will give the show away.