The word is ask her to or you are likely to have either...a) a very dull, lifeless woman who has NO interest in you in bed cos she feels like you treat her as a domestic servant or b) a woman who tells you to make your own sandwich.
Yes, of course there are direct, automatic, irrefutable and irreversible connotations to each of your examples. We can't forget that, you won't let us. (Insert eye-roll here.) __
Randy D 