Discussion » Questions » Relationships » How do I stop resenting my friend's relationship?
Benedict Arnold

How do I stop resenting my friend's relationship?

Disclaimer: I'm aware this will probably make me come off as "bitter" and "jealous", but oh well.

Basically she started messing with a dude that had already been in a relationship for 3 yrs. No matter how many times we told her to respect his relationship and leave him alone, she would do things like go down to his dorm and get drunk and they'd fool around anyway. He ended up cheating w/ her, his gf dumped him for it, and now he and my friend have now been together for almost a year. I already can't stand that, in part b/c around the same time that happened I also had a guy I really liked too, and she knew this, but he was already in a relationship as well so I chose to respect that and leave him alone (which of course I don't regret)... and yet my friend acts the way she did, and is now in a relationship that I honestly feel like for the past year now she's been rubbing in my face.

For example, she'll straight up just start making out with her bf in front of me, and then look over at me as if trying to see if I was looking (but I've started ignoring them/ looking down at my phone when they do that). She goes on and on about their sex life, how many kids they're going to have, her many pregnancy scares, the couples challenges they do, and how she's "permanently taken now" (she'd never really had a relationship before him). And last semester, she asked me to help her with a project for her photo class, which I had no clue would end up being a couples photo shoot, with me standing there having to take over 60 pictures of them making out and holding each other. Her bf even addressed that, but she claims that wasn't her intention.

I sit there and listen to all her brags and complaints, all the while biting my tongue because I don't want to risk coming off as the single, bitter, jealous friend. I feel like I should be over the way they got together; what's done is done, "it took two" and all that, but I'm hateful towards the situation, I'm not going to lie. It leaves me wondering why how people can do f**ked up things and then pretty much get rewarded.

Posted - January 4, 2017
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Responses


  • 10052
    In all honesty, I wouldn't choose to continue to be friends with someone who behaved that way.. she sounds pretty dreadful. That's how I would choose to get past it.

    Now, as far as how you feel about wondering how people can do f-ed up things and then pretty much get rewarded, I hate to say it, but you're going to continue to see it as long as you're on this planet. People deal with it in different ways. Some choose to believe in Karma, some in the whole heaven and hell and vengeance and all of that. Lots of people go with the "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em" scenario. Personally, I have learned that all that Ican do is try to live the best way I know how. Be the most just, the least harmful, most kind and least angry person that I can be, and not worry too much about what others are doing. It's taken decades, and I still get upset about certain injustices, but for the most part, I've learned that worrying about things that I don't have any control over does me more harm than it does any good to anyone.

    Hope this is helpful for you. Peace!
      January 4, 2017 9:34 PM MST
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  • 7938
    Savvy said what I was going to, more or less. Your friend's behavior will bite her in the butt later, but she's young and doesn't realize it yet. These are the experiences that make us better people in the end, but, not until we have consequences for our actions. Odds are, he's going to cheat on her as well, and then she'll realize any "man" that can be stolen isn't worth having and the collateral damage from being the other woman just isn't worth it. 

    In the meantime, if I was you, I'd distance myself from the friend. She has some growing up to do and she will grow, but life's going to have to kick her behind first. If you are good friends and you care about her, keep biting your tongue and be there for her when it all falls apart. It will.
      January 5, 2017 8:54 AM MST
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  • 22891
    i would just stay away from her if you dont want to hear it
      January 5, 2017 3:01 PM MST
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  • 17565
    On how many sites have you posted this novella?
      January 5, 2017 5:54 PM MST
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