I'm getting old but still working. Married with one natural son, one stepdaughter. I was raised by my mother who is 86 now. I had a difficult start in life because I was hospitalized for a month on the critical list with a brain defect. I recovered fully and beat the odds since I have no physical disabilities. My poor mother had to sell our house to pay the medical bills. We moved in with my grandparents, who lived on a farm. That opened up a new world for me. (rural living!)
How wonderful your mother's love! :) Raising kids is never easy. Haven't done it myself but have been a teacher so understand something of kids. Despite its love and joys, parenting is hard work. I've lived the first half on my life in the city and the second on a farm, so I appreciate the huge difference. Thank you for your answer.
This post was edited by Benedict Arnold at January 7, 2017 2:38 PM MST
I think I am the poster child for having a huge change from what I was when I was young to what I am now.
I used to be shy and very much a push over. I also suffered from poor self esteem and always felt like I was at the whim of everyone. Looking back, both my parents really had a lot of insecurities and I learned it all well.
But as an adult, I had only myself to rely on many times. This forced a lot of changes over the years.
Today I consider myself a strong woman who can speak her mind. I never lost my kindness and care for others though. I feel blessed instead of cursed in life. I am very lucky to have had this positive transformation. I cannot imagine living the same hell today that I lived when I was young.
You and I have messaged each other a bit in the past, and I know we share much in common. It's fabulous when we finally break free of the past and reach a pint of being able to guide our own path and direction positively.
Hugs to you hartfire and keep plugging away. Surround yourself with people and things that will bring you up, not down. Made a huge difference in how I see things now.
I completely agree. When I was young I somehow attracted people who perpetually needed help. I needed to feel needed. I would spend so much time in rescuing that there was little time left over for me or my needs and so the relationships were disastrous. I had to learn how to stop thinking like a victim. Most of all I needed to be aware of my moment by moment reactions, so I could see when I was over-reacting based on programming from my past. In the split second of seeing an emotion arise, I have the choice of how to express my feeling before it comes out, to accept responsibility for it as part of my own processes and not as something caused by another. I had to learn better communication techniques, boundaries and to let people learn how to rescue and fix themselves before I could attract and create relationships of equality and mutual respect and trust.
I can only remember as far back when my father disappeared and left six of us...me, two brothers and three sisters. My Mother was in Maine for her Father's funeral. I got shipped to Florida to live with an aunt. my other siblings got sent elsewhere. I enjoyed my two years in FL...it is where I became a science nut. My mom remarried and we all got back together. We had to be frugal, as we had a small income. My stepfather was a perv and molested two of my sisters. I joined the US Navy to avoid going to Nam and getting shot. That changed my life. I loved Navy life but my first wife was not frugal and tried her damndest to spend all of my money. After retiring I went into science teaching, which I have also retired from. My second wife also loves to spend money, as she never had any til I came along. I will not be trying to change much, as I have reached all of my goals.
all on course... I am what I am That I am a work in progress... ...started as an abandoned baby adopted stint in Navy three years of college had an experience of oneness and dropped out to go to india. Hitch hiked Was literally taken to my Spiritual Masters. lived in ashram for a year studied with different Spiritual Gurus. Returned to the states now working as a Contractor to pay rent ...and incredibly still here...LOL
This post was edited by Baba at January 7, 2017 12:46 PM MST
Life's a journey not a destination as the great Aerosmith say in one of their songs :P I do believe that's true.. I never consciously embarked on a journey to become more aware of myself and of others.. it just kinda happened.. almost like it was a gift? I had a very rough start... abused in all the ways you can think of, I survived by living inside my head a lot of the time - i was able to shut a lot out and didn't allow it to *reach* me mentally.. perhaps that made me stronger? Perhaps I am stronger because of it? Maybe it made me more compassionate? More empathic? Or maybe that was a gift too?
I feel fairly uncertain in where and how i am at the moment.. I dont mean that in a self-pitying way.. just that I sense or know I am on a slightly different path.. and I don't get know where or how that will end up... I only know it's different... and too new to really know much about it...
I know that the path I was on was pretty cool... by all accounts! It had wild adventures! And it had spiritual/Personal enlightenment... I knew cool stuff and did it, without the need to read endless books or learn it.. i just did it and was it...
Lol but i am not on that path now...so does that mean I am no longer super cool? I think that's a possibility.. I have this odd feeling that I am now more like a mere mortal :P Human, fragile, no longer all seeing, all knowing... well I guess that's the next lesson life has in store for me.. to learn how to be *normal* again.
It puts me in mind of the old Zen aphorism: before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water; after enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. I believe it is intended to mean that nothing much changes on the outside, but on the inside, enlightenment creates contentment and happiness.
This post was edited by Benedict Arnold at January 7, 2017 2:39 PM MST
The older I get the more I'm able to see how my adult life was fashioned by my childhood. I was in my 40s before I started to become my own person but since then I've never looked back.
Ogden Nash, in his epic "The Four Bastards" wailed that, "My position at the bottom of society I owe to the qualities my parents bequeathed me long ago." To some extent we're all in that position. Some of us throw it off, some of us don't; and some take longer than others to realise that the things they were taught by their parents may have been flavoured with heavy doses of prejudice.
B.H.Wilson 