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Discussion » Questions » Relationships » How could one REALLY just feel relaxed about dating?
Baybreeze

How could one REALLY just feel relaxed about dating?

I know in theory, it should be fun, light, relaxed. I've never dated because I feel unworthy of mens' time, and like they'd sense the anxiety I've had b/c of abuse I've endured also. I get so so nervous, that they'd feel like, why is she dating? However its ' strange; I'm kind, humorous, giving, loving and compassionate, but I don't think of those things when contemplating actually going OUT with a  guy and just dating for fun. I just think of how I 'might' get very nervous which amps my anxiety already, and I decline :(  How could one just truly feel light and relaxed?? Do you have any special tactic >?

Posted - January 22, 2017
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Responses


  • 22891
    maybe you should talk to a counselor about it, ive never dated myself, i grew up in a family where my parents isolated us, we werent allowed to have friends over or even date either when i was a teenager, my parents were always the type to never hug or show affection at all, to this day ive always felt uncomfortable about hugging anyone. i dont even know how to relate to anyone in that way, relationships sound weird to me cause of it and i cant get close to anyone. theres times ive wondered if it wouldve been theraupetic for me to get a pet since we are allowed one where i live but ive been out of work but i might have a job soon. so i might consider it since i never have anyone to be close with, i rarely have friends to do stuff with either. i think the way my family raised me affected me to this day and im 56, personally, i dont think people should have kids if theyre going to affect them that way for life. i feel the same way you do, 
      January 22, 2017 8:31 PM MST
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  • 1138
    I agree Pearl; if you are going to harm your child either emotionally or physically WHY have them? Some say it is 'unintentional'... you know what, if you know inside you are yelling, hitting, criticising belittling, m ocking a child, it is no accident. That is how I feel in my case; saying 'I was busy' (my mothers line for years of abuse to me) is just beyond sad to me. I feel for you too P, that you feel hard to relate to others too.. I fear that, and also what guys think of me overall that they'd somehow know, I was less, or that I'd been abused, so therefore not confident. :/ I guess if I'm going to try to overcome this, I need to WANT i t and feel Hell, I"m OK the way I am.... but it is so hard to truly feel that way.... but I know it needs to be done. I hope you can too friend!! YOU deserve love and  joy  *HUG
      January 22, 2017 8:53 PM MST
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