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Discussion » Questions » Human Behavior » Is forgiving overrated?
Benedict Arnold

Is forgiving overrated?



I've heard all the arguments on "he who don't forgives drinks his own poison"
Of "holding a grudge is like drinking poison and expect somebody else to die"
And that's not even getting into the religiosity of it all.

Shouldn't repentance, reparations, and true remorse be precursors forgiveness?
Shouldn't  forgiveness  be a gift I give to the other guy if he deserves it. Someone who shows genuine remorse, and is willing to pay whatever reparations necessary. Otherwise... What good is it to forgive someone who feel he.hasn't done any wrong?.

How bout you, forgive.and.move on, or hold the grudge even if you end up taking it to the grave?

Posted - February 27, 2017
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Responses


  • Hi Lago,
    Here is what I do about forgiveness...because, the past is just information.

    So, why do I need to forgive someone about giving me useful information?
    I don't even care about repentance reparations and remorse...that's the other person's problem...although, if there truly is new information coming in then I might adjust my evaluation of the situation... This post was edited by Benedict Arnold at February 27, 2017 3:59 PM MST
      February 27, 2017 2:17 PM MST
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  • Is it not a matter of justice?
    You don't care about reparations you say. So if your life savings were.stolen and the.guy got caught. You wouldn't mind about getting you money back?
    About someone out there making life miserable for others and just completely and totally sliding into old age without ever answering for his deeds. 
    Like nothing.
    Completely having gotten away with it.
    That doesn't bother you? This post was edited by Benedict Arnold at February 27, 2017 11:45 PM MST
      February 27, 2017 2:39 PM MST
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  • Hi Lago,
    Yes my practice is to decide at the time, based on available information, which steps to proceed with...and I have indeed taken measures.

    But ideally not allowing the person to manipulate my emotions, nor entangle me in miserable-ness or forgiveness. This post was edited by Benedict Arnold at February 27, 2017 11:59 PM MST
      February 27, 2017 11:57 PM MST
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  • Lago, forgiveness should be given sincerely, when the situatlon or the offending party truly warrants it. When real relief can be attained by forgiving Otherwise its a meaningless, token gesture. 
    We can't overlook that there is yet another option: lack of concern. No matter what the offense, the past can't be changed, if forgiving makes the aftermath more tolerable, great, but it is possible to move on productively without carrying the weight of a grudge. 


      February 27, 2017 2:42 PM MST
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  • Isn't not forgiving someone the same as carrying a grudge?
    Do you think im wrong, Z?
      February 27, 2017 3:11 PM MST
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  • No it isn't the same thing. Why should it be? Carrying a grudge is up to you, so is kicking that stress to the curb and moving on with your life. 
      February 27, 2017 3:24 PM MST
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  • 64
    I'm sure that is why we all have curbs -- they have dual purposes. 
      February 27, 2017 4:00 PM MST
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  • I know in my head that you are right. I do.
    I think is the feeling the other guy getting away with whater he did, that's we here my brain gets stuck.
    But I understand your point Z. 
    Tnanks
      February 27, 2017 4:05 PM MST
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  • Let me present an analogy for you, Lago:

    You are driving, some a-hole cuts across traffic in a wildly stupid maneuver, cutting you off and causing you to brake and swerve, but You and the car are undamaged.
    Of course now you are upset. Do you simmer with fury for days over this offense, or do you recollect yourself, put it behind you and finish the drive?
    You know which, and the reason is obvious: completing the journey is more important than the bumps along the way. This post was edited by Benedict Arnold at February 28, 2017 9:54 AM MST
      February 27, 2017 5:54 PM MST
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  • I understand what you.are saying Z, but that's a big extrapolation there.
    I wouldn't really consider some guy cutting me off as a betrayal. No?
      February 27, 2017 6:20 PM MST
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  • It is a loose analogy. The analogy is that both represent a flagrant disregard to you and your interests. You are essentially intact, and whats left is how you feel about it. This is where your choice lies. The further the offense beats you down, the more the Bad Guy wins. This post was edited by Benedict Arnold at February 28, 2017 4:11 AM MST
      February 28, 2017 4:08 AM MST
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  • I understand. Thanks Z. I do appreciate you indulging me.
      March 1, 2017 11:03 AM MST
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