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Benedict Arnold

Are you *popular* on here.. is that important to you? Do you comply and acquiesce in order to gain approval?

I have been researching self-esteem and self-concept and how many people over time have lost sight of their real self.. and this ultimately causes them unhappiness... they go along with others, they behave in ways that gain approval and acceptance. This can start in childhood with overly critical parents or peers... They avoid doing or saying things that might cause them to be rejected... and eventually they are no longer able to trust their own instincts or consider their own needs..

Interesting and fascinating to me as always human nature.. I never tire of learning about people and how they work... 

But let it be said, it's probably clear that I wont be one who behaves in ways to gain approval.. doesn't matter to me if I am not popular. I don't seek popularity.. indeed it's arguably as I mentioned above it can be considered an issue we should address, as always pleasing others can lead to us losing ourselves.. 

I am perhaps feeling cynical today... or slightly so.. after a suggestion or two lately that I should not show bias, that it might alienate the middle of the roaders - that I should not say how i feel, (that discussion was resolved in all fairness but it made me wonder...) so I am supposed to be NOT Me, not real, not congruent so I fit in? 

And oooh lookie a non-political question from me.. gosh that might improve my popularity on here :P  

Posted - March 4, 2017
Tags : None

Responses


  • 7792
    I have no idea if I'm the popular one, but then again that sort of thing was never important to me.
      March 4, 2017 4:16 PM MST
    7

  • Exactly as it should be.. if we are forever going around second guessing ourselves and wondering whether we are going to gain approval and be popular we lose spontaneity and in doing so we put on a mask.. we hide ourselves.. it's just not an authentic way to be.   
      March 4, 2017 4:25 PM MST
    3

  • 7792
    Why thank you handsome.
      March 4, 2017 6:25 PM MST
    2

  • My "popularity" on here is about the same as it is in real life: few people know me, but of the people who do, I am well-liked. My personality is such that it isn't easy for people to get to know me, but once they do, they tend to have a positive perception of me. And on here as in real life, I don't try to be anything other than who I am, quirks, awkwardness, opinions and all. This post was edited by Benedict Arnold at March 5, 2017 7:30 AM MST
      March 4, 2017 4:18 PM MST
    6

  • You seem pretty ok to me. And yes, absolutely right all we can be is ourselves.. to try to be anything other is false, it's dishonest..  A small story.. I used to date, lol and I do nothing by halves.. and the most consistent feedback I got was, "you are just like you are online" - they smiled when they said it so I assumed it was a compliment..  I would never want to pretend to be anything I am not.. there's a country song that goes, I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not.. or something like that..  
      March 4, 2017 4:23 PM MST
    2

  • 154
    Never been something I worried about.  I'm me, that's it.
      March 4, 2017 4:27 PM MST
    5

  • 5808
    always working on keeping real Self in view...
    not looking for anything else...

    This post was edited by Baba at March 4, 2017 11:25 PM MST
      March 4, 2017 4:35 PM MST
    6

  • 7280
    I like this comment by CS Lewis.

    "When we try to make what we say or do have edifying conclusions, we offer to the God of all truth the unclean sacrifice of a lie."

    Judge me as you will; my answer is the same either way.
      March 4, 2017 4:52 PM MST
    3

  • No, I like to keep a low profile. I suppose if I truly wanted to be I could put on the charm, lol.  But I don't care that much.
    Plus I'm rarely here.
     
      March 4, 2017 5:38 PM MST
    4

  • It really matters not to me either way. I like to get along with everyone but that doesn't mean I agree with everything to just be liked. I answer things how I see them and try to mix up some decent questions here and there. It doesn't matter, it's just a website, not real life. I'm just me.
      March 4, 2017 5:41 PM MST
    7

  • 7792
      March 4, 2017 6:23 PM MST
    2

  • hurrah for tacky shenanigans!
      March 4, 2017 10:43 PM MST
    0

  • 19937
    I have no idea, but I don't come here for accolades.  If people like me, great.  If not, my life is not affected appreciably.  I come here to enjoy some fun, add my two cents, debate or discuss something with others and that's all.   
      March 4, 2017 6:23 PM MST
    5

  • Billy Joel had a good take on popularity. In The Entertainer he confessed that if he didn't say on the charts they'd sell his records on the discount rack like a can of beans.

    Popularity is important to the very young. It's important to people who lack confidence. It's important to people who live by approval -- whether they work in entertainment, sales, or politics. 

    For the rest of us it doesn't really matter. Some people will like us and some will not. It's far better to do your own thing and to hell with the consequences.

    And, Daydream, I knew you could do it.
      March 4, 2017 8:54 PM MST
    4

  • 10052
    In the order you asked; no, no, and no.


      March 4, 2017 10:24 PM MST
    2

  • 7683
    Popular? Oh no and I don't want it...;)) I'm happy as it is...login....try to spread some cheer and leave;))
      March 4, 2017 11:28 PM MST
    0

  • Hi DDBTD,

    I'm experimenting with the possibility that compliance/acquiescence might actually be compatible with being true to myself at the same time...?

    ...especially if I can tweak the compliance/acquiescence over to include cherishing/nurturing others...if I see I am upsetting someone, I prolly back off...maybe I am pushing 'em too hard, in which case they won't be able to hear me anyway. Communication important to me, as well as not to hurt someone's feelings. 

    * * *
    And for me all this compliance-acquiescence has actually meant I am ever MORE true to myself...the example I don't think he will mind, The Zee...

    We are diametrically different philosophy of life, me passionately religious and he unequivocal atheist...and yet below the surface is a remarkable congruence of thought process...truly a delight, priceless, the diverse Internet connections enhance who I am.
      March 4, 2017 11:46 PM MST
    2

  • 2465
    Sometimes I think people get a hard on boasting about being popular and I have to laugh. I mean, really, are they THAT insecure?  

    To be honest, I couldn't be arsed about being "popular". I say it as I see it regardless of whether it'll be taken in a positive or a negative manner.  





      March 5, 2017 12:15 AM MST
    0

  • No, I'm not and it is of little importance to me. I'm happy with who I am and sites like this won't change that.
      March 5, 2017 11:26 AM MST
    1

  • 739
    Damned if I know, and I never think too much about it. But I don't slag off people on this site. I slag off Trump, and other public figures, but that is different to slagging AM users. Besides, Trump built himself around being offensive to everyone. If he can't take it, he shouldn't dish it out.
      March 8, 2017 8:00 AM MST
    0

  • 22891
    not sure if im popular or not
      March 9, 2017 3:39 PM MST
    0