Yes, I do know people like this. My mom is their Queen, and has held that title for decades. My sister called me last night and told me that she had just got in an argument with mom over the phone. What was it about? My sister was telling her that she needed to go to the store and then mom started yelling at her about how she couldn't loan her any money. My sister never asked, she is not hurting for money. A few years ago I was telling mom about one of my good friends was getting divorced and mom started yelling that she needn't ask her to babysit her kids. That came out of left field because Vicky had never, nor would ever ask my mom to babysit. So, yeah, I do know someone who is just like this.
Ahh I see.. that's a shame I guess that while your mom's behaviour is irritating and sometimes harmful to yours and your sister's relationship with her, there are almost always reasons behind people's behaviour.. So your mum perhaps has reasons from her past for behaving this way, I know it's hard but I am sure you have learned that this behaviour isn't about you, it's nothing personal. Just very hard to deal with.
She's been that way her whole life, it's just getting worse as she gets older. I have three sisters and one brother, none of us talk to her much anymore. My grandma once told me that she was that way as a kid too. I learned as a young kid that I couldn't go to my mom with any problems I may be having. You really can't talk to someone who takes everything as a personal attack or assault.
Indeed, that must have been hard to live with. Generally it's true that unless one addresses problems like that they do get worse as we get older, values, beliefs etc. generally become more entrenched.. Generally too the person who suffers most from such behaviour is the person themselves.
Not in my moms case. She's only happy when she can play the victim, it's like Godzilla biting into the power lines to gain strength. Some people think everything that's said is about them, I don't understand where they get the energy to be that negative. I refer to these people as psychic vampires, they drone on and on about negative things so much that it just drains all your energy to be around them or to talk to them for any length of time. You try to interject something positive into the conversation and they turn it around to where it's something negative about themselves. I just can't wrap my brain around being like that.
It's been suggested, and it starts a big argument. Some people just aren't aware of how they act and will never take responsibility for what they do or how they treat others.
My mom? If she does, she keeps them well hidden. If she ever does a favor for you, she throws in back in your face until you are ready to scream. She doesn't mind saying things that will cut you to the bone, but if she even thinks you've said something about her, she goes ballistic. I honestly think she has an un-diagnosed mental disorder, but she would never admit that she may need a bit of help. We, my siblings and I, think she may have a touch of dementia or Alzheimer as she is starting to get more and more confused as she gets older. The problem is she is getting meaner and meaner as she gets older. Any time one of us has suggested she go to a doctor, it starts WWIII.
I'm sorry you have to deal with a mother who does this. That must be a difficult situation to find yourself in, especially as she ages. It's hard enough dealing with that kind of personality when they aren't related to you. I've cut out people from my life who do that and who refuse to accept any responsibility for their actions. I've noticed a couple of people on this site who do that too. Thankfully, it's the internet and easy enough for me to avoid. I either don't respond to their posts or I limit my interaction. It's one of the few personality quirks that just gets on my last nerve and I don't have the patience for. Chronic lying and passive-aggressive behavior are others. I have a brother like that and I have chosen to not have contact. It's been a huge relief not having to deal with that crap. I hope for your sake, you don't find yourself eventually having to take daily care of your mother. Sending positive thoughts your way. :-)
Thank Harry. It is frustrating and draining. I do see a lot of it on here, and on other social sites I'm on. I try to avoid it, but sometimes I run head long into it. There was a member on Answerbag who was like that. She got mad at some people if they answered her questions, me included. She would take shots at people and when they shot back, she would get one of the mods to delete her comments to where it looked like she was attacked out of the blue. Then she would whine about how mean people were to her.
Sheesh. That must have been frustrating. Outside of having a true developmental disability, I'll never understand people who are so manipulative and blind to their own shortcomings. I don't understand the need to ask questions when you aren't interested in hearing other's opinions or having a rational conversation. My brother does that. Part of maturity is recognizing that you need to take responsibility for the things you say and do. It seems like there are some people who just don't get it and will never grow up.
That is so true. I really hate having to defend everything I say to some people. I ran across this saying a few years back, and it cracks me up every time I think about it: Some day when scientists discover the center of the universe, many people are going to be disappointed to find out it isn't them. :)
Benedict Arnold 