Why don't you admit you are a complete failure?

We've all failed at something. I have many more successes and I bet you do too. 

Because then I'd succeed at telling the truth which would counteract the 'complete' failure bit.

OK, done!

Now what?

I guess try to get a job a Wal Mart or some other awful place.

But you failed to answer the question correctly, so you have failed.

I have no difficulty with that.