Discussion » Questions » Human Behavior » How do you remain friends with someone with views diametrically opposed to yours? Is it worth the effort?
Benedict Arnold

How do you remain friends with someone with views diametrically opposed to yours? Is it worth the effort?

My neighbor Mr Mike is a very very very nice and very old guy who will do anything for anybody at any time.
Until certain topics are touched. . . then he turns into the Hulk,
.
Is friendship and camaraderie more important than our views, or are certain differences too much to over look?
I don't know the answer to this.
On one hand I think that it's stupid to argue about things that don't really matter, but on  the other, I would find it difficult to be friends with certain people because of their believes.
.
We don't talk about those things any more. He comes to the house using some excuse and we sit on the porch. He tells me stories about the time when he was an oil rig engineer in Alaska a long time ago, and I mostly listen and smoke a bunch of cigarettes.

Posted - March 28, 2017
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Responses


  • 169
    I just let them know my views differ from theirs significantly... that I'm open to listening to them explain it out, but I won't be yelled at or belittled for my own views. If they can't accept that - their loss, I won't stick around. Friendship is important to me until a person gets to be harassing or rude.
      March 28, 2017 8:41 PM MDT
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  • Yeah,
    Rude is the line not to cross, as it is like a stain you know? An ink stain. No matter how much you wash it, there's always the faint remnant of it. 
    That right there is the main thing, I think. When people (including myself) say things that can't be taken back.
    They stay on the other person's face, like old acne, reminding us every time we look at them.  
    Thank you for reminding me of that.

      March 28, 2017 8:58 PM MDT
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  • 7683
    Of course it is worth the effort...avoid talking about things about which you both hold opposing views...steer clear of it...as long as both of you ignore it and continue with things that are common between you carry on the friendship
      March 28, 2017 8:53 PM MDT
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  • ". . . Of course it is worth the effort . . .  "
    I think we need more like you, Ms Veena, I don't know how it could go wrong if we all felt that way. . .
    It is difficult to ignore some things tho, but even then I think you're right.
    Thanks V. This post was edited by Benedict Arnold at March 28, 2017 9:10 PM MDT
      March 28, 2017 9:09 PM MDT
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  • Why do you say arguing over stupid things that don't really matter, D? that's a point I was going to mention, the mattering part. Doesn't regard for what matters to one person define a frienship in a significant extent? If I don't give heed to someone's disposition regarding certain things, how much do I really care.

    There is a lady of certain years who I'm acquainted with because we walk the dogs at the same time. I've had my disagreements with her many times over the years and over various things. I know her views and she knows mine, and yes, they are diametrically opposed - she's a Little Englander who blames foreigners for eveything and comes out with the kind of casual rascism even though she's not rascist ... (you know where I'm going with that)

    I sort of um and ah and not sure if I agree with that sort of thing but she carries on regardless. And I think to myself why for once don't you just keep quiet because you're going to hack me off. Until one day I refused to listen to one particilary offensive observation and said so, succinctly and bluntly. Now we're really quite good acquaintances but deep down a connection is missing that I don't think will ever be connected.

    So i suppose yes, I can be friends with people I disagree with about things, and I am. There's quite a lot of them (I bet that doesn't surprise you) but I wonder this. How deep can that frienship get if they aren't sensitive to my sensibilities, or I'm not to theres. If a person is really very nice but we disagree essentially about how life should be led, how we express compassion or regard for others I will always have that in the forefront of my mind and acts as an invisible barrier. Why is that. 

    I wish I was better but I'm not, or not yet. I guess I can smile knowingly and not get irrate about things as once I may have. Age kinda sucks the passion out of you, doesn't it. )  but I'm not there yet.

    The saying 'opposites attract'... it's never happened to me.

    I want to be better!



    This post was edited by Benedict Arnold at March 29, 2017 9:34 AM MDT
      March 29, 2017 3:23 AM MDT
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  • I think we decide what's important to us. And what's important to me may not be important to you at that particular moment.
    If I get into a discussion and somebody acts childishly or offended and says something stupid. I have to decide what's more important. . .the friendship or being right. . . If im right and I know im right, then it doesn't really matter if they get it or not. 
    If the person means nothing to me, then why am I wasting time explaining anything to that person anyway?
    So there's only two reasons to get involved in a heated discussion: to share and maybe even change our own mind, or to redeem our hurt ego and beat the other over the head with their own silly arguments.
    If the friendship is worth saving then somebody has to let go and let the other express his hurt. If the friendship is not worth it, then why bother with the whole thing to begin with.
    Im not saying I act according to what im saying, I know I react impulsively and sarcastically and cruelly and intolerant and childish and hypocritical sometimes. . . 
    Like when I contend to be a champion for political correctness, but go around mocking people's answers and calling them idiots. 
    But just because I do it doesn't make it right. In the big picture where there is real suffering everywhere, me getting my man ego hurt really is not that important. 
    I could be wrong, My dear Lucia,  but I don't feel like I am.
    But I could be. . .but I don't think so. . ..but I could be.. .
      March 29, 2017 9:28 AM MDT
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  • About the being better thing, at least you're better than I am.  )
      March 29, 2017 9:32 AM MDT
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  • we can argue the toss about that one (I think you're better than I, btw).
      March 29, 2017 9:44 AM MDT
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  • Nah, just louder . . . . )
      March 29, 2017 9:47 AM MDT
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  • Obviously that ))
      March 29, 2017 9:47 AM MDT
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