You have written of mutual passion which perhaps should have its own category. Feels great but we soon learn (or should) is nothing we can, as they used to say, "make book" on. Love does not have to be that but I do think we are capable of being and acting passionately without that kind of passion.
Your second paragraph is one of the best I have read anywhere. You express it exactly.
First of all, I should point out what being in love means to me, as this differs from person to person and many will never know what it means and some will not even care.
To me one cannot wait to get home, or to call if that isn't possible and share any good news or exciting things that have happened during the day with this hypothetical partner. One makes self-sacrifices sometimes for his love because seeing her happy makes him happier than anything else. He knows she isn't perfect but he knows she is perfect for him. She is on a pedestal above all mankind in his eyes. He is willing to accept things about her he doesn't understand and to be there for her and her family if she so desires. He never seems to have enough time, as time goes by so rapidly when he is with this hypothetical girl. He trusts her completely and feels he can tell her everything and he does. All he sees in her is beauty, even when she is angry, he still sees love. He seeks how he can please her, as that is his priority. Just to see her smile, the one he puts on her face is something he'll do anything remotely reasonable, moral and legal for. He looks at her like she is an angel. He is always eager to see her face and always eager to hear her voice. He thinks she is the most beautiful woman to ever live and makes sure she knows how much he appreciates her beauty and elegance by being faithful to her. Although times aren't always great, he is there in the good times and the bad times because he knows life without her would never be the same and her. He is always by her side, good times or bad. When she is down, whether illness or sadness, he gives her rest and comforts her. She has been the same way to the hypothetical man, that is why they are 'in love'... This is a glimpse of what being in love means to me.
Of course we could discuss all sorts of hypothetical situations but we all know the above is a fairy tale. Where could anyone find a man to love like that? Maybe in Hypotheticalville?
Now I can actually answer your question based on my definition of what being in love is. If there were a love like that, it would prevail under normal circumstances, the feelings for one another would be able to overcome anything with the exception of a really strong fear, which is perhaps not an issue in most any case in this country as with consenting adults are free to do as we choose but in other cultures, there are things that can bring love to a screeching halt. A woman does not have the ability to love who she wants sometimes for fear of harm or other scare tactics, and it is unfortunate.
With that said, I do think people can fall in love, and maybe always be in love and not be together, because love does not equate sex, a lot of people do not realize in today's world the fact that sex can come after love. I know it is a bit old-fashioned but I am not here to win a popularity contest. If people would wait until after they know they have a strong and mutual love to have sex, there would be a lot fewer children growing up in broken homes, there would be a lower divorce rate, there would be fewer STDs and I think overall people would be happier. There are reasons that cultures had rules about such things, for thousands of years places had strong cultural and religious beliefs that helped protect couples. When marriages were arranged in ancient times, they were quite often what we would consider children getting married. Nowadays as men and women are waiting way past the natural beginning of the ability to reproduce to get married, the sex hormones are raging and this causes improper judgement in a lot of cases. I think there are various reasons why many women in this country still live in fear of loving who they choose.
I don't know if anyone who is 'in love' and I doubt that is a large percentage of couples, actually set out to fall in love with the person they were with. I and probably every other man and woman have had opportunities to be with women who were very beautiful on the surface but lacked the intellect, the passion or something to where they just weren't the type one would want to even try to fall in love with. I think falling in love is a feeling that is just indescribable. Why it might happen between two certain people and not to another very similar other two, I cannot say.
When people are free to love, or at least think they are, they may enjoy talking to someone of the opposite sex and so long as they are single, there is no issue. Perhaps they have no intention of falling in love but the more they learn about one another, the more compassion and love they have and next thing they know, they are deeply in love.
So, the only way to completely rule out the possibility of falling in love, and not "allow yourself to fall in love" is probably for a person to become a Monk, a Nun or something similar where abstinence is required and you live among other like minded people, devoting your time to God instead of a spouse. This is honorable, but not a sacrifice many will make.
You have asked a very complicated question. I hope my hypothetical answer helps with your hypothetical question.
I wish I could have kept it more succinct but the question called for me. It actually said my name out loud believe it or not.
I think the #1 problem in the world is how poorly humans manage their relationships. Even if you disagree, follow my logic, please. The biggest influence on whether our lives suffer or are awesome is the quality of our closest relationships. For most of our lives, that’s the relationship with our spouses or long-term romantic partners. Human conflict is problematic everywhere. But when it’s two people who decided to pool resources and promised to love one another forever, and make and share children? It’s a crisis. The ripple-effect consequences know no bounds. Divorce breaks people, and then broken people break other things. Wey, my friend, I asked this question in all seriousness, I for one would never venture into a relationship if I see no future, I will never ever break anyone's heart, I might pine for that person forever but I won't lead him if I know there's no future. Like you said,Wey, love isn't all sex, if I loved but if I knew that relationship has no strong foundation, I will put a stop to it, that's me! Safety is probably more important to anyone than they consciously realize in any given moment.After basic metabolic functions, like your heart beating and properly working lungs, and the most basic things needed for survival (food, water, shelter and clothing), Safety is the next thing people need to function in life.If I go into a relationship, I should feel safe, I should trust, and that's not one way, mutual, trust, mutual love, mutual care, mutual understanding, cornerstones for a strong and steady relationship.
This post was edited by Veena.K at April 27, 2017 5:50 AM MDT
But Veena when we become too idealistic in our expectations we actually cut ourselves off from love. As human being we are very imperfect so not good to expect too much of each other. There at no guarantees in life. Nor can we with any great degree of certainty predict the future. We don't want to hurt people but we hurt them. We don't want to separate from them yet we choose to separate. We want to trust yet we learn that we cannot trust anyone completely. Simply because they are not us. We love and get together because we want the good we get from it - but there will be things involved usually that we don't want. That is the way things are. And nothing lasts "forever". But if we don't go for the good when it presents itself we will never know it or experience it. If we can be with someone who likes and respects and enjoys us and whose company we are able to enjoy and look forward to on a daily basis then I think we are doing well and should consider ourselves fortunate.
Because we want the good things that come with it. Of course perhaps we need to talk about what we mean by "love" and "winning". Things working out is not "winning", and love mostly will not "win". But as with anything if we want the good things we have to accept the not-so-good or even outright "bad" that can come with them. And my meaning is not that we just need to let ourselves be buffeted about by whatever comes our way - I think its always good to be as practical as possible. But if we don't let ourselves go and let ourselves feel then we too severely restrict ourselves. Is just that when we use only wishes and hopes to justify our feelings then we usually end up on shaky ground.
Just Asking 