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Baybreeze

How to ask for something when shy?

I am helping out a family friend with her baby, with child care , but sometimes lines have been crossed. (even though i do like her and she's very kind)... She is not 'my ' friend, but is my aunt's friends' daughter. She pays me less than I'd typically get for when i have all her children together (5 kids) but I haven't said anything b/c I wanted to give a 'deal' of sorts, but I am shy in general, and people have said to put your 'business' hat on when it comes to that. She wants me to work only 2 hours soon, but I typically need 3 or 4 for minimum for a shift, as I live a half  hour away. How do I ask her for more hours w/out seeming pushy?  (for a minimum 3 or 4 hour)

Posted - May 4, 2017
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Responses


  • You have to put any "friend" thoughts away and treat it as the business you do. Just tell her your needs and that's what you need and want. After many years of owning my own business? You have to learn to draw the line between friends and employers. You won't sound pushy at all if you just treat it as a business matter and tell her. I think you'll find that she'll respect that and you can work from there. Good luck.
      May 4, 2017 10:53 AM MDT
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  • 1138
    Ugh I just replied to you, it is under my question in the Responses.. ty R!
      May 4, 2017 10:57 AM MDT
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  • 10026
    I do that all the time Baybreeze!  No worries on that!! WE ALL DO that, some more than others... Giggles! 
    Also, doing it backwards as you did, I would like to chime in here and share a little bit of thought, too.  Being who I am, I walk myself into situations that are detrimental to me.  I always work late and never ask to get paid.  I bust my butt to make sure others succeed and it turns out, I don't.  
    It's hard for me to think of what will benefit me.  I'm more worried about making sure others are more than happy.  In turn, it begins to wear me down.  It effects my marriage, my house, my family and my health.  I have to then wonder if her happiness is worth all the sacrifices I and all my surrounding people have made.  
    Maybe you could approach her with a different option.  If you are willing to make the drive but she only needs you for a couple hours, can she up your pay for those hours so you would make the equivalent?  Can she split the gas and pay 1/2 way?  I wouldn't use that one because it is your time and talent she is paying for.  Just splitting the cost of the gas would only account for your pocket book and you would still be out 1/2 the cash you deserve.
     For 5 children, she should be grateful you would offer your services anyway.  
    Do ask for a raise in pay.  She doesn't need to know why.  If she asks, tell her your time, wear and tear on your car, your gas, your groceries, your phone bill, the same reasons she has to live.  She MUST know it does cost to have such a wonderful person as you to help with her children.  She should be grateful.
    Take Care and Good Luck.  You desereve it
      May 4, 2017 11:18 AM MDT
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  • 1138
    Thanks so much Merlin... I really appreciate your kind and candid reply! Here is to us and all, asking for what WE need or want sometimes too.... who will be on our side if not US??? *huggs.
      May 8, 2017 5:37 PM MDT
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  • 22891
    maybe you should ask her to pay your transportation costs
      May 4, 2017 10:55 AM MDT
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  • 1138
    Thanks Rooster.. that's a great idea, and great advice. I've wanted to more see it as this is a service , and that I'm not a 'buddy' lol, but it's hard to. However I just can't let people dictate my thoughts , schedule and needs anymore either.. I will tell her later that that is my usual minimum for sitting, and hopefully she will respect that... I don't know whether to say why it is, like giving a reason (for gas/travel ? ) .... Ty so much Rooster
      May 4, 2017 10:56 AM MDT
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  • I really don't think you need to give her a meaning, just tell her this is your business and this is how and what I need to keep doing it. You'll be fine. 
      May 4, 2017 11:00 AM MDT
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  • 1138
    Thanks Rooster, sometimes I need that extra'  'It's OK to do this /that' , b/c I doubt myself a lot :/  I was brought up in so much criticism and belittling that I began to doubt a lot of my feelings or wants or needs. I appreciate your thoughts that this is ok to say and hope you have a nice one :)
      May 4, 2017 11:02 AM MDT
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  • We all need that sometimes! It's part of life, young lady!
      May 4, 2017 11:18 AM MDT
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  • 10026
    P.S. I wrote this down here and your answer under Rooster just to make you smile... 
    I absolutely LOVE baybreezes as a drink and in real life.  I wish I could go to the beach right now.  My husband is working there but I had to stay home today.  Great Choice in names.  I think I may have told you that before, but just in case you forgot!  Have a great day :) :)
      May 4, 2017 11:20 AM MDT
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  • 1128
    Friends of the family and sometimes family are the worst people to try to do business with.  Years ago I babysat for my great great niece.  I ended up spending my own money to feed my neice, ended up watching her baby LONGER hours on payday, and once my great niece asked if I could wait another two weeks to get paid, since she spend more money on going out than she thought.  I told her I could wait another two weeks for pay, BUT she would need to find someone ELSE to babysit her child until I was paid.
    Roosters answer was great. 
      May 4, 2017 11:31 AM MDT
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  • 10026
    Excellent Point SA!!
      May 4, 2017 11:53 AM MDT
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  • 3463
    I baby sat for friends before.
    There were two at the same time with 4 kids between them.
    They brought their kids sick all the time and so my son caught whatever they were sick with.
    They broke his toys and never replaced them.
    I never said anything because they were friends. But after 6 months, I had enough and got another job and told them they will have to get someone else to watch their kids.
    Working for friends almost never works out IMO.
      May 4, 2017 3:49 PM MDT
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  • 9872
    It seems like you already know what to ask for, it's just hard for you to get up the nerve to speak up. Think about how you would act if you weren't shy and then act like that. 'Acting as if' is a great tool for getting through difficult situations.
      May 5, 2017 4:30 AM MDT
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  • 1138
    Thanks Jane :) I need to use that tactic (Acting as if) in many aspects of my life; ESPECIALLY to get the nerve up to just date even... I've never dated and am in my 30's (due to PTSD/anxiety /trauma)... I want to act as IF I am actually confident, and as IF I am actually of VALUE to someone (even when I feel I"m not b/c I get anxieties in cars/travel).  I really think acting as if I can stand my ground and AM a person to love, that it might help ... ty Jane
      May 8, 2017 5:35 PM MDT
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  • 1268
    Really it is quite simple, train yourself to accept and move past ridicule and rejection. Once you have mastered this, you can ask anything because you are trained to handle the worst but ready to accept the best.
      May 10, 2017 1:30 AM MDT
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  • 10026
    Great advice!!
      May 10, 2017 5:01 PM MDT
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