Why if a Republican loses an election its a referendum on how F'd up Trump is but when he/she wins there is no discussion on how F'd up Dems

Actually it was discussed all over the news tonight in addition to articles about groups wanting Pelosi to step down. And for the past couple of months, I've been reading about Democrats misplaying their hand and how they need to get their act together. 

There is, but it depends on which media outlet you read or watch.

You caught that too. The following morning none of the cable news was talking much about it...just Fox. CNN and MSNBC were talking about Trump/Russia. 

Now they are using it to attack Pelosi...I don't think she is leaving though.