Discussion » Questions » Relationships » Would you ever give advice or some words of wisdom to someone who is about to get married and what would you tell them?
Benedict Arnold

Would you ever give advice or some words of wisdom to someone who is about to get married and what would you tell them?

I have a child and I want to give great advice if asked regarding relationships and marriage, but even after going through it I still don't know if  I have it all figured out.
The guys at work tried to tell me not to do it, but I did and even though it ended terribly I still enjoyed being married and having a child.
What would you tell someone who's getting married?

Posted - August 10, 2017
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Responses


  • 46117
    Make sure that the values that successfully married people keep are adhered to no matter what.

    This is the most important career choice of your existence.  It can be dismissed out of hand, but if you do that, you will miss out on the most valued lesson life holds.  To be successful at this union, you need to WORK at it continuously.   You need to have the same values.  You need to both want the marriage to work more than anything else.  Marriage is to be considered sacred and when you lose track of that, know that you have lost track of your inner core, your integrity, your vows and you'd better have a damn good reason for breaking this contract.  Once you break this vow casually?  You are never the person of your word that you promised yourself you were.  So, do not get married lightly. 

    That's what I would say.
      August 10, 2017 3:54 PM MDT
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  • Thanks, those are very wise words.

      August 10, 2017 4:00 PM MDT
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  • 46117
    Oh I am awesome as long as I am giving someone else advice about THEIR lives. Never listen to me.

      August 10, 2017 4:25 PM MDT
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  • 6477
    I'd give advice when it was asked for, or if I Knew of some reason that really needed to be discussed and told.. I prefer not to give advice on relationships unless asked for.. it's a very sensitive subject. I advise my daughter all the time.. but then again she asks.. Perhaps that's the best thing you can do... make sure your kids can talk to you, that they know you won't judge.. then they will ask for advice and you can give it.. 

    I think it's lovely that you still look back on marriage as a nice thing even despite your bad experience. We all suffer, we all get hurt... but we have to work hard not to let it turn us completely against love, marriage etc..

    I agree with others on the matter don't get married lightly. Compatibility is essential and making sure that you both share the same aspirations and viewpoints.  So many people seem to marry people they just shouldn't have :(
      August 10, 2017 4:06 PM MDT
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  • Thanks.
    Actually being on Answermug has allowed me to vent about my pain as well as share a lot of good memories I have of my marriage.
    The more I post things the more I realize that the painful part of my marriage though extreme and unforgettable was really only near the end and I had so many years with her that I'm glad I got to experience.
    I guess for me I'm learning that you just can't always predict or control how it's going to turn out so I feel like just enjoying every minute of it Is about as good as I can do because if I start counting on a partner to be there forever I feel like I'm just setting my heart up for absolute devastation because people are just not perfect and I wonder sometimes if it's a mistake to have high expectations for marriage?

      August 10, 2017 4:33 PM MDT
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  • 44654
    I would say "Don't" Especially men. Women are users.
      August 10, 2017 5:52 PM MDT
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  • I guess it does go both wsys and guys definitely cheat and lie and take advantage of women as well.
    I hear what you mean about using though.
    Gold digging is a way of life for some women and a few crafty men looking to marry a rich woman.
    Luckily for me I live from check to check so I could theoretically get married as much as I want.
    I got no money to lose so if a woman's with me I know that it's me she wants.

      August 10, 2017 7:37 PM MDT
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  • 13071
    Give your spouse space. Let them look at other peoples beauty. Remember, your married, not dead.
      August 10, 2017 6:19 PM MDT
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  • Yup, sounds like good way to do it.
    Give them space, because if you have to control someone then it's not much of a relationship.
    I would only want a woman who genuinely wants to be with me,
    thanks. This post was edited by Benedict Arnold at August 10, 2017 7:47 PM MDT
      August 10, 2017 7:42 PM MDT
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  • 17620
    You will not be as in love as you are now always.  In Love travels continually around a big wheel and sometimes you will be ever so in love; other times it will seem, rightly, to be less intense.  

    But the love, the true love, this is what you nurture and grow and it will sustain your marriage through thick and thin.  This is the love that survives babies and kids, diarrhea and vomit, surgeries, sicknesses, arguments,  unemployment, addiction, loss of beauty, and on and on and on.    

    These are the things I would tell them.  I heard a minister once say these very things  during a wedding ceremony.  I thought, Where would we be if all prospective spouses heard these things at the beginning of their lives with their spouses?
      August 10, 2017 6:57 PM MDT
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  • It's certainly true that love goes through highs and lows in a marriage and if you want a marriage to last you have to stick it out through the hard times.
    Thanks. : )
      August 10, 2017 7:30 PM MDT
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  • Love is fragile, so keep the romance in the relationship. Remember that there are times to speak and a time to listen. Like many good things in life, it requires teamwork, commitment and dedication, as well as old fashioned hard work. Shoulder to shoulder, side by side, through the love, joy, happiness, disappointment, heartache and reversals of every type. Success isn't guaranteed, it's a goal worked for where a lack of attention almost always causes the marriage to crash and burn. There must be trust. Without honesty and trust, you'll never be able to have the friend and confidante you need. Despite our efforts to rework, rewrite and redefine marriage and its essence, the original formula is still the greatest recipe for happiness. 

      August 10, 2017 7:00 PM MDT
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  • Lack of attention and lack of trust and honesty certainly do seem to cause s marriage to crash and burn.
    Very true words, thanks.
      August 10, 2017 7:25 PM MDT
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  • 7280
    The only thing I would suggest is that you memorize your marriage vows.  Marriages frequently fail not because the volws don't work, but because jost people who marry really don't expect to ever have to follow them.  But with the possible exception for spousal absuse issues and addiction issues, they are the key to saving a marriage when necessary.

    I fancy one of the reasons that "till death till us part" is in there is because sometimes it can take that long to get where you want to be, but as I dold my son and (about to be) daughter-in-law at the rehersal dinner---it can be hard sometimes, but it is well worth the effort.
      August 10, 2017 8:48 PM MDT
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  • Any advice unasked for is rarely appreciated. It may be best to with hold giving any until asked for such input. 
      August 10, 2017 9:24 PM MDT
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