Discussion » Questions » Communication » Have you ever felt awkward about flirting with people again after getting separated or divorced?

Have you ever felt awkward about flirting with people again after getting separated or divorced?

I've been separated for over a year now, but I was married for a long time.
When a woman stands right beside me or smiles at me or approaches me I just kinda smile back and then I go into "Married Man Mode."
I say hi and I just kinda stare off in another direction.
I still feel nervous about flirting with another woman or maybe I'm just scared of them, LoL!
Has this ever happened to you?
How long did it take before you felt confident again?

Posted - August 24, 2017

Responses


  • 7939
    Haha. I'm still not. I was so petrified prior to my first date that I took like half a bottle of Imodium because my stomach was tied in knots. I don't know if the nerves ever go away with new people. Maybe it's just a matter of finding the one person who calms your nerves or whom you feel comfortable enough around that you're ok. 
      August 24, 2017 11:02 AM MDT
    3

  • It's happened a lot just this summer and I always kick myself afterwards because I could tell that the woman wanted me to say something and was making it very easy for me and even initiated the conversation but I am so used to being unavailable that I just felt like I'm in Jr. High again and shy around girls, LoL!
    I guess when I met my ex it was at a party and I was the center of attention and usually drunk in those days so I had no problem starting conversations with absolutely anyone.
    I just gotta work on it I guess because I'm screwing up opportunities.
    I really have not asked a woman on a date for as long as I can remember,.
    After we were married I did used to pretend with my wife that we didn't know each other and I'd try to pick her up when I'd see her in a store.
    She always shot me down though, LoL!
    That was no help and I'm not a pickup line kinda guy.
    I find if I'm just nice to everyone then the women that are interested just come to me, but then I'm not sure what happens after that because I was always married, LoL.
    I'll keep trying, thanks. : )


      August 24, 2017 11:24 AM MDT
    2

  • 44619
    I was separated from my first wife for five years before we divorced. I had four girlfriends in between. I am not shy.
      August 24, 2017 11:35 AM MDT
    2

  • I guess my issue is that I work nights alone and I have a child that I care for so I don't get to interact much with women at work or within a circle of friends.
    The women I meet are total strangers.
    Waitresses, moms at the park when I'm there with my son etc.
    So we just don't have much to talk about.
    I wanted to tell this waitress who kept talking to me that " I think I'm in love with her" but I thought it was maybe a little too soon for that, LoL!
    Maybe I should be messaging women on dating sites? This post was edited by Benedict Arnold at August 24, 2017 12:45 PM MDT
      August 24, 2017 11:44 AM MDT
    1

  • 6023
    Nope. 

    Best "pick up lines" are the funny ones.
    > "If I say you have a beautiful body, will you hold it against me?"
      August 24, 2017 11:48 AM MDT
    1

  • Thanks. : )
    I think I'm just not ready yet.
    I can talk to anyone I think I'm just coming out of a depression and I'm not sure of what I want.
    I see a woman and I want her, but then I remember the crap I just went through with my ex and I stop myself.
    I'm guarded I think?
    I have a broken heart.
      August 24, 2017 11:57 AM MDT
    0

  • 46117
    Just be nice and smile back.  Nothing happens in grocery stores except in the movies.

    Join things and become a part of a lot of groups that have your same interests.  That is the best way to meet people and be yourself and show what you are like.

      August 24, 2017 11:55 AM MDT
    2

  • Thanks. : )
    I think that is the best way.
    I do watch a lot of stupid movies, LoL!
    I still think that it can happen because I've been hit on in some random places, but I was married so I never got to say yes ever.
    So I guess my only strategy is to try to be as attractive as I can and hope that women approach me so all I have to do is say yes, LoL!
    I'm gonna try to do that and join some groups to increase my odds?
    Thanks.

      August 24, 2017 12:05 PM MDT
    0

  • 46117
    The thing is, if you are just in a store and meet someone, it is odd to keep talking.  It is not the normal thing to do and people tend to get uncomfortable with it.

    Not always, but too often to really count on something developing. Just because you remember some girl flirting with you is no indication that something would have transpired from it.  You don't know.

    So, hang onto something you can develop a little bit.  If you are in some group like Habitat for Humanity or some charity, you will meet like-minded people.

    If you join a sports team you are going to meet men

    If you join a group discussion, that is good too.

    So, pick what you like and the women will be around you to get to know better. 
      August 24, 2017 12:09 PM MDT
    1

  • They should make a question and answer dating site.
    Does that already exist?

    I learn a lot about random women through these type of sites, but these aren't ideal for dating and dating sites again are just trying to interact with total strangers without really knowing anything about them.
    If Answermug was a dating site and everyone had a real profile and continued interacting through thought provoking, revealing q&a then I would know who I'm probably compatible with and then BOOM! Love, LoL!

    Thanks, I always thought about joining something with like minded ladies.
    I should pursue that.
      August 24, 2017 12:28 PM MDT
    0

  • 7792
    Unfortunately, all of that is so very true for me. It's not really worth it for me anymore. This post was edited by Zack at August 24, 2017 6:43 PM MDT
      August 24, 2017 11:58 AM MDT
    2

  • 46117
    Nothing is worth it if I am suffering from depression.  That is your first battle here.
      August 24, 2017 12:00 PM MDT
    2

  • I hear ya, Zack.
    It's tough to feel confident after a relationship doesn't work out.
    I too am trying to psych myself up to get back out there when it's easier to just go lay in bed and forget about love.
    Good luck man. : )
      August 24, 2017 12:15 PM MDT
    2

  • 53509


    I never feel awkward about flirting!


    ~
      August 24, 2017 6:46 PM MDT
    1