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Benedict Arnold

Is it pointless to be angry at someone for being exactly who they are?


I'm starting to think that I'm naive for having such resentment towards my ex for lying and cheating.
She does exactly what she wants to do.
She is who she is and a lot of other people are the same way.
I am the one who thought she could be something else.
I am the one who fell for every lie she told me.
I am the one who thinks that I am above what she's done.
Am I?
Are my morals and values just a fantasy that I live?
If I had been working with a woman who wanted me during the low times in my marriage would I have given into temptation like she did?
Was it just easier for me to not cheat because of our circumstances?
Should I be mad at my ex who tells me to my face that she is s horrible person or should I be mad at myself for expecting her to be something that she's not?
Is love and monogamy just a temporary stage of a marriage and are we all delusional for thinking that we're above cheaters?
What is the truth?



Posted - August 27, 2017
Tags : None

Responses


  • 13071
    Yes it is.
      August 27, 2017 9:38 AM MDT
    3

  • 10052
    So many questions! 

    I think it's normal and appropriate to be angry/disappointed/hurt when we realize that there is a major disconnect between who a person really is versus who we WANT them to be, particularly when they have consciously deceived us. You said "I am the one who fell for every lie she ever told me", which indicates that there was deliberate deception. Your question was "Is it pointless?", though. It sounds like you're processing your feelings, and that is a good sign. Are our feelings pointless? No. I believe that our feelings do have a point/purpose. I believe that our feelings are meant to teach us lessons. How we feel about things should be a major factor in determining our future choices. Although some would disagree, we truly do have a LOT of choice when it comes to how we feel. 

    As for your other questions, you're really the only one who can answer most of those. Sounds like you're headed in a positive direction. 

      August 27, 2017 10:09 AM MDT
    4

  • 11015
    It's normal to be mad at her for disappointing you. It's also normal to be mad at yourself for caring for someone who could do that. This anger shouldn't last forever, give it some time.
      August 27, 2017 10:52 AM MDT
    7

  • 7683
    What an astute observation, Jane!
      August 29, 2017 7:44 PM MDT
    1

  • 53509

    (angry with)
      August 29, 2017 5:30 PM MDT
    0

  • 7683
    Indeed it is, each person has a positive and a negative side, only when you learn to accept both the positive and negative aspects of an individual, you can accept that person as a friend or make that person a relative...umm that's just my opinion;))
      August 29, 2017 7:44 PM MDT
    2