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Benedict Arnold

What can I do?

My brother died this year and now his wife just found out that she has cancer.
They have a child.
I'm separated and I have a child.
I'm scared for my brother's wife and I'm really worried about their daughter.
I may end up raising both of these kids on my own.

If I'm not here as much it's because I'm trying to get my life together for these kids.
Thanks.

Posted - August 31, 2017
Tags : None

Responses


  • 7126
    I'm very sorry to hear that.

    I think you're getting a little ahead of yourself. Cancer, especially in this day and age, is not necessarily a death sentence. Unless in her case you've been told otherwise.

    Getting your life together is a good idea regardless. In the meantime, just be there for her and help in whatever way she asks and you're able. Same goes for your niece. Be strong, which I'm sure you will because you're truly needed.
      September 1, 2017 12:45 AM MDT
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  • Thanks, I hope she can get it removed somehow and survive.
    I know I'm getting ahead of myself, but I'm getting so used to family members dying that I just brace myself and prepare for the worst.
    She's been through so much losing her husband recently and I just hope she has it in her to recover from this.
      September 1, 2017 2:50 AM MDT
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  • 7126
    She'll need lots of support and I'm sure your being there for her will mean a great deal. And do take care of yourself so you'll remain strong in tackling whatever comes your way.
      September 1, 2017 6:34 AM MDT
    3

  • 6477
    I think anyone with any feeling can understand your thoughts and your needing to concentrate on real life at this time.  For what it's worth I think, that if you have to raise both kids, you will do an admirable job. I hope it doesn't come to that and I hope your sister-in-law manages to get through this. 
      September 1, 2017 1:57 AM MDT
    4

  • Aww...thanks.
    I have spent some time with my niece and she's such a great kid.
    I just worry that this is all too much for her.
    I can't even imagine the fear her mother is dealing with right now.
    I just have to get everythingin my life in order and I need to take better care if myself because even if her mother survives it's going to be hard and I will need to be able to take my niece whenever needed and treat her like I treat my own child.
    I'm nervous about everything and it doesn't feel real sometimes.
    My brother was young and so is his wife.
    I just gotta try to be here for those kids.
      September 1, 2017 3:00 AM MDT
    4

  • 6477
    You can and will do what is needed. I have every faith in you and that comes from everything you have said so far. You are a good person, you have heart and you care.. You will be ok and we are always here if you want to just sound off now and then. 
      September 1, 2017 3:45 AM MDT
    3

  • 10989
    Many times over the years, I faced things that I thought I wouldn't be able to handle and after the first few things, I was able to just remind myself that I had always gotten through whatever life threw at me and I would get through the current thing. We are stronger than we know and if we just take it a step at a time, we can do it. You can do whatever you have to and you will figure it out as you go. I wish you all the best.
      September 1, 2017 6:53 AM MDT
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  • Thank you.
    I think you're right we just adapt to whatever life change we need to make to deal with tragedies.
    I love these kids anyway, we have so much fun at the park and the lake and playing games and I'm used to making lunches and washing clothes and figuring out homework and driving my son to school.
    I feel like I could adapt to having an extra child if I had to.
    I always wanted more kids, but my marriage wasn't great so we didn't.
    Anyway, I just hope to god that my sister in law pulls through this.
    Her daughter really needs her mom and she needs her daughter.
    Thanks for the support. This post was edited by Benedict Arnold at September 1, 2017 12:05 PM MDT
      September 1, 2017 11:51 AM MDT
    2

  • 7939
    Wow. I'm so sorry to hear that.

    I love what everyone else here is saying so far. I'm sure you'll figure it out as time goes by. I suspect, for now, the best thing you can do is to be there and support them. She'll need probably need help as she goes through treatment, and they're lucky to have you in their lives. You may not wind up raising her altogether- like the others said, cancer doesn't always mean death, but knowing how you are, I think you'll probably take a major role in her life, and I know you'll do well.

    Hang in there and best of luck to you all... you know where to find me if you need anything.
      September 1, 2017 11:06 AM MDT
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  • Thank you.
    It's been different because my brother was estranged from my family for many years and we barely got to see my niece.
    So when we spend time together now it is a delicate situation and I'm always trying to show her that I loved her dad and I love her and I'll always be there for her.
    She seems to like being around me maybe because I look and sound a little like her dad.
    She reminds me of him too.

    I did see my brother's wife recently when I dropped my niece off at her house.
    She was crying and I hugged her.
    I need to reach out to her more and make sure she knows that I will do my best to be here for her daughter.

    I'm gonna do my best.
    Thank you for always being a friend.
      September 1, 2017 11:43 AM MDT
    1

  • Just a little update to this question for anyone interested.

    My sister in-law was told that she had only two years to live, but thankfully after a lot if chemotherapy some of the tumors that she has are shrinking.
    She is still going through treatments and fighting it.
    So I just heard that the chemotherapy has been working so that is really great news and I'm very thankful for any hope.
    I just want my niece to have her mom and for them to have a long healthy life together.
    Losing my brother was hard for them I'm sure.
    I hope one day that I can share that she is completely recovered and doing well.

    Thanks for the support.

      December 15, 2017 12:10 PM MST
    0