A short essay on manipulative language.

Manipulative language – a short essay. Below offered just by way of sharing thoughts. It’s not my own work, I didn’t have time.. I also didn’t reference it.. again, very short of time.

One of Orwell’s most important messages in 1984 is that language is of central importance to human thought because it structures and limits the ideas 

The aim of manipulative language, whether used consciously or unconsciously is often to narrow the range of thought – to control it in some way. In other words the language that is used and how it is used, undeniably has an impact, or seeks to have an impact on the thoughts of the recipient.

Manipulative language is a form of coercion. Definition: noun Definition: compulsion, pressure: browbeating, bullying, constraint, duress, force, intimidation, menace, menacing, persuasion, strong-arm tactic, threat, threatening,

Sometimes manipulative language used in communication is also called emotive or violent communication.

Violent communication is communication that limits liberty, denies recognition of needs, diminishes the worth of a person, and/or blocks compassion and reasoning. It is often the result of using manipulative or coercive language that induces fear, guilt, shame, feelings of inferiority, blame, duty, obligation, punishment, and of being intimidated.

Manipulative, or violent communication happens in writing, speaking or listening. Common manifestations include: • Moralistic judgments and evaluations of others. Typical examples include insulting, putting people down, labelling, criticising, diagnosing, or seeing someone as “wrong.”

If we speak or use manipulative language to others, they may do what we want by our inducing fear, guilt, shame, blame, or feelings of inadequacy/intimidation – this IS the aim. Although we can control others this way, some important questions to ask are: • What are the costs in terms of the relationship between you and others if you communicate this way? (How good is your goodwill?)

What is the cost to your well-being by acting in such a domineering and manipulative way? • Is controlling others using manipulative language effective? • Is it worth it to you? More to the point, is it right? What happens when we do this so much that it becomes habitual and we don’t even realise we are doing it?

Aside from those things already stated what happens when we use manipulative language? The recipient or reader of manipulative language generally feels “negative” emotions, such as annoyance, tension, fatigue, exasperation… one should ask oneself why one feels the need, in a perfectly normal and reasonable conversation to try to foster those emotions in the other person. Why do the users of manipulative and emotive language want to make others feel bad?  There are, of course many theories about that…

Basic human needs can be said to be broadly along the lines outlined in Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs: once physical well-being is taken care of – human beings have social need such as the forming of connections, honesty, autonomy, meaning, etc. They are basic human needs that we all share as opposed to specific actions we would like others to take.  It is proposed that a basic human need is to contribute to our own and others’ well- being. Using language that is NOT manipulative, or attempting to belittle others increases the likelihood of mutual giving and receiving – in other words it serves to encourage open and honest debate whereas use of manipulative language has the opposite effect and makes it more difficult to engage in debate.  Once you get to the stage of belittling and pseudo insults it becomes difficult to have a conversation that is about more than hurt feelings.

Anger and feelings of superiority are usually associated with manipulative communication; resulting in blaming and attempts to belittle the other person. Underlying the anger are usually other feelings such as sadness, disappointment, insecurity regret, and frustration. Focusing on these feelings and trying to understand why when we use manipulative language we are trying to deflect or project these feelings within ourselves may help us identify and understand ourselves better. Understanding ourselves and our use of language where it is serving against us and others has to be a better way.

We should  be vigilant about manipulative language, we should be aware and able to acknowledge it. We should be sure we understand it and it’s affect, both as a deliverer of manipulative language and when we are the recipient.  As a recipient– we should make sure we always recognise it and understand what it’s intent is… what it’s trying to do – that the person using manipulative, emotive and belittling language is trying to intimidate us – whether they acknowledge it or not. Knowing this removes the impact – and one can try to point out to the person using manipulative language exactly what they are doing.

One can try to challenge it when someone is using manipulative language, and in the interests of helping them, and helping them to be a better person who is more genuinely open to honest debate,  but to be honest, in my experience people who use manipulative language tend to do so habitually. The habit sadly becomes all too easily, entrenched. This is often associated with an almost blindness, an inability to see or accept their own behaviour.