Discussion»Questions»Relationships» Can a single act of infidelity as a result of being unexpectedly seduced, be attributed to human frailty and therefore morally condonable?
I think that decision belongs to the three people involved.
Some questions: what were/are the consequences?
Did the woman get pregnant? Is a safe, legal abortion available and affordable? Is it acceptable to the people involved? How would the family be affected by a cuckoo chick in the nest? How would it affect parenting and inheritances? Do the married couple have children? I've seen a few situations in which the adult children have never forgiven the hurt inflicted by the unfaithful upon the deceived. The children have lived their lives estranged from the unfaithful parent (in all three cases, the father) and abandoned him in his need in old age.
Did anyone catch an STD? Was it passed on to the innocent spouse?
Did the unfaithful one(s) decide to tell their spouse or not? If the deceit is caught, how hurt will the spouse be? and can he or she forgive and regain trust? Based on my conversations with people who have discovered deceit, the answer is usually no. ~ ~ ~
This post was edited by Benedict Arnold at February 17, 2018 12:10 AM MST
The keyword I see in your question is "single", which I take it as having happened only once. We are all human and therefore fallible. I would attribute it to a temporary lapse of judgement in a situation where passion and biological need subdued the sense of morality ingrained in us from childhood. If one's sure one's strong enough never to let it recur, I would say one shouldn't fret over it and be unnecessarily harsh on oneself for all time. There's a lesson in every mistake we make, and this definitely is a mistake to learn from. Let bygones be bygones. We cannot alter history.
Since our opinions are being sought, mine is this:
I believe that the only person who has a right to determine the answer to this is the person who was cheated upon, not the person who committed the infidelity, not the third party who participated in the infidelity, and certainly not all of us. We may come up with a myriad of responses (possibly accompanied by justifications or excuses), but they're secondary considerations in view of how the spouse or other such partner sees it.
I don't believe there is such a thing as an innocent kiss if one is in a relationship. If you are in a serious relationship, it is your job to protect that relationship and not to allow yourself to be put in a situation where inappropriate behavior is a possible tempation. I am married, I do not go to lunch with male coworkers. I do not have male friends. I do not text or even friend male nonfamily persons on Facebook or other social media. My husband also follows these rules. It was never something we even discussed it was just common sense to us. Even when dealing with exes with children. The ex was to contact the new spouse (me in this case) if they needed anything related to the children. They were not to call or text my husband. I did tell my husband when and why and we handled it from there. I do not have any children with exes but it would have been handled the same way, he would have been contacting my husband. I do not have any contact with any of my exes. You must protect your relationship from human nature. You should neve put yourself in a position where you could fail.
I'm subject to gravity at all times---but my sole purpose in life is not to avoid it. On the contrary, it is a condition under which God thought that I and the rest of us humans should live with and gain from.
If you are unable to confine your seeking in others what you should be getting from your spouse, then you are adultery waiting to happen---and you had best live life according to the rules you have listed.
Those of us who have successfully integrated our sexuality into our personalities can actually interact with other human beings at will and with no danger to our primary relationships---and we will continue to do so.
I know I can control myself. But why would you put yourself in a possible compromising situation? Sometimes other people especially men tend to take even just being civil for flirting...I have never cheated or even been tempted to cheat because I don't allow the situation to start.
But is life or are relationships all about controlling ourselves? Don't we sometimes want to give up that control for the good it does for us? All a matter of different goods, or so I think, and how we hold and balance them. And if we are able to.
It can't. You don't get seduced without wanting to be seduced. If you are seduced against your will, that is not being seduced, that is being drugged and raped.
Outside of being coerced we are responsible for our actions so if it is against anyone's moral code then no. But the point is that because we are all imperfect then who are we to be judge and jury? No one will be morally perfect unless they tie themselves in knots and dehumanize themselves and who wants that? All we can do is come as close as we can to realizing whatever morality we subscribe to.
"A light peck on the lips by way of congratulation to an office colleague during a business trip out of town." Someone wrote this response to your question, and it was sent to my email. In Australia, 50% of the population has oral herpes. I would guess that statistic could be the same in many other places, especially in the West. Since the infectious stage starts before the visual evidence, it is not safe to kiss anyone on the lips unless you know them well enough to know for sure that they don't have the disease.
It is very easy to simply say "congratulations! Well earned and well deserved."
If a married person feels guilt about an affair, I believe the best course of action is to forgive him or herself, learn the lessons from the consequences (including just how painful and debilitating guilt can be,) make whatever amends are necessary, and re-commit to fidelity. If a married person is clear that he or she doesn't want to remain monogamous, it's better to get a divorce than to break the vows.
Only my view - which doesn't count for much - but I think your question is a good one because fidelity has been an issue for centuries.
Research on oxytocin suggests that how much a person has accurately predicts his or her degree of faithfulness and the likelihood of suffering from jealousy. It's the bonding hormone. It flows when two people touch with affection, and it tends to flood during true orgasm (not just physical ejaculation or energy release, but the emotional climax.)
If a married couple is not making love in a satisfying way, (which is true for the majority of the population,) each runs the risk that one or both might stray. (See evidence: Masters and Johnson, Kinsey, and Shere Hite.) Desire and affection will shut down long before old age steals the mojo, if: the couple are arguing or criticising a lot and wounding each other with words; not constructively resolving resentment or anger; overstressed by work; overtired by loss of sleep caring for babies, disabled dependents or aged parents; taking anti-depressants, or addicted to speed or alcohol; or merely cohabiting like flatmates.
Benedict Arnold 