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Discussion » Questions » Relationships » Is it a mistake to put a lot of effort into a relationship?
Summer

Is it a mistake to put a lot of effort into a relationship?

Sometimes I focus my attention on a woman and try to figure out what she wants.
I think that you can have a relationship with almost anyone if you're willing to put in the effort towards pleasing them.
However, I wonder if that's why some relationships fall apart.
People aren't being themselves until way into it.

Do you think it's a mistake to "Win" someone's love?

Posted - June 29, 2018
Tags : None

Responses


  • 22891
    i dont think so
      June 29, 2018 4:25 PM MDT
    2

  • 5391
    Been married to a breathtaking lady for nearly 30 years. Unequivocally NO, it is NOT a mistake. 

    It has often been said it is better to try and fail spectacularly, than to never have tried at all. Ya gotta play to win.

    Live like each day is your last. This post was edited by Don Barzini at June 30, 2018 8:04 AM MDT
      June 29, 2018 4:32 PM MDT
    4

  • 5614
    Good effort Yes. Simp effort No. Don't be a simp about it ;(
      June 29, 2018 8:49 PM MDT
    2

  • 5614
    Another thing, women are not wired to love you the way you love them. Tis necessary for men to love women in order to provide and protect them. Traditionally women were only required to honor their husbands and respect his wishes. Love was taught to them in eras when unions were often arranged. It is the children born from a union that they love. You are the provider and if need be their love allows them to love another. This post was edited by O-uknow at June 30, 2018 8:04 AM MDT
      June 29, 2018 8:54 PM MDT
    2

  • 666
    I get that I shouldn't be a "Simp" anymore.
    I did foolishly overvalue my ex at times and I think she probably respected me less for it.
    I have a habit of loving women whether they treat me well or not.
    I am trying to correct that.

    Can you clarify what good effort would be?
    Do you just mean that I should give back what I get in a relationship?

    This post was edited by Summer at June 30, 2018 8:04 AM MDT
      June 29, 2018 9:05 PM MDT
    1

  • 5614
    That's a start and eventually your self esteem will build enough that you don't have to do that. Your attention will be enough :)
      June 29, 2018 9:14 PM MDT
    2

  • 7939
    I like what Don and O both said. Relationships are a lot of hard work, but the hard work shouldn't be put in trying to get someone to like you or approve of you. You have to find someone who feels that way first. 
      June 29, 2018 9:56 PM MDT
    3

  • 666
    That's true.
    I've always chased after women.
    At times it's like I purposely pick the ones that give me the least attention or seem the least interested and I try to crack the code.
    I crave her attention more than anything.
    I end up getting myself into a never ending cycle of having to please those women.
    It gets exhausting.
    I feel like I need to rethink things.
    I should pay very close attention to which women approach me or view my profile or seem to want a guy like me.

    I need to stop chasing.
      June 29, 2018 10:50 PM MDT
    3

  • 6098
    Yes - very good. 
      July 1, 2018 6:25 AM MDT
    0

  • 6098
    I think you have to enjoy each other's company - just being together and hanging out or doing things together - enough you WANT to work at the things that do require some effort.  You are separate people hopefully with your own lives as well so there will of necessity need to be adjustment and dealing with expectations of each other many of which will be unspoken. 

    Though we can change some behavior what we really are will always eventually assert itself.  I think generally we want you to have a life of your own that is satisfying in itself but to make room for us in it.  Trying to figure out what we want just seems a rather idle pastime.  If we don't really yet know what we want then we then perhaps we are waiting for someone to suggest what we want.  But there should be enough going between you it just goes by itself.  

      If all you think about is pleasing the other person then it seems to me you don't really have a life of your own.  Good to please but that should never be your primary focus. Which should be on just enjoying being together. 

    A lot of men like conquest because it makes them feel more powerful.  Which really is selfish because you know most of us want to love and be loved so such conquest is no great achievement.  Same could be said for "pleasing" someone - are you doing it for them or just to make yourself feel more powerful? 
      July 1, 2018 6:56 AM MDT
    0

  • 17582
    Pleasing someone does not cause infatuation nor true love.    Your premise is incorrect.

    Try to not be so desperate to find a woman.  Your child will benefit from having an independent, single, stable, happy parent.  So will you.
      July 1, 2018 10:25 AM MDT
    2