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Discussion » Questions » Relationships » Is it true that healthy relationships can seem "devoid of passion" and boring because there's no pain?

Is it true that healthy relationships can seem "devoid of passion" and boring because there's no pain?

I was reading something that said as much. I can't think of a single relationship I know of- even those which passed the test of time- that didn't involve at least some pain or difficulties. I sincerely can't fathom how any relationship could be without some pain and suffering. I doubt one even exists. And, how is it healthy if it's "boring?"

Discuss. My mind is boggled. :)

Posted - August 11, 2018

Responses


  • 2052
    We are doing it "his way."  "My way" would be very different, not online or in an email.  Call me old school. 
      August 11, 2018 5:27 PM MDT
    3

  • 10643
    There's no such thing as a healthy relationship without difficulties.   Since everyone's different, those differences are bound to clash.  In a healthy relationship the two people learn to overcome or live with (not overlook) those differences.   That's called growing.  A healthy relationship is always growing.
      August 11, 2018 5:42 PM MDT
    2

  • 10052
    I think that there are people who view healthy relationships as boring because they thrive on drama. 

    Personally, I've learned that what many people consider "boring" is my idea of contentment. 
      August 11, 2018 8:52 PM MDT
    3

  • 362
    without struggles you really don't know what you have. it's only then when you see what you truly have. as far as boring due to a lack of passion...maybe passion is important between people. that's the fire affection which any woman would agree that is very important.
      August 11, 2018 8:54 PM MDT
    2

  • 10026
    If you are growing together, certainly there will be growing pains.  Not pains from physical or mental abuse.  You need to grow and learn from one another.  If you are stagnant in your relationship you might be tempted to do something to get the other's affection or attention.  Some say any attention, even bad, is better than none.
    I don't think extreme drama is a good thing or any drama for that matter.  I do think growing and learning is.  If you agreed on everything it would be like dating or being married to yourself.  You are already destined to do that. Of course you are going to have disagreements.  Just don't make them unnecessary ones. 
      August 11, 2018 10:30 PM MDT
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  • 6098
    I would take exception to any such notion. Pain comes, if it does, naturally so just seems to me crazy to cultivate it.  Maybe OK for people who have become so insensitive they need drama or pain to really be able to feel anything. 

    Differences or disagreements in a relationship I can't really see as causing pain though certainly they might.  I want to feel good about myself and I want  my life to feel good so I cultivate those aspect which help me feel good.  Including feeling secure with my husband. 

    No question with some people a relationship or sex can be more passionate - I guess because there is some chemistry there. But often those are not the people we can feel good and safe and secure with.  So I think why not start with the safe and secure partner and then do what we have to to make sex better with them - as good as it can be?  Which I have always tried to do.  Yes things can become routine and boring but we have to realize what we are getting out of the relationship that are most important for us and then if we both want better sex than we work on it together.  Easy with a lover who just adores you to feel a lot but might take more with someone you get on with and feel more generally good and right with to cultivate more excitement.  Which after all is great but not the whole world.  And if we are more willing to be forthcoming we can enjoy a secure primary relationship where sex is good as well as more passionate casual ones primarily for sex with others - but we have to be careful and more controlled about our feelings which a lot of people just don't want to be. 
      August 12, 2018 9:28 AM MDT
    1

  • 17599
    If you are getting what you need and want from it with no negative consequences it's a healthy relationship.  We don't have to have every little thing in life defined in a way that applies to everyone.  Happy relationships are subjective to the parties.  What works here might not work there.  There is no objective definition for a happy and healthy relationship...........not one that I would accept.  They try, but do not let them put you in a cubbie.  You define yourself.
      August 12, 2018 1:11 PM MDT
    2