Discussion»Questions»Relationships» Have you ever ended a relationship with someone because you were bad for them OR had them break up with you because they were bad for you?
I broke a relationship once with musta been the stingiest gal I ever met.
Eg. she invited me to spend the day at her cabana on the beach one time and on the way asked me to stop pick up a dozen beer. Sounds like we'll have a good time. Then her dad who is a handiman type shows up so I am helping him do some repair work all day.. Then she gives him the beer as payment for his labor!
This really got me to thinking about the past. Was going to answer a blanket "no" which would not have been accurate. In general I think relationships have a natural curve and once you get on the downward side you know things are not going to become better so you cut your losses. But when I was young there were relationships with older men which were very comfortable though I may not have loved them or only for portions of them did I love them - guess part of it was too I was trying to come to terms with what love was for me - but they basically took care of me and made decisions for me which I knew pretty instinctively was not so good as it did not allow me to develop my own survival skills in the world so eventually I did leave them. And when I was older with one man - actually he was quite wonderful to me - but his life was all centered around me and he did not have a life of his own which made me feel everything depended upon me which I did not want that kind of pressure and I ended it. Another person, a quite successful man, had a kind of nervous breakdown as a result of which he came to blame me for expecting too much of him. Which really I don't think I did and this was after I had cared for his children for two years. Which I never quite understood.
In my mid 20s I set up housekeeping with this one person and things were just great for awhile then he began resenting me as well as almost everything I liked and I was OK where am I going wrong with him, what am I doing wrong. Which he thought I guess was just everything. And then he was accusing me of being with other men which actually was my pattern but with him I had never been! So he set up a "trap" for me with a friend which of course I fell right into and he threw me out. Can you imagine them doing that? Which actually when I came to my senses was the best thing that could have happened for me. Because I realized because we had worked together at a radio station he saw me as a competitor for advancement and the way he removed that was by having me quite my job. And the more he isolated the less I was myself and the more he resented me. So I would say that was a pretty bad situation.
In my early 40s I was engaged to really a quite wonderful person. We were planning t have kids but I knew he wanted me to be sexually faithful which I had not been entirely so I had some guilt already. Then when he started seeing someone else I knew not only was he losing interest in me but he was violating his own beliefs so I knew things would never really work out and that was that. Which you know you say OK that is it and part of you of course wants them to say "no no" so when they readily accept it you really take it as a rejection which hurts! You have a relationship mode where you become part of someone else and they become part of you and so then if you become single again you have to get back to just being yourself and into the looking mode which takes a little doing though no doubt the more often we do it the better we become at it.
I haven't quite got to exactly what your question is asking. I've had two breakups, both nasty. One is over forever. As for the other, the fire has been rekindled; in retrospect it looks like the fire was never quite put out completely. Unbeknownst to me, the embers were still glowing; they only needed a little fanning for them to come back to life. True love, perhaps?
This post was edited by Benedict Arnold at March 12, 2019 4:24 PM MDT
Benedict Arnold 