I was into adulthood when one day I decided I was going to say something to him the next time he was verbally abusive. Prior to that I had gone to him and told him what he says to me sometimes hurts my feelings and his response was that they're only words. I had to build up the courage because I had never stood up to him before. But the time came when he called me a name and I went right up to him and said the same thing back to him. I'll never forget the look of shock on his face and before I left, I turned to him and said, oh come on now, they're only words, aren't they. Even though I was shaking like a leaf, I'll never forget that feeling I had when I finally stood up to him. I didn't think it would feel so powerful to have that weight lifted off my shoulder. Were you ever verbally abused. If so, how did you handle it?
Yes, my bellowing, raging, emotionally unstable, hate filled, stupid father.
whistle6, did you have a way of dealing with it
I'm so sorry, b/c they are NOT only 'words' ... why use derogatory negative words at all then? they are used to inflict hurt or pain, or to threaten. and I can identify P- I had a parent yell, scream, berate, criticize nearly every day , with demeaning cruel words. Had some intermittent physical abuse too, but the cruel words over time erased my 'self', and I'm trying to create my own self now. I literally would try to please ANYone at all times, in order for them to never be mad at me, curse at me, or criticize me.. it is a problem now, b/c I don't ever stand up for myself. I still think i'm 'less' than most people, b/c those words became part of my life- I'm trying each day to be RID of that mental abuse. I tried over the years to handle the abuse by defending myself, saying what she said were lies, and inhuman, and she'd rage even MORE- even threaten to harm me. I've never even dated or had my own place b/c of the abuse and all I want is to not feel damaged enough to say yes to a guy, when he asks me out :/ I bet that feelign you had when you said it back felt good, b/c you finally felt a Voice. I've read time and again in articles I've researched, NO parent should treat their kids or adult kids like a being less than them , and then say' I'm the parent, etc.' or , 'get over it' (I heard that so much).. If we wouldn't accept it from a gf/bf or spouse, then why do parents (some, ) get away with this ?????
A few of my teachers would certainly qualify
I only had one parent growing up. Mom didn't abuse me in any way. Maybe she should have. That's why I am so effed up now and don't give a crap about anything.
Baybreeze, I know all too well, they aren't just words, but for some reason he thought so. That is, until I used his words on him. Yes, it was the best feeling and a great weight lifted off my shoulder. Generally, when people use that phrase it's meant as a figure of speech. But that's not how I meant it. I actually felt it physically as if someone had removed a heavy object off of me. It was that much of a release when I finally made the decision to stand up for myself I felt so much stronger even though I was shaking like a leaf, because finally I was the one who was in control and he never said a word. And when you make that decision to say enough is enough, you'll feel that strength too.. You are certainly NOT less. Look at it this way, if you saw a mother doing and saying to her innocent child what your mother did and said to you, would you blame that child and tell her that all the horrible things her mother said to her were true? Of course you wouldn’t, yet that’s exactly what you’re doing to yourself. When people say get over it, it's much easier said than done. But you will get over it, because you’re a lot stronger than you think. Over the years, I’ve come to the realization that it’s often times during those low points in our lives, when we discover our greatest strengths. A friend of mine had a physically and mentally abusive alcoholic mother that tortured her kids. When she made the decision to forgive her mother, that’s when things turned around for her. Maybe that’s something that might bring you some healing so you can finally close the door of your past, and start enjoying the present and planning your future. You already lived the past, there’s no point in re-living it. Just know that you are not the sum of all the evil things she did or said to you. They don’t define you – they aren’t a reflection of you. They are, however, a reflection of her
Im glad you spoke up..... I've done that many, many times but my mother is beyond a narcissist, and she wants the last word at ALL times; one time when she was yelling so loud and for many mins, I said, 'could you please stop, I just had a heart palpitation' (from her loudness ) and she said, 'ohhhh, ahwwwwwww. you had a heart palp??? ' in a baby mocking voice. It made me nearly tear up, knowing she has NO empathy , anytime, at any point ... i f I say don't say those awful words, she'll say 'shut up, I"m the mother' (I'm a grown adult in my 30's ).. i t is twisted, awful and barbaric. She needs to be in an intreatment place for this illness but I've not called her doctor for fear she'd do something bad or go even more psychotic. I do think should I forgive and let go.. .but it is like saying to a rapist (in which one person told me what she did daily , was equivalent to rape) 'Oh it is fine what you did, and I will move on' I do understand though it will ease my heart, but this woman is MEAN spirited... she is cruel. some of it, is not the illness... she grew up spoiled and saying or doing anything she wanted.She even admitted once, her mother let them all do or say anything : / I think I just need to never look back, not contact her ever again (once I get out).. one person even told me to hg old a funeral in my mind for such a vile person.. b/c how will i ever heal?? When she is no longer in my thoughts or life. Thank u friend for saying I'm NOT less.. its hard to believe some days because you feel so defective from this. but I will think of that example... how would I view a child being bullied by thier parent.. pushed, belittled etc... ? I would feel so badly for that child and know they are just being a kid or human. Thank you again and anytme u would like to chat, message me.... huggg
No, thank goodness.
