To gaze upon Donald Trump’s hair is like trying to make sense of a particularly elaborate M.C. Escher drawing. Just when you think you’ve figured out how all of the straw-colored, gossamer strands fit together, he turns his head and you realize nothing is what it seems, reality is an illusion, and life is pointless. But now, we may finally know how Trump accomplishes this remarkable feat of engineering.
In an extract from his new book Fire and Fury: Inside Trump’s White House, published by New York Magazine on Wednesday, reporter Michael Wolff revealed that Trump’s styling secrets have been disclosed by none other than his most trusted confidante — his daughter Ivanka:
For Ivanka, it was all business — building the Trump brand, the presidential campaign, and now the White House. She treated her father with a degree of detachment, even irony, going so far as to make fun of his comb-over to others. She often described the mechanics behind it to friends: an absolutely clean pate — a contained island after scalp-reduction surgery — surrounded by a furry circle of hair around the sides and front, from which all ends are drawn up to meet in the center and then swept back and secured by a stiffening spray. The color, she would point out to comical effect, was from a product called Just for Men — the longer it was left on, the darker it got. Impatience resulted in Trump’s orange-blond hair color.
So, it would seem the president’s hair is not, in fact, a toupee, nor is it an obedient Persian cat holding very still on the top of his head — it is real, human hair, manipulated into a shape that defies all earthly logic.
Another Trump mystery solved. Now if only we knew why he drinks water like this.
Don Barzini 