The "flow" can only go one way - down. The bigger the "flow" gets, the less resistance it encounters on its way down. The less resistance, the quicker it goes down.
Going against the flow creates friction. The flow hates friction as it slows it down. The friction made my going against the flow builds strength. The flow considers that kind of strength weakness and fiercely discourages it.
Those who "go with the flow" eventually find themselves lost in a sea. Lemmings, blindly following everyone else. Lost in the crowd with no footholds to support them. Always assuming that the rest of the "flow" knows where it's going.
Those who don't go with the flow eventually reach the shore. These mavericks created footholds where others refused. They may end up battered and bruised, but in doing so, they gave their lives purpose.
What you describe takes a great deal of strength on many levels Shuhak, the physical being among them. It is EXHAUSTING to fight the flow and go where you know you must go. Some folks lack endurance. They start off trying but find they just do not have "the right stuff" to keep going. So they capitulate. They either enthusiastically join the other lemmings and let the crowd carry them along justifying and denying and lying or they give up withdraw go underground and never surface again. SIGH. Thank you for your reply. I think I'm probably gonna die with my boots on so to speak. I don't see me quietly giving up. But this is also true. I am absent the emotion that previously drove me. Or it is on a well-deserved hiatus. I cannot continue at that level so I stopped. My brain/mind are in control. I simply report what I observe and I am not attached to any outcome. Of course I still will always "hope for the best" but I surely won't hold my breath and count on it .
Go with the flow: "If you go with the flow, you let things happen or let other people tell you what to do, rather than trying to control what happens yourself". (Collins English Dictionary)
Keeping in mind the above definition, I do not go with the flow. I meet life head on and deal with whatever may come my way. I accomplish this one day at a time without letting someone tell me what to do. Living life in that manner keeps me from simply ebbing away. That is the life well lived. Why? Because it means I'm an individual and not a lemming. Just in case you aren't aware of what I mean by lemming I'll explain. Lemming is a derogatory term used to reference a person who seemingly does not possess any form of individual thought, and instead, mindlessly follows the behaviors and actions of the masses. :)
Shuhak 