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Discussion » Questions » Human Behavior » For those of you divorced and remarried or in a new relationship after a bad breakup...
easyjolene

For those of you divorced and remarried or in a new relationship after a bad breakup...

Were you ever told that no one else would ever want you? And then, you're in a long term relationship while your ex is going through partners like there's no tomorrow? 

I found out my ex is no longer with his third wife through the grapevine of life. I feel bad for him, yet, I don't. I wonder why they broke apart yet part of me already knows. 

Posted - April 23, 2019
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Responses


  • 6098
    No I was never told that at least as far as I can remember but were times I did think that on my own. But soon learned there would always be men coming along to show an interest in me.   Not good I think to remain interested in exes but some people seem to have trouble letting go. Which can be a function as well of a bad breakup.  I also soon learned that if someone did not want to be with me nothing I could do would change that so best to just let go and go through what I needed to go through and get back to being myself by myself. 
      April 23, 2019 8:07 PM MDT
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  • 7939
    No. Probably the inverse is more true. I doubt I ever said that nobody would want him, but I certainly thought it. He was an addict and a miserable person all around. Turns out, there are people out there who still want that kind of long-term partner too. Other addicts who want someone to enable them. That said, I'd rather be single than in a long-term relationship with someone like that again, so... 

    On a side note, if your ex said that to you, that's not cool. Sorry to hear that.
      April 23, 2019 9:09 PM MDT
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  • 46117
    It would be the best thing if you didn't care at all about his lot in life.  

    If you are happy?  Be happy.  Let it go.  
      April 23, 2019 11:27 PM MDT
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  • I've only been married once .. so I can't really answer it from a divorced point of view.  I do know that if I was breaking up with someone and they told me no one would ever want me .. I'd be darn sure I was lucky to be rid of them!  That's a very childish and selfish thing to say to anyone.  Let them be someone else's problem.
      April 24, 2019 5:29 AM MDT
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  • 6098
    In general I was the one with more relationships. Until I met my husband later in life I think only two lasting longer than year. I was more of a good companion but very aware I was not the kind of person men would want to becomes serious about as far as marrying.  So when I could feel them losing interest I was often the one to call an end to it which usually they agreed with. 

    I was never beautiful or terribly smart and I think most men want a wife to inspire them.  As well as stroke their egos so they can feel more powerful.  Which I was always more of a helpmeet type of person and not so much the kind of person they wanted to bring home to meet mother.  Plus mostly they were after a sexual commitment whether they stated that or not and the notion that anyone had the right to control my life always rankled me.  Type of women they married were always beautiful, serious, and willing to go after them and make plans for a life with them, soulful and with some amount of hurt in their background and convinced that they were "right" for him.  So for years until I met my husband I just thought I would likely never marry. 
      April 24, 2019 6:09 AM MDT
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  • 1893
    EJ interesting question, I was never told no one wanted me.  When you live with a Workaholic they only notice their job, not you.  When you leave it takes them months to realize you are not there.  As our children grew up and became adults the realization of aging and retirement became clear to them. 

    They may have had a series of Lovers, I don't know nor do I care.  I do feel sorry for them in that they are going into retirement alone with no clue how to find or keep a partner.  We talk often and this message is a constant.
      April 24, 2019 9:06 AM MDT
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  • 4624
    Anyone who says such a thing is only stating what is true of themselves, not the one they address. 
    They can't see themselves, but project their inner reality onto others and the world around them.
    It's abuse, not statement of fact.
    Someone who thinks and talks in that way is ipso facto never going to be successful in their relationships
      April 24, 2019 4:01 PM MDT
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