It may not seem like it now, but I promise you, it gets better. It's a process and you'll have to take your own steps in your own time. Maybe that means getting a crazy haircut, repainting your house, moving to a place that's uniquely yours, all these things, or wholly different steps. But, for what it's worth, you weren't foolish. You loved and trusted him and he should have done right by you. That's no reflection on you- it's a reflection on him. The more you heal, the clearer that will become.
You don't give any details so all we can do is speculate. its possible you did not have enough going of your own to make you feel good about yourself so you looked to your relationship for that instead. Also possible you trusted too much in "love" as a panacea. Or you simply expected too much from him. Or were so blinded by certain attractive attributes that you did not allow yourself to think clearly.
Why would you allow him to "ruin" your life? Do you imagine you have no life of your own? Best to stop thinking o yourself as a victim in the matter - which can only lead to more of the same - and think about what you could have done to avoid being "ruined". We naturally reach out for love but in doing so we must be careful as well. Not good to expect to much from anyone, including yourself. You need to focus on your strengths and the positive things about yourself which make you feel good about yourself. Love comes and goes, nothing is forever, but if it exalts us and we are enjoying our time with someone the it is worth it. Because that is what there is in life. Allow yourself to heal and do whatever it takes to make yourself a better person - for you as well as others. Reach out to others not only for love but in order to help them in any way you can .
The last time I answered something like this, I almost gave Just Asking a heart-attack. So, I'll just listen. And hope you know that this too shall pass. It is painful, but it ends.
Thank you, however I have run out of time and he knew that 10 years ago. Now I am not physically as capable as I was before I began "waiting" for him. The moment we were suposed to begin our life together found him on a completely different path, one for himself only. He never had any intention of our being together it was all just a game to him.
That sort of judgement about oneself is not unusual for us humans in such circumstances, but it can also be exacerbated by having been set up to accept everything bad that happens to you in your life as your fault and even something that you somehow deserved.
Hopefully, you will come to realize that what was done to you was something that you did not deserve and that that person had no right to treat you like that.
Many of us have been where you are, and we can assure you that you can survive this.
Take care
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This post was edited by tom jackson at May 22, 2019 4:24 PM MDT
Because in life you have to risk heartbreak in order to enjoy love, if we knew that they may turn out to be assholes we wouldn't bother. I'm sure you will find, as I did, that there is someone better suited to you out there and that is who you are meant to be with, and without this heartbreak you would have never met them, but this only comes with time because this is how hindsight works, but never lose yourself in a relationship, never change who you are, and always make time for your friends because they will be there for you no matter what. Before him you was a strong, beautiful woman, and you still are that same person.
This post was edited by kjames at May 23, 2019 4:51 PM MDT
WM BARR . =ABSOLUTE TRASH 