I think my mother was what is now called an inverse narcissist. She played the poor-me card and was very good at it - we believed her every word. I learned far too late just how much of it was manipulation. As a child, it seemed as though Dad ruled the roost because we tiptoed around his anger and did everything to avoid his violence. Actually, she did a hell of a lot to provoke him - she knew exactly which barbs would strike home. An outsider would think her comments innocuous.
As an adult, I realised it was Mum who had the inheritance and all the money. She decided where the land was bought, she dictated the features of the house that Dad designed and built, she decided the rules of the house, and where we kids were educated. Every major decision was hers.
There was, in fact, nothing poor or powerless about her. She had a tongue that could whine like a mosquito or land like a cat-o-nine-tails. Appearances were everything to her; she dressed to perfection. She never let outsiders see her alcoholism. She lied freely and was fairly amoral in most matters. But she was also shy and avoidant around people - anyone non-family. Perhaps only her mother, my father and my sister and I ever knew her well - and that only what she allowed to be seen. She kept endless secrets.
That's interesting. I never thought of narcissism as a condition that can be learned and cultivated that way. But, seriously, why not? If someone grows up only seeing that type of behavior, they will more than likely pick up the same "habits".
I think my brother is psycho and has wet brain from booze, but I don't think he is a narcissist.
My dad certainly was not one and my mom was not. I am not.
Merlin 